Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Remember Christmas isn't about being with loved ones, it's about being with family.
Academy Award Corrections: On the Sixes
8 years ago
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
And a quarter for you too Audrey!
First let me say I got Chinese food on my break at work and I had exact change. That's it. I just like when that happens.
So i recently stumbled onto a couple things at my local drug and sundry. Okay so it's Eckerd's, with whom I have issues (who carries only Creamy Peanut Butter???!!!). But they had a new candy "bar", although I use the word bar loosely, hence the quotation marks, but we'll get to that in a moment. It's called the Take 5 and it's not such much a bar as it is two pieces of deliciousness. Now, you may be asking yourself why is it called Take 5? Or maybe you're asking yourself, "Is Willie Moe's life so boring and mundane that the most exciting thing going is a new type of candy bar?" I will first answer the latter question, or the one which I typed secondly-I never really grasped that whole former and latter stuff. And the answer to that is...YESSS! But don't judge me, you're the one talking to yourself. Alright in regards to the first question, it's because it includes five main items. These ingredients are:
1) Milk Chocolate
2) Peanuts
3) Peanut Butter
4) Caramel and
5) Pretzels
And the fact that it has pretzels in it makes it good for you. Shut up Phelps and let me believe what I want! It's not great, but it's very good. It's no Peanut Butter Twix though, these are to die for! but very hard to find in the king size package.
The other thing I stumbled upon, which I do not highly recommend is Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper! I don't know why it was only available in diet or, and this directed to Mr. Bojangles specifically, why a Cherry soda would have a specific new flavor featuring cherry????? Riddle me that Bohall, not to be confused with BoHall! Well I gotta find my wristbands, big game tonight against the firefighters, see ya there!
So i recently stumbled onto a couple things at my local drug and sundry. Okay so it's Eckerd's, with whom I have issues (who carries only Creamy Peanut Butter???!!!). But they had a new candy "bar", although I use the word bar loosely, hence the quotation marks, but we'll get to that in a moment. It's called the Take 5 and it's not such much a bar as it is two pieces of deliciousness. Now, you may be asking yourself why is it called Take 5? Or maybe you're asking yourself, "Is Willie Moe's life so boring and mundane that the most exciting thing going is a new type of candy bar?" I will first answer the latter question, or the one which I typed secondly-I never really grasped that whole former and latter stuff. And the answer to that is...YESSS! But don't judge me, you're the one talking to yourself. Alright in regards to the first question, it's because it includes five main items. These ingredients are:
1) Milk Chocolate
2) Peanuts
3) Peanut Butter
4) Caramel and
5) Pretzels
And the fact that it has pretzels in it makes it good for you. Shut up Phelps and let me believe what I want! It's not great, but it's very good. It's no Peanut Butter Twix though, these are to die for! but very hard to find in the king size package.
The other thing I stumbled upon, which I do not highly recommend is Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper! I don't know why it was only available in diet or, and this directed to Mr. Bojangles specifically, why a Cherry soda would have a specific new flavor featuring cherry????? Riddle me that Bohall, not to be confused with BoHall! Well I gotta find my wristbands, big game tonight against the firefighters, see ya there!
Monday, December 13, 2004
Why, is the carpet all wet, TODDDD?!!!!
This blog is primarily going out to my compatriates who I do not see much, who are planning on a possible trip into Syracuse to whoop it up at the Change Of Pace, on one of the only weekends I will not be in town. Willie MAD, Willie BASH! You know who you are! And if you don't, it's Jitter, Jables and Zek ( that's Danny's nickname that will perhaps never catch on.) Why, why, why....do you torture me so?! Going to the Change of Pace. On a Sunday. Without Willie? That's unpossible! Over this line, you do not cross! You people are absolutely killing me! HOOOOOOOOOCHIEEEEE MAMA! Why can this not be postponed two days or at least lengthened two days? Perhaps you were planning on staying two days and this bitter rant is really all for not. But listen here, you three wise, er, almost coherent, men. If you are in town ON Tuesday, you could see Toastie running around in short-shorts, high socks and a head band (sorry, still no dice on the rec specs! DAMMIT TOASTIE, WHAT THE HELL AH YA SCARED OF!). That's right, free tickets to the Change 'O' Pacers game!!!! And don't forget, Big Baby Jitters gets a free Chicken Wing Pizza for every free throw Toastie makes*. I implore, or perhaps emplore, I think it's implore, you....give me something. I will personally toss in a few extra bucks for regular priced wings on a weekday. How can you even think about going to Change of Pace without Eric Swann staring across at you with a twinkle in his eye and at least an ounce of wing sauce smeared all over his face? Dan and Jitter I made a call, you've got an extra couple of days off for this Kwanzaa celebration, pass the blue cheese! You think you can account for the bitterness quota, sans Willie Moe? I think not! I've got bitter you ain't never seen! I have no idea waht that means!!! And I'm not drunk right now!!! Cue Gary Coleman-"Whatchoo talkin 'bout everyone!"
*-void where prohibited
*-void where prohibited
Thursday, December 09, 2004
I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "I drank what?!"
First of all I would just like to start by letting everyone know, that I did not take steroids. I'm all natural, baby! This physique I possess has come from years of loafing around and a steady diet of beer and various fried and fast foods. I just wanted squash those rumors right away for all my fans. Now on to more exciting news (drum roll please).........
Last night it finally happened. No Bill and I did not finally let one and all know about our forbidden love, although we did have a rousing couple of rounds of gay chicken*! And no, I didn't break the roast beef sandwich record, either. But, last night, at Clark's Ale House, we finally captured the prize we had long sought, first place at trivia night. We finally brought prominence to the Bo Hall name with just the right combination of roast beef ( if you've never had a Clark's roast beef, then, what the heck are you doing with your life! Trust me it's a lil' slice of heaven, and this is coming from someone, who is "not a big fan" of roast beef!), quality beers, and delightful conversation. We have been on this quest for more than a year, and finally the prize and all the accolades that come with it, are ours'!! You may not think this is exciting, but try and put 4 druid fluids in ya and then we'll talk! And I'm not drunk right now!
************************************************************************************
Moving on in some sort of random order...... Tuesday Bill, Toastie Rage KJ and myself decided to celebrate our basketball bye week, a moral victory for us, by getting drunk at the COP (that's Change of Pace, not Citizen's On Patrol). You see our basketball team is nothing shy of abyssmal! We are 0-5 and our closest game was a 40 point loss. In our defense, it was a close 40! Anyways, we went to the COP to get drunk, eat chicken wings, oh so delicious chicken wings (sorry Jitter, how's Moochie?) and watch the SU game. Fortunately, the Orange, not to be confused with the Orangemen (don't even get me started on that horse pucky!), took over our Tuesday night losing ways. Oh the wings were so delectable, and when I burped the next morning I could still taste them,....glorious. Jitter, you too could have chicken wings anytime you want if you just moved back across the pond. But I digress. The Orange were playing in the Jimmy V Classic, a tournament of course in honor of the late Jim Valvano. so in between the two games, ESPN (that's an all sports network, where you can find such quality programming as the movie, 3, starring Barry Pepper, "I just wanna race daddy") aired Jimmy V's ESPY speech from, I believe, 1993, in it's entirety. The thing that got me the most is that the whole bar was dead quiet listening to the whole speech, a heart warming momemt that will be added to the COP annals. That's annal, not anal, Bill! Oh and SU did not look good, shooting horribly from the charity stripe, which as many of my compatriates can attest, irks me to know end! After all I was an Intramural Free Throw Shooting Champion. Sure, everyone is entitled to an off night, I mean I'm only 5-8 from the stripe this season myself. Which brings me to my wonderful idea for our basketball season. The Change 'O' Pacers will donate a chicken wing pizza to Big Baby Jitters for every free throw Toastie makes (he's currently 0-3). Jitter you best get coaching when you return. I wish the officials would like donate two points to us for each beer Toastie could drink during the game, that'd it make it interesting, eh, Latinos Unidos? That's right Toastie would all be like, "more Cerveza, (how do you spell this?) per favore?" and they'd all be like, "No mas!" Either that or we need some Rock 'n' Jock 50 point basket to be lowered down for us. Our next game is Tuesday at 7:30pm against the Syracuse Firefighters, and there are plenty of good seats still available!
This blog is dedicated to the loving memory of Grandma Stack
*-Bill and I aren't actually gay. Or are we? (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Last night it finally happened. No Bill and I did not finally let one and all know about our forbidden love, although we did have a rousing couple of rounds of gay chicken*! And no, I didn't break the roast beef sandwich record, either. But, last night, at Clark's Ale House, we finally captured the prize we had long sought, first place at trivia night. We finally brought prominence to the Bo Hall name with just the right combination of roast beef ( if you've never had a Clark's roast beef, then, what the heck are you doing with your life! Trust me it's a lil' slice of heaven, and this is coming from someone, who is "not a big fan" of roast beef!), quality beers, and delightful conversation. We have been on this quest for more than a year, and finally the prize and all the accolades that come with it, are ours'!! You may not think this is exciting, but try and put 4 druid fluids in ya and then we'll talk! And I'm not drunk right now!
************************************************************************************
Moving on in some sort of random order...... Tuesday Bill, Toastie Rage KJ and myself decided to celebrate our basketball bye week, a moral victory for us, by getting drunk at the COP (that's Change of Pace, not Citizen's On Patrol). You see our basketball team is nothing shy of abyssmal! We are 0-5 and our closest game was a 40 point loss. In our defense, it was a close 40! Anyways, we went to the COP to get drunk, eat chicken wings, oh so delicious chicken wings (sorry Jitter, how's Moochie?) and watch the SU game. Fortunately, the Orange, not to be confused with the Orangemen (don't even get me started on that horse pucky!), took over our Tuesday night losing ways. Oh the wings were so delectable, and when I burped the next morning I could still taste them,....glorious. Jitter, you too could have chicken wings anytime you want if you just moved back across the pond. But I digress. The Orange were playing in the Jimmy V Classic, a tournament of course in honor of the late Jim Valvano. so in between the two games, ESPN (that's an all sports network, where you can find such quality programming as the movie, 3, starring Barry Pepper, "I just wanna race daddy") aired Jimmy V's ESPY speech from, I believe, 1993, in it's entirety. The thing that got me the most is that the whole bar was dead quiet listening to the whole speech, a heart warming momemt that will be added to the COP annals. That's annal, not anal, Bill! Oh and SU did not look good, shooting horribly from the charity stripe, which as many of my compatriates can attest, irks me to know end! After all I was an Intramural Free Throw Shooting Champion. Sure, everyone is entitled to an off night, I mean I'm only 5-8 from the stripe this season myself. Which brings me to my wonderful idea for our basketball season. The Change 'O' Pacers will donate a chicken wing pizza to Big Baby Jitters for every free throw Toastie makes (he's currently 0-3). Jitter you best get coaching when you return. I wish the officials would like donate two points to us for each beer Toastie could drink during the game, that'd it make it interesting, eh, Latinos Unidos? That's right Toastie would all be like, "more Cerveza, (how do you spell this?) per favore?" and they'd all be like, "No mas!" Either that or we need some Rock 'n' Jock 50 point basket to be lowered down for us. Our next game is Tuesday at 7:30pm against the Syracuse Firefighters, and there are plenty of good seats still available!
This blog is dedicated to the loving memory of Grandma Stack
*-Bill and I aren't actually gay. Or are we? (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
You can't spell Class without 'ass'! It's true, try it!
Well, here it is, the long awaited, much anticipated, return of Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch! A lot has happened in the World of Willie Moe since my last entry, as it was a month ago to the day (eerie isn't it?) that I last wrote anything or really even used the internets. But, even before I get going I would like to wish a Happy Belated Birthday to my #1 fan- Timothy Joseph Conroy of Medford, OR. Lil' Timmy turned 27 years young this past weekend. Thanks for the support Tim, glad you enjoy the blog, look for an autographed picture in your mailbox, coming soon. Now to recap, the last couple entries came at a time where I was at my most bitter. The Yankees had just spanked the Red Sox in Game Three of the ALCS 19-8 to go up three games to none in the best of seven series and my friend Bill had a swollen uvula (not really sure of the spelling), attributed to Golden Anniversary Beer, a beer that was only $4.95 a 12er, how could you go wrong? Bill then vowed not to drink for two weeks. This lasted two days. We have since downgraded Bill down to Silver Anniversary beer only, for his uvula's sake! The Red Sox proceeded to win 8 straight games to capture their first World Championship in 86 years! ( I do not know what anniversary 86 years is?) Now, I know what you are thinking, "But Will, you are a die hard Red Sox fan and them winning the World Series only gets a couple lines in your blog, what is the dilly-oh?" Well I'm glad you asked Mr. John Q. Reader. A lot happens in a month and I will have blogs attributed to several things that have happened over this past thirty days, in later blogs, but today I want to talk about basketball.
As you may or may not know, this year me an my friends (yes this is not proper English, but my mom's an English teacher and every now and then I rebel against grammar!) have formed a rec league basketball team (your laugh here). We were just looking to get some excercise, have some fun and then get drunk afterwards. We are sponsored by Change of Pace, a nice family bar. Which means we go after the game and get drunk and eat pizza and the best wings around (sorry Jitter). Sounds like a good time, right? Well, okay it is, for the most part. You see, we entered the least competitive league, thinking, "Oh hey we won't get beat too badly, and there might even be a team or two we can almost win against." Little did we know, that we would be playing classless pricks who whine and bitch about everything. Let me run down a recap of our first 3 games:
Game 1: vs. Bond, King and Schoenk (some sort of law firm)
We lose 78-35- Now this seems like a lopsided game, and it was, but considering a lot of the people we had, had never even met, let alone played together I don't think we did all that bad. Especially since we were sereiously outsized (height wise obviously) and were outrebounded 88-4 (this is an exaggeration, hyperbole if you would, to just make the point we were seriously outrebounded). I had 6 points.
Game 2: vs. my mortal nemeses Chadwick's (a f**king Yankees/ Steelers bar)
This game was actually sort of competitive as we were actually only trailing by single digits a couple minutes into the second half, when one of our players had to leave the game because of injury, leaving us with only five players (at least 3 of which were out of shape white guys) to finish out the game. We lose 71-41. As Chadwick's proceeded to just pop threes for the last 5 minutes, added to there trash talking all game.
ON the bright side I had 9 points and we achieved all three of our goals-1) Score more than 35. 2) Hold Chump, I mean Chadwicks to under 78. 3) Get more than 3 offensive rebounds.
Game 3: vs. Latinos Unidos ( the league's defending champs)
We came in to this one knowing there was not much of a chance we would win, but this was just an utter ass whooping
With 5 minutes to go in the first half we had not scored a basket and trailed 40-0, until I cherry picked (which I do not condone, but these guys were classless pricks) and got a lay-up.
Now here's where the classlessness comes in. They had a full court press on the whole game (they had forty points before we had any!) They beat us by like 80, is there really a need to keep pressing? Was there RPI in jeopardy? Not only did they press all game, they also cherry picked. And this isn't an "all game" where it just seemed like all game, they literally did it all game. Now I don't mind losing, that I can handle, but due it with some class and sportsmanship. I could say whatever I want about this team, because I'm pretty sure none of them know how to use a computer or read.
On a positive not we lost by under 100 points
We also didn't feel bad when we learned they get together and practice 3 times a week, whereas we get together to get drunk three times a week. That could account for something.
We may not win a game, but so far we've been the classiest team and that should count for something. It doesn't, but it should.
I'm just waiting for Toastie to turn into a basketball playing werewolf. Toastie's the hairiest so he seems the most likely to do this. A quick montage of Toastie dunking, stealing, doing some fancy dribbling as we continue to win, until Toastie can't be the wolf anymore and wants to play the Championship game as himself. But we decide we can beat Latinos Unidos as Caucasians United. Another brilliant montage with some inspirational music in the background plays as we mount a come back and finally win on a big climactic play by the Toastmaster General himself. And we win. Turns out we didn't need the wolf after all it was in us all along (sniff).
As you may or may not know, this year me an my friends (yes this is not proper English, but my mom's an English teacher and every now and then I rebel against grammar!) have formed a rec league basketball team (your laugh here). We were just looking to get some excercise, have some fun and then get drunk afterwards. We are sponsored by Change of Pace, a nice family bar. Which means we go after the game and get drunk and eat pizza and the best wings around (sorry Jitter). Sounds like a good time, right? Well, okay it is, for the most part. You see, we entered the least competitive league, thinking, "Oh hey we won't get beat too badly, and there might even be a team or two we can almost win against." Little did we know, that we would be playing classless pricks who whine and bitch about everything. Let me run down a recap of our first 3 games:
Game 1: vs. Bond, King and Schoenk (some sort of law firm)
We lose 78-35- Now this seems like a lopsided game, and it was, but considering a lot of the people we had, had never even met, let alone played together I don't think we did all that bad. Especially since we were sereiously outsized (height wise obviously) and were outrebounded 88-4 (this is an exaggeration, hyperbole if you would, to just make the point we were seriously outrebounded). I had 6 points.
Game 2: vs. my mortal nemeses Chadwick's (a f**king Yankees/ Steelers bar)
This game was actually sort of competitive as we were actually only trailing by single digits a couple minutes into the second half, when one of our players had to leave the game because of injury, leaving us with only five players (at least 3 of which were out of shape white guys) to finish out the game. We lose 71-41. As Chadwick's proceeded to just pop threes for the last 5 minutes, added to there trash talking all game.
ON the bright side I had 9 points and we achieved all three of our goals-1) Score more than 35. 2) Hold Chump, I mean Chadwicks to under 78. 3) Get more than 3 offensive rebounds.
Game 3: vs. Latinos Unidos ( the league's defending champs)
We came in to this one knowing there was not much of a chance we would win, but this was just an utter ass whooping
With 5 minutes to go in the first half we had not scored a basket and trailed 40-0, until I cherry picked (which I do not condone, but these guys were classless pricks) and got a lay-up.
Now here's where the classlessness comes in. They had a full court press on the whole game (they had forty points before we had any!) They beat us by like 80, is there really a need to keep pressing? Was there RPI in jeopardy? Not only did they press all game, they also cherry picked. And this isn't an "all game" where it just seemed like all game, they literally did it all game. Now I don't mind losing, that I can handle, but due it with some class and sportsmanship. I could say whatever I want about this team, because I'm pretty sure none of them know how to use a computer or read.
On a positive not we lost by under 100 points
We also didn't feel bad when we learned they get together and practice 3 times a week, whereas we get together to get drunk three times a week. That could account for something.
We may not win a game, but so far we've been the classiest team and that should count for something. It doesn't, but it should.
I'm just waiting for Toastie to turn into a basketball playing werewolf. Toastie's the hairiest so he seems the most likely to do this. A quick montage of Toastie dunking, stealing, doing some fancy dribbling as we continue to win, until Toastie can't be the wolf anymore and wants to play the Championship game as himself. But we decide we can beat Latinos Unidos as Caucasians United. Another brilliant montage with some inspirational music in the background plays as we mount a come back and finally win on a big climactic play by the Toastmaster General himself. And we win. Turns out we didn't need the wolf after all it was in us all along (sniff).
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Deja-vu, all over again!
Well, it almost seemed inevitable, but once again the Red Sox and Yankees will meet in a best-of-seven series to decide who represents the American League in the World Series. That can only mean one thing, it's go time! Yankees vs. Red Sox, New York vs. Boston, The Evil empire against Red Sox Nation, Clean-shaven Metrosexuals taking on Scruffy "Idiots". For baseball, it's a beautiful thing. And although, as a life-long Sox fan, I was rooting for the Twins in the LDS, I knew it wouldn't be the same if they didn't have to go through the Yankees. If anything it should be a good or at least entertaining series. First off, these teams have split their last 64 meetings right down the middle. The benches have cleared on a number of occassions. and if that's not tantilizing enough, there's a good chance you'll get to here either Tim McCarver or Steve Lyons announce the games. Dare I say, "Jackpot!"
But the reality of it all, is this really could be the year. This could be the year the BoSox do indeed "Reverse the Curse". On paper they're a better team at about 2/3 of the positions in the field. Now sure, "on paper", doesn't always translate to real life. And sure I've been saying, "this could be the year", every year as far back as I can remember. In fact, I think those were my first words. But this series the Red Sox are actually the favorites in Vegas. FAVORITES! Against the Yankees! Now Yankees fans are not exactly shaking in thier boots or anything, but they have to be somewhat nervous, whether they admit or not. Of course the way the Yankees fans tell it, not only have the Sox not won in 86 years but they have been dominated by the Bronx Bombers. Well not recently.
As I already mentioned they've split the last 64 meetings. The Sox took the season series by an 11-8 margin. The last time Boston swept a postseason series where the clinching game was at Fenway was, you guessed it, 1918. This of course, for those of you living under a rock for your whole life, was the last time the Red Sox were the World Champions. Now again all this means nothing, really. It's what happens on the field that decides the series. Red Sox nation knows that all too well. After all they are the ony team in baseball to be one strike, yes ONE FRICKIN, GALDARN strike, away from winning it all and not coming away with it. And I can't forget Aaron "Bleepin" Boone, partly because the highlight is shoved down my throat by Fox and ESPN at any chance possible, and partly because it haunts my draems. But the signs look good. The Yankees bullpen is very weak and their starters have been suspect most of the season. Even, Mr. Automatic, Mariano Rivera has struggled with the BoSox lineup, blowing two save this season alone against them(He only blew four total during the entire regular season.). Although Yankees fans won't admit it, they must be a tad bit nervous that this could be the year the Sox take down the Evil Empire. Rivalry, feud, whatever you want to call it, it's on, and should be another wild ride!
But the reality of it all, is this really could be the year. This could be the year the BoSox do indeed "Reverse the Curse". On paper they're a better team at about 2/3 of the positions in the field. Now sure, "on paper", doesn't always translate to real life. And sure I've been saying, "this could be the year", every year as far back as I can remember. In fact, I think those were my first words. But this series the Red Sox are actually the favorites in Vegas. FAVORITES! Against the Yankees! Now Yankees fans are not exactly shaking in thier boots or anything, but they have to be somewhat nervous, whether they admit or not. Of course the way the Yankees fans tell it, not only have the Sox not won in 86 years but they have been dominated by the Bronx Bombers. Well not recently.
As I already mentioned they've split the last 64 meetings. The Sox took the season series by an 11-8 margin. The last time Boston swept a postseason series where the clinching game was at Fenway was, you guessed it, 1918. This of course, for those of you living under a rock for your whole life, was the last time the Red Sox were the World Champions. Now again all this means nothing, really. It's what happens on the field that decides the series. Red Sox nation knows that all too well. After all they are the ony team in baseball to be one strike, yes ONE FRICKIN, GALDARN strike, away from winning it all and not coming away with it. And I can't forget Aaron "Bleepin" Boone, partly because the highlight is shoved down my throat by Fox and ESPN at any chance possible, and partly because it haunts my draems. But the signs look good. The Yankees bullpen is very weak and their starters have been suspect most of the season. Even, Mr. Automatic, Mariano Rivera has struggled with the BoSox lineup, blowing two save this season alone against them(He only blew four total during the entire regular season.). Although Yankees fans won't admit it, they must be a tad bit nervous that this could be the year the Sox take down the Evil Empire. Rivalry, feud, whatever you want to call it, it's on, and should be another wild ride!
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Bitterness 101
First off I would like to wish my good friend Kenneth Jones a belated Happy Birthday! Go get 'em Kenners! Mothers, lock up your daughters, Ken's on the prowl!
So, while I was working out at the gym the other day. What?! Okay fine you got me Columbo ("You see Columbo, he pretends to be stupid, when really he's sharp like tack."), while I was drinking heavily at a bar the other day I started thinking. No, really, I did. It all started with something, my faithful hetero-life mate Bill Shannon, had said to be hours earlier. Allow me to paint you a picture:
As you may or may not no, I am, on occassion, a tad bit on the bitter side. Sure there are several stages of my bitterness, the highest level, of course, being bitter, drunken Willie. At this point I become very bitter, angry and will, at times, engage in nonsensical arguments, which I don't lose, in my mind anyway. Actually, whilst in this stage I may at some point in my incoherent ranting realize I'm wrong, but keep going for know other reason, than to avoid admitting I'm wrong. One example, would be when my doctor, Dr Chaos himself, Mark Phelps, and I were arguing about the Olympics, of all things, at a local watering hole and we were asked to leave, due to the fact that we could not control, "THE VOLUMES OF OUR VOICES!" It's not something I'm gonna throw on a resume, sure, but I think it adds a unique variable to the bar experience. But, I digress, back to the tale at hand, Billy.
You see Billy and his better half Rage KJ went to the Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots game this past Sunday. In retelling his story, he said he, during the game, had turned into drunken, bitter Willie. Sure, like a mom learning her child had finally stopped wetting the bed, I was proud. However, as he went into detail, I realized this drunken, bitter Billy would not have pleased me. You see the Bills (Bill's favorite squadron) were playing host to the defending World Champion and undefeated New England Patriots (Willie's favorite squadron). Now, as Bill can attest, in general we have no real ill wishes towards each other or our respective teams, because as I put it, "The two teams have never really been good at the same time." So really there is no hatred, from me, towards the Bills. I reserve my football hatred for the Dolphins, Cowboys and Raiders, oh my! But, poor Bill, was seated amongst a large Patriot contingent, in BUFFALO! Which, is fine, gotta go and support the team, right? But a bunch of them had red shirts, with the number 32 on the front, with either O.J. or Juice printed on it (you'll have to ask Bill, I am telling this second- hand.) and on the back a number 11, with the words "Wide Right". Now, if you're not a Bills fan, this is, I will admit humorous, but at the same time cruel. As I previously mentioned, there is no need for Patriots fans to have any sort of hatred directed towards the Bills or their fans. But this is like opening up Pandora's Box with my young bitter padawan learner, as well it should of. Now what Bill yelled, I cannot endorse, but I also do not fault him for it. The only thing to do in Bill's situation, that would not possibly cost him jail time (Jail time? What am I talking about, his brother's BEACH JUSTICE!), was to yell out, a chant I could not and would not, ever, ever, ever utter in that tone, "19-18!" Now Bill hates the Yankees with a lot of his being, not as much as me, because only master Yoda has those kinda of levels, he was just doing it to get a rise out of said hecklers, which is CHAPTER 1 in Willie Moe's: A Guide to Being Bitter (to order, call toll free 1-800-555-HOTT, operators are standing by. Order now and get a free MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU mesh hat!).
You see, while at the bar both the Yankees-Twins and Red Sox-Angels games were on. From what I could tell, there were only Yankees and Red Sox fans watching these games. But both sets of fans had a rooting interest in both games. Red Sox fans cheering on the BoSox and the Twins, while Yankee fans rooted on the Angels and the Yanks. It's just amazing how much you can hate people, without even talking to them or hearing them speak, just by who they're cheering for. I love it! Which brings me to the Yankees fans. Now, if Yankees fans feel they are so far superior than the Red Sox and are not worried about the Red Sox, why would they be rootin against them? After all, according to everyone outside of Beantown, this isn't a rivalry, because it's so one-sided. But is it, is it really? The way Yankees fans talk you would think the Red Sox hardly ever beat them. Sure they have like 20 more championships, but in head-to-head, last I checked it's been pretty close of late (not over the span of their entire existences). Just in the last two years, for example , the two teams have split the last 64 meetings (this is before this year's ALCS, which I'm not even gonna get into, we'll save the bitter blog for a later date). Or the fact that in the late 80s, early 90s, The Red Sox were winnning the AL East, with division titles in '86, '88, and '90. Seems pretty lop-sided to me (note the sarcasm). now Yankees fans may say, well they're winning now, you're talking about the past. Oh, the past, really? The past as in 1918, past? Or 2000, the last Yankees title, past? Yankees fans make me extremely angry and bitter, that's a given. They are like the little spoiled kid down the street who gets everything he wants, like the Knight Rider Big Wheel. Damn you kid who's name I can't remember because your family moved in 2nd grade! But I digress. Now I'm not saying Red Sox fans aren't annoying, because that certainly would not be true, but obviously that annoys me less. And it's not all fans. Its those Yankees fans who come out in October and have no idea what's going on and yell out stupid crap at bars and cheer for fly balls that are routine outs (God I hate that!) and saying things like, and this is an exact quote about the ALCS during Game 1 at the Change of Pace, where they have the most glorious wings ever, but anyway, now that you're lost in this sentence and may need a nap, "Is this a best of seven series?" I just want to grab one of those Quick Draw pencils and stab them in the eye! Now that I've vented a little, I can about my business of the day, which of course will involve drinking and being very bitter, whilst continuing with Billy-ball's bitter training.
So, while I was working out at the gym the other day. What?! Okay fine you got me Columbo ("You see Columbo, he pretends to be stupid, when really he's sharp like tack."), while I was drinking heavily at a bar the other day I started thinking. No, really, I did. It all started with something, my faithful hetero-life mate Bill Shannon, had said to be hours earlier. Allow me to paint you a picture:
As you may or may not no, I am, on occassion, a tad bit on the bitter side. Sure there are several stages of my bitterness, the highest level, of course, being bitter, drunken Willie. At this point I become very bitter, angry and will, at times, engage in nonsensical arguments, which I don't lose, in my mind anyway. Actually, whilst in this stage I may at some point in my incoherent ranting realize I'm wrong, but keep going for know other reason, than to avoid admitting I'm wrong. One example, would be when my doctor, Dr Chaos himself, Mark Phelps, and I were arguing about the Olympics, of all things, at a local watering hole and we were asked to leave, due to the fact that we could not control, "THE VOLUMES OF OUR VOICES!" It's not something I'm gonna throw on a resume, sure, but I think it adds a unique variable to the bar experience. But, I digress, back to the tale at hand, Billy.
You see Billy and his better half Rage KJ went to the Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots game this past Sunday. In retelling his story, he said he, during the game, had turned into drunken, bitter Willie. Sure, like a mom learning her child had finally stopped wetting the bed, I was proud. However, as he went into detail, I realized this drunken, bitter Billy would not have pleased me. You see the Bills (Bill's favorite squadron) were playing host to the defending World Champion and undefeated New England Patriots (Willie's favorite squadron). Now, as Bill can attest, in general we have no real ill wishes towards each other or our respective teams, because as I put it, "The two teams have never really been good at the same time." So really there is no hatred, from me, towards the Bills. I reserve my football hatred for the Dolphins, Cowboys and Raiders, oh my! But, poor Bill, was seated amongst a large Patriot contingent, in BUFFALO! Which, is fine, gotta go and support the team, right? But a bunch of them had red shirts, with the number 32 on the front, with either O.J. or Juice printed on it (you'll have to ask Bill, I am telling this second- hand.) and on the back a number 11, with the words "Wide Right". Now, if you're not a Bills fan, this is, I will admit humorous, but at the same time cruel. As I previously mentioned, there is no need for Patriots fans to have any sort of hatred directed towards the Bills or their fans. But this is like opening up Pandora's Box with my young bitter padawan learner, as well it should of. Now what Bill yelled, I cannot endorse, but I also do not fault him for it. The only thing to do in Bill's situation, that would not possibly cost him jail time (Jail time? What am I talking about, his brother's BEACH JUSTICE!), was to yell out, a chant I could not and would not, ever, ever, ever utter in that tone, "19-18!" Now Bill hates the Yankees with a lot of his being, not as much as me, because only master Yoda has those kinda of levels, he was just doing it to get a rise out of said hecklers, which is CHAPTER 1 in Willie Moe's: A Guide to Being Bitter (to order, call toll free 1-800-555-HOTT, operators are standing by. Order now and get a free MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU mesh hat!).
You see, while at the bar both the Yankees-Twins and Red Sox-Angels games were on. From what I could tell, there were only Yankees and Red Sox fans watching these games. But both sets of fans had a rooting interest in both games. Red Sox fans cheering on the BoSox and the Twins, while Yankee fans rooted on the Angels and the Yanks. It's just amazing how much you can hate people, without even talking to them or hearing them speak, just by who they're cheering for. I love it! Which brings me to the Yankees fans. Now, if Yankees fans feel they are so far superior than the Red Sox and are not worried about the Red Sox, why would they be rootin against them? After all, according to everyone outside of Beantown, this isn't a rivalry, because it's so one-sided. But is it, is it really? The way Yankees fans talk you would think the Red Sox hardly ever beat them. Sure they have like 20 more championships, but in head-to-head, last I checked it's been pretty close of late (not over the span of their entire existences). Just in the last two years, for example , the two teams have split the last 64 meetings (this is before this year's ALCS, which I'm not even gonna get into, we'll save the bitter blog for a later date). Or the fact that in the late 80s, early 90s, The Red Sox were winnning the AL East, with division titles in '86, '88, and '90. Seems pretty lop-sided to me (note the sarcasm). now Yankees fans may say, well they're winning now, you're talking about the past. Oh, the past, really? The past as in 1918, past? Or 2000, the last Yankees title, past? Yankees fans make me extremely angry and bitter, that's a given. They are like the little spoiled kid down the street who gets everything he wants, like the Knight Rider Big Wheel. Damn you kid who's name I can't remember because your family moved in 2nd grade! But I digress. Now I'm not saying Red Sox fans aren't annoying, because that certainly would not be true, but obviously that annoys me less. And it's not all fans. Its those Yankees fans who come out in October and have no idea what's going on and yell out stupid crap at bars and cheer for fly balls that are routine outs (God I hate that!) and saying things like, and this is an exact quote about the ALCS during Game 1 at the Change of Pace, where they have the most glorious wings ever, but anyway, now that you're lost in this sentence and may need a nap, "Is this a best of seven series?" I just want to grab one of those Quick Draw pencils and stab them in the eye! Now that I've vented a little, I can about my business of the day, which of course will involve drinking and being very bitter, whilst continuing with Billy-ball's bitter training.
Friday, October 01, 2004
I'll take Potent Potables for $600 Alex.
Well here it, the much anticipated, long awaited, classic overphrases of what will go down in history has the Best Weekend Ever-Interleague/Old-Stlye.
The participants:
Dr. Chaos himself, Mark "One can of soda" Phelps
The Drunken 5'11 Irishman, Casey, better known as Toastie and lesser known as Shortstop
Jitter- 6'10 baller from Landfill, OH
Jables- The biggest user of Tums in the greater Albany area
Billy- The man behind the "fourth wall" (that means he held the camera)
The Red-Faced Bostonian-Thomas C. O'Connor, aka Tucker
His pal and confidant, Reyn
Danny "you're dead to me" Banazek
Myself, Willie Moe Pain-ya!, a bitter young man with too many hats.
Oh yeah and Dunford
On with the show:
"I'm 5'11!"-Toastie
" Mega-Mart No Thank You! (In reference to my glorious mesh hat)! Mini-mart, yes please."-Jitter
Upon entering the city of Chi-ga-go and seeing an inactive tank:
Toastie, "Why is there a tank there?" My reply, "In case there's a war." (insert Bill giggling here)
"I thought it was the New Jersey album, I was gonna throw myself out of the van!"- Billy
After having to pull off the highway, we looked to Tucker for answers: Us in the van, "Tommy, what's going on?" Tommy's reply, "Anybody got any gum?" (enter the repeated lines from Norm MacDonald as David Letterman on SNL)
In reference to a candy bar mishap on a previous trip, to Montreal, "No candy bars for TOASTIE!"-Phelps
"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-UN-IT!" Bill to some random African-American in Landfill, OH, to which Bill got G-united right back.
"Rock-it!"-Everyone
Toastie, after pumping his fist to a Chi-ga-go bus driver, driving by, "The bus driver rocked me back!"
"Red, pink and blue. God Bless America!"- Me, in reference to the colors of the three wristbands I was donning at the time.
Made up TV spot for the Kroger beverage, Dr. K, "Hey Jitter, how 'bout an house call?" "Ahhhh, just what the doctor ordered!"
"We need constant attention."- My response to our special waitress at the Chi-ga-go bar Sluggers, when asked if we needed anything
"I'm eyeing that soda"- Me in a whisper to Toastie, upon Phelps hopping in the van with a solo can of soda.
"9 inches!"-Don't ask!
"All of it higher"
"AJ Feely, without question, the next Hugh Millen"-Me
"Classic Over-Stroh's!"-Jitter
"I haven't seen a wave that sad since Little League."- Me to Phelps at Miler Park in Wilewaukee, WI
"All of it lower!"
"DUNFORD, watch the road!!!!!"-Everyone in the van fearing for their respective lives.
At the Cubs game (I heard this one second-hand):
Phelps: It's cold.
Dunford: That's why they call it the Windy City.
Tucker (to Phelps): Just punch him in the face Phelpsy."
Editor's note: The term "Windy City" does not actually refer to the weather but to the city's political nature.
"Someone put him out of his misery."-Some random girl while watching Tommy attempt to hula-hoop outside of Wrigley Field
"I'm gonna Press My Luck!"
"Don't get it caught in his thicket of back hair." Javen in reference to the Arby's Adventure Meal toy being rolled along Toastie's back. P.S.-Toastie does have amazing back hair.
"Pass the blue cheese."
"I need some pizza buddy."-Tommy, in response to me trying to get him in a cab back to our hotel. Tommy was highly intoxicated at the time, I wondered how it came to pass that he was still standing.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"- Jitter and Billy
"I don't want you to think I just sleep with random dudes!"- Toastie's message to Pa Cregg for father's day. It's true, Danny and I are by no means random dudes.
Q:"What's Reyn throwing up in?"
A:" A Dodge Stratus."
"Tree! Slap! Boing!"- Possible lyrics to the song, "Roll out the barrel."
And finally, we need to, "FREEZE THOSE CARDS!"
Goodnight and godbless!
The participants:
Dr. Chaos himself, Mark "One can of soda" Phelps
The Drunken 5'11 Irishman, Casey, better known as Toastie and lesser known as Shortstop
Jitter- 6'10 baller from Landfill, OH
Jables- The biggest user of Tums in the greater Albany area
Billy- The man behind the "fourth wall" (that means he held the camera)
The Red-Faced Bostonian-Thomas C. O'Connor, aka Tucker
His pal and confidant, Reyn
Danny "you're dead to me" Banazek
Myself, Willie Moe Pain-ya!, a bitter young man with too many hats.
Oh yeah and Dunford
On with the show:
"I'm 5'11!"-Toastie
" Mega-Mart No Thank You! (In reference to my glorious mesh hat)! Mini-mart, yes please."-Jitter
Upon entering the city of Chi-ga-go and seeing an inactive tank:
Toastie, "Why is there a tank there?" My reply, "In case there's a war." (insert Bill giggling here)
"I thought it was the New Jersey album, I was gonna throw myself out of the van!"- Billy
After having to pull off the highway, we looked to Tucker for answers: Us in the van, "Tommy, what's going on?" Tommy's reply, "Anybody got any gum?" (enter the repeated lines from Norm MacDonald as David Letterman on SNL)
In reference to a candy bar mishap on a previous trip, to Montreal, "No candy bars for TOASTIE!"-Phelps
"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-UN-IT!" Bill to some random African-American in Landfill, OH, to which Bill got G-united right back.
"Rock-it!"-Everyone
Toastie, after pumping his fist to a Chi-ga-go bus driver, driving by, "The bus driver rocked me back!"
"Red, pink and blue. God Bless America!"- Me, in reference to the colors of the three wristbands I was donning at the time.
Made up TV spot for the Kroger beverage, Dr. K, "Hey Jitter, how 'bout an house call?" "Ahhhh, just what the doctor ordered!"
"We need constant attention."- My response to our special waitress at the Chi-ga-go bar Sluggers, when asked if we needed anything
"I'm eyeing that soda"- Me in a whisper to Toastie, upon Phelps hopping in the van with a solo can of soda.
"9 inches!"-Don't ask!
"All of it higher"
"AJ Feely, without question, the next Hugh Millen"-Me
"Classic Over-Stroh's!"-Jitter
"I haven't seen a wave that sad since Little League."- Me to Phelps at Miler Park in Wilewaukee, WI
"All of it lower!"
"DUNFORD, watch the road!!!!!"-Everyone in the van fearing for their respective lives.
At the Cubs game (I heard this one second-hand):
Phelps: It's cold.
Dunford: That's why they call it the Windy City.
Tucker (to Phelps): Just punch him in the face Phelpsy."
Editor's note: The term "Windy City" does not actually refer to the weather but to the city's political nature.
"Someone put him out of his misery."-Some random girl while watching Tommy attempt to hula-hoop outside of Wrigley Field
"I'm gonna Press My Luck!"
"Don't get it caught in his thicket of back hair." Javen in reference to the Arby's Adventure Meal toy being rolled along Toastie's back. P.S.-Toastie does have amazing back hair.
"Pass the blue cheese."
"I need some pizza buddy."-Tommy, in response to me trying to get him in a cab back to our hotel. Tommy was highly intoxicated at the time, I wondered how it came to pass that he was still standing.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"- Jitter and Billy
"I don't want you to think I just sleep with random dudes!"- Toastie's message to Pa Cregg for father's day. It's true, Danny and I are by no means random dudes.
Q:"What's Reyn throwing up in?"
A:" A Dodge Stratus."
"Tree! Slap! Boing!"- Possible lyrics to the song, "Roll out the barrel."
And finally, we need to, "FREEZE THOSE CARDS!"
Goodnight and godbless!
It's Debatable!
Last evening I watched my first ever Presedential debate from start to finish. Not having cable, it was either that or watch the hit WB series (yes, I realize I just used "hit" and the WB in the same sentence, god help me!) One Tree Hill, with special guest star Huey Lewis. Like that's gonna happen! C'mon, I already have that episode on tape! So anyways here's my take on the debate:
John Kerry reminds me of one of those puppets from the Phil Collins video. You know, "this is the world we live in, woooooh...."
George W. (pronounced dubya) Bush kind of reminded me of Adam Sandler towards the end of Billy Madison, just hoping his topic would be, "Dog poo and the human response"
John Kerry: This war on Iraq reminds me much of the war in Vietnam, which I not only fought in, but was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: This war on terrorism (pronounced tearism when Bush says it) reminds me of a little puppy, a little puppy that lost it's way.
Kerry: I WILL hunt down and kill the terrorists, much like I had to hunt and kill in Vietnam, where I served our country and was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: I'm the PREZ! Nobody beats me, cause I'm the PREZ!
Kerry: This tan I now have, is much like the one I got in Vietnam, where I served our country proudly. It was hot and sunny over there, in Vietnam, where I was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: I'm the president, neeeener, neener, neeeeeeeeener.
Now a way to make the upcoming debates fun for the whole family at home.....Turn them into a drinking game of course! (Make sure you have lots of alcohol available)
1drink anytime:
Bush is shown with that smug, arrogant disintersted, digusted face, otherwise known as the Bush, "I'm not really listening, but I know they're talking bad about me" face
Kerry shows those big equine teeth of his (get the guy a bit to chew on)
Bush stutters or has a long "thinking" pause
Anyone one says "War on terrorism". Bush saying, "the war on tearism" also counts.
2 drinks anytime:
Bush uses a big word that he doesn't understand. We're talking polysyllabic intelligent words that there's know way in Iraq, he knows the meaning of. Example from last night: Vociferously
Anytime either candidate utters the words, "Wrong war, wrong place, wrong time."
Anytime Bush refers to Kerry as a flip-flopper or shower shoes
Anytime Kerry mentions his service in Vietnam
3 drinks for:
Mention of stem cell research, gay marriage (this drink must be either a daquiri or a sea breeze), or weapons of mass destruction.
Either candidate does the ever famous, Clinton thumb point thing.
Bush makes up a word, like couragosity.
These are just a few things, feel free to see where the wind takes you and add you're own rules to the game. Let's make America great again folks! Get out and vote and vote often, for your NBA All-Stars! We will get John Kerry on that team yet!
VOTE KERRY!
GO RED SOX!
MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU!
John Kerry reminds me of one of those puppets from the Phil Collins video. You know, "this is the world we live in, woooooh...."
George W. (pronounced dubya) Bush kind of reminded me of Adam Sandler towards the end of Billy Madison, just hoping his topic would be, "Dog poo and the human response"
John Kerry: This war on Iraq reminds me much of the war in Vietnam, which I not only fought in, but was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: This war on terrorism (pronounced tearism when Bush says it) reminds me of a little puppy, a little puppy that lost it's way.
Kerry: I WILL hunt down and kill the terrorists, much like I had to hunt and kill in Vietnam, where I served our country and was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: I'm the PREZ! Nobody beats me, cause I'm the PREZ!
Kerry: This tan I now have, is much like the one I got in Vietnam, where I served our country proudly. It was hot and sunny over there, in Vietnam, where I was awarded purple hearts.
Dubya: I'm the president, neeeener, neener, neeeeeeeeener.
Now a way to make the upcoming debates fun for the whole family at home.....Turn them into a drinking game of course! (Make sure you have lots of alcohol available)
1drink anytime:
Bush is shown with that smug, arrogant disintersted, digusted face, otherwise known as the Bush, "I'm not really listening, but I know they're talking bad about me" face
Kerry shows those big equine teeth of his (get the guy a bit to chew on)
Bush stutters or has a long "thinking" pause
Anyone one says "War on terrorism". Bush saying, "the war on tearism" also counts.
2 drinks anytime:
Bush uses a big word that he doesn't understand. We're talking polysyllabic intelligent words that there's know way in Iraq, he knows the meaning of. Example from last night: Vociferously
Anytime either candidate utters the words, "Wrong war, wrong place, wrong time."
Anytime Bush refers to Kerry as a flip-flopper or shower shoes
Anytime Kerry mentions his service in Vietnam
3 drinks for:
Mention of stem cell research, gay marriage (this drink must be either a daquiri or a sea breeze), or weapons of mass destruction.
Either candidate does the ever famous, Clinton thumb point thing.
Bush makes up a word, like couragosity.
These are just a few things, feel free to see where the wind takes you and add you're own rules to the game. Let's make America great again folks! Get out and vote and vote often, for your NBA All-Stars! We will get John Kerry on that team yet!
VOTE KERRY!
GO RED SOX!
MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU!
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
An Atkins-unfriendly Weekend!
The waiting was over. The time had come. The pterydactyl bellowed. And with a quick, "Yabba-dabba- doo!" I was down the brontosaurus' tail and the Weekend Of Will was underway!A quick call to my party liason, William Herbert Shannon, and the wheels were in motion for a wet and wild weekend! First stop, some 9-5 businessman's bar downtown where I would meet Billy and his better half Kathy, more prominently known as Rage KJ (that's pronounced cage), for a couple of cold ones and some lightehearted laughs. Then it was off to heaven on earth, no, not Billy's lap, but the Change of Pace sports bar. If you've never been, then what in the sam hill is the matter with you!!!! They have good beer, great food, and a delightfully homey atmosphere. Not homey in the hip-hop or the Damon Wayans character from In Living Color way, but in that they make you feel at home. (Note: One of the best cooks in the biz no longer graces their kitchen with his prescence, but the food is still scrum-diddily-umptious!) But I digress. Bill, Rage and myself find Toastie's friend CJ (sure I'd met him several times and couldn't remember his name, but I did recognize him, and that should count for something, right?) at the bar, and we start enjoying some liquid bread (that's beer for those of you not too quick on the uptake.) The game started and it didn't take long for the bitter juices to start flowing. The entrance of our friend the Mad Costa Rica, Leandro, donning a Yankees jacket and cap, didn't not help matters. I tried to take him down a peg by mentioning that this ain't Paraguay, and there's no barter system, so he'd better not count on buying a beer with livestock or his native country's staple crop. After this mix of bitterness and stupidity, we proceeded to watch the game, which was then delayed by rain, no big deal, it happens. But, BUT, what made the bitter barometer (it's pronounced thermometer) shoot up a few levels, was the fact that NBC decided it would show Third Watch in it's entirety, regardless of whether or not the game resumed. Wait a sec, hold the phone.....in it's entirety. WILL'S GETTIN UPSET! This was about the same time that the lil' lightbulb above Billy's head lit up, and he and Rage ordered pizza and wings to appease the bitter beast that was me. And let's just say, mission accomplished! The game would resume (we missed about an inning and a half due to them turing to Heidi, I mean Third Watch), we ate drank, exchanged a few laughs, and the Sox defeated the Yanks, although Toastie and myself were the only ones around still drinking by the games finish. I went home knowing the world was right, I was drunk and the Red Sox were only 2 1/2 back of the hated Yankees. Oh how quickly emotions can change.
Saturday started, as it should, with me still drunk and watching ABC Kids. They really do have some quality programming on that network. Well as the Red-Sox game was about to start I was sort of sobered up, but was still in my, ever so comfy, pajama pants. They're plaid for those of you scoring at home. Well, as the game started the Red Sox looked like the Red Sox of yore, the Sox I've come to know and love, shooting themselves in the foot and making their fans want to shoot themselves in the head. With the score: a lot to a little in the second inning, my saving grace arrived in the form of a phone call from my good friend Wreckin Ball. She was ready to go to the Change of Pace and drink, and with the score as it was, I was on the same page. On a side note, I don't think it's possible to be a straight edge Red Sox fan. You just need something to take the edge off. On the bright side I did get to see the Orangemen, I mean the Orange (sorry if I offended any Orange-Americans), beat the Mighty Bearcats from Cincinnati. Well after a couple of pitchers of beer, I decided it was time for a nap. Don't worry I went home first, I didn't just pass out at the bar. Although it wouldn't be the first time. The plans for later would include bowling and beer, with a side of karaoke at good 'ol Astro Lanes, with Wreckin Ball and B-Rad. (Hours elapse). So while waiting for Wreckin Ball to use the ATM, I spot some sweetie $.99 authentic plastic shades. They would be mine, oh yes, they would be mine. So with my new shades in hand, it was off to Astro, where we were shocked to find, dun, dun, duh....there was no open bowling that evening. I was none to pleased, so I stormed right outta there, after finishing 2 or 3 beers first of course. We needed to regroup. Wreckin Ball was hungry, I was sober, there was only one solution. You guessed it! Say it with me now, "Change of Pace". We arrived, ordered a pitcher of beer, a chicken wing pizza and some wings. Now, whilst we were sitting enjoying our beers, waiting for our food, some drunk Eminem wanna-be strolled up to our table, talking on his cell phone. He proceeded to inquire about the kitchen, what kind of food we had and even started telling us what he wanted, to which Wreckin Ball replied, "You can order at the bar." Upset, he replied, "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be!" and gangsta-walked away. At the bar he told everyone, "That girl back there (Wreckin Ball) played me, yo." The patrons at the bar, having forgotten their Hip-Hop to English dictionaries, were confused. He proceeded to order two dozen wings and a dozen chinken fingers (which are each bigger than your hand) and a shot of Sambuka, to go. Well, the shot was for there. Anyways the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful, we drank, ate, laughed, made fun of people and were on our way. But not before I snagged a to-go box for the last two slices of pizza (you just don't waste that.)
I awoke Sunday, with only two things on my mind, Chicken Wing Pizza and football. So I went to the fridge and grabbed the leftover pizza, while also realizing it was time to change the box of baking powder, or is it baking soda? I dunno you'll have to ask Billy. Speaking of Billy, he and I were set for a long day of drinking and watching football. We headed to Pat's Sports Pub, the definition of a hole in the wall drinking venue if ever there were one, where we would proceed to try and watch seven games at the same time. Our bartender's name was Jen and she dug us, I could tell. Let me tell you, if Bill weren't involved and I didn't repel women with the greatest of ease, we could've had her. Of those last two statements, the only truth is that the bartender's name was Jen. But she did like my sunglasses (the aforementioned $.99 pick-up from the night before). It was a good time had by all! I had to leave at about 7pm for a work function, where there would be free wings, mozzarella stix (why do they spell it with an 'x'?) and bowling. Nothing too eventful there, except I lost part of my buzz and pulled a muscle, so it was off to the Change of Pace one more time to meet Billy and watch the Bengals defeat those bastard Dolphins (pardon my French) without Kitna. So, in summary the first Weekend Of Will was a success and contrary to popular belief and modern science, I survived. Thanks to all who participated. Goodnight and godspeed!
Saturday started, as it should, with me still drunk and watching ABC Kids. They really do have some quality programming on that network. Well as the Red-Sox game was about to start I was sort of sobered up, but was still in my, ever so comfy, pajama pants. They're plaid for those of you scoring at home. Well, as the game started the Red Sox looked like the Red Sox of yore, the Sox I've come to know and love, shooting themselves in the foot and making their fans want to shoot themselves in the head. With the score: a lot to a little in the second inning, my saving grace arrived in the form of a phone call from my good friend Wreckin Ball. She was ready to go to the Change of Pace and drink, and with the score as it was, I was on the same page. On a side note, I don't think it's possible to be a straight edge Red Sox fan. You just need something to take the edge off. On the bright side I did get to see the Orangemen, I mean the Orange (sorry if I offended any Orange-Americans), beat the Mighty Bearcats from Cincinnati. Well after a couple of pitchers of beer, I decided it was time for a nap. Don't worry I went home first, I didn't just pass out at the bar. Although it wouldn't be the first time. The plans for later would include bowling and beer, with a side of karaoke at good 'ol Astro Lanes, with Wreckin Ball and B-Rad. (Hours elapse). So while waiting for Wreckin Ball to use the ATM, I spot some sweetie $.99 authentic plastic shades. They would be mine, oh yes, they would be mine. So with my new shades in hand, it was off to Astro, where we were shocked to find, dun, dun, duh....there was no open bowling that evening. I was none to pleased, so I stormed right outta there, after finishing 2 or 3 beers first of course. We needed to regroup. Wreckin Ball was hungry, I was sober, there was only one solution. You guessed it! Say it with me now, "Change of Pace". We arrived, ordered a pitcher of beer, a chicken wing pizza and some wings. Now, whilst we were sitting enjoying our beers, waiting for our food, some drunk Eminem wanna-be strolled up to our table, talking on his cell phone. He proceeded to inquire about the kitchen, what kind of food we had and even started telling us what he wanted, to which Wreckin Ball replied, "You can order at the bar." Upset, he replied, "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be!" and gangsta-walked away. At the bar he told everyone, "That girl back there (Wreckin Ball) played me, yo." The patrons at the bar, having forgotten their Hip-Hop to English dictionaries, were confused. He proceeded to order two dozen wings and a dozen chinken fingers (which are each bigger than your hand) and a shot of Sambuka, to go. Well, the shot was for there. Anyways the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful, we drank, ate, laughed, made fun of people and were on our way. But not before I snagged a to-go box for the last two slices of pizza (you just don't waste that.)
I awoke Sunday, with only two things on my mind, Chicken Wing Pizza and football. So I went to the fridge and grabbed the leftover pizza, while also realizing it was time to change the box of baking powder, or is it baking soda? I dunno you'll have to ask Billy. Speaking of Billy, he and I were set for a long day of drinking and watching football. We headed to Pat's Sports Pub, the definition of a hole in the wall drinking venue if ever there were one, where we would proceed to try and watch seven games at the same time. Our bartender's name was Jen and she dug us, I could tell. Let me tell you, if Bill weren't involved and I didn't repel women with the greatest of ease, we could've had her. Of those last two statements, the only truth is that the bartender's name was Jen. But she did like my sunglasses (the aforementioned $.99 pick-up from the night before). It was a good time had by all! I had to leave at about 7pm for a work function, where there would be free wings, mozzarella stix (why do they spell it with an 'x'?) and bowling. Nothing too eventful there, except I lost part of my buzz and pulled a muscle, so it was off to the Change of Pace one more time to meet Billy and watch the Bengals defeat those bastard Dolphins (pardon my French) without Kitna. So, in summary the first Weekend Of Will was a success and contrary to popular belief and modern science, I survived. Thanks to all who participated. Goodnight and godspeed!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I've been wearing the same underwear for four days.
Today I made an inadvertant discovery before getting to my blog post. No, it wasn't the undwear thing, that was very vertant (I don't think that's a word, but anyways)! Each day before I check my blog for comments or go to post a new one, I like to see if my chums have made any new comments on their respective blogs, so after checking poor Jitter's underblog, and having a hearty laugh of Billy's blog ( a nice lil' recap of our exploits in the Midwest), I attempted to go to Toastie's blog, I missed a letter on the key board and ended up here. Was this some sort of sign from above? Is Toastie somehow linked to this mysterious website 'o' da lord? Is that why he almost drove us into a ditch screaming, "One Way JESUS!" en route to a New Jersey Giants game, a few years back? Was this the reason he know longer came to our pagan ritual sacrifices of virgins? Or, maybe it was sheer coincidence and means nothing. But I say this to you Toastie, "Your move holy man!"
Well now that, that's off my chest, I will move on to more senseless rambling, which I'm known so well for. It's now about 34 hours until the start of Weekend Of Will, and may be the last time you hear from be for awhile, maybe even forever, depending on how the weekend plays out. So without further ado (drum roll please)... here's my prediction for Week 2 in the NFL:
Marvin Lewis can't take the losing any more, he looks down the sideline and makes eye contact with the rugged and yet not very handsome Jon Kitna, and utters two words, "it's time". On national television, Kitna runs out to the huddle, pats Carson Palmer on the back and says, "I got this one Heisman." Kitna proceeds to carve up the once highly overrated Miami Dolphins secondary, carrying the Bengals to victory, much to the dismay of Dolphins fans who are still wondering why Shula won't bring Marino in to the game!
The Giants will fall to the Redskins (hey, how come they're allowed to be the Redskins, but Syracuse can't be the Orangemen?) Shockey call Joe Gibbs gay, LaVar Arrington will disenvite Shockey to his chess room, when they meet in Washington. Quote of the week as heard on Dan Patrick in regards to Tom Coughlin fining several players for being early to team meetings, " Pretty soon they're gonna stop playing for him." My question is when did they start playing for him?
The Patriots will dominate the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal (insert Javen's high-pitched bird squeal, it's glorious trust me.)
The Bills will win a shootout in Oakland 45-42, Alex Van Pelt will be up in the booth screaming incoherently.
I will be covered in wing sauce and drunk as a skunk throughout.
Enjoy and remember to control the pet population and have you're pets spayed and neutered.
Well now that, that's off my chest, I will move on to more senseless rambling, which I'm known so well for. It's now about 34 hours until the start of Weekend Of Will, and may be the last time you hear from be for awhile, maybe even forever, depending on how the weekend plays out. So without further ado (drum roll please)... here's my prediction for Week 2 in the NFL:
Marvin Lewis can't take the losing any more, he looks down the sideline and makes eye contact with the rugged and yet not very handsome Jon Kitna, and utters two words, "it's time". On national television, Kitna runs out to the huddle, pats Carson Palmer on the back and says, "I got this one Heisman." Kitna proceeds to carve up the once highly overrated Miami Dolphins secondary, carrying the Bengals to victory, much to the dismay of Dolphins fans who are still wondering why Shula won't bring Marino in to the game!
The Giants will fall to the Redskins (hey, how come they're allowed to be the Redskins, but Syracuse can't be the Orangemen?) Shockey call Joe Gibbs gay, LaVar Arrington will disenvite Shockey to his chess room, when they meet in Washington. Quote of the week as heard on Dan Patrick in regards to Tom Coughlin fining several players for being early to team meetings, " Pretty soon they're gonna stop playing for him." My question is when did they start playing for him?
The Patriots will dominate the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal (insert Javen's high-pitched bird squeal, it's glorious trust me.)
The Bills will win a shootout in Oakland 45-42, Alex Van Pelt will be up in the booth screaming incoherently.
I will be covered in wing sauce and drunk as a skunk throughout.
Enjoy and remember to control the pet population and have you're pets spayed and neutered.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
I Declare This....The Weekend of Will!!
Well I know all of my faithful readers were eagerly awaiting my next blog, so I put on some pants and headed to the library and here I am! First things first, the first weekend of the NFL Season has come and gone, as have quite a few Change of Pace wings and alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately I missed most of the pigskin action due to "The Man" keeping me down and making me work on God's day! But I did happen to catch a good amount of the Chiefs-Broncos and Packers-Panthers games, and did so while eating scrumptious chicken wings and drinking some refreshing beer, mmmm beer. Anyways, here's how my week 1 predictions turned out:
The Bengals did not win, and I think we all know why! Kitna remained on the sidelines helpless, biding his time as Carson Palmer proceeded to lead the Bengals to defeat at the hands of the New Jersey Jets. Cincy plays game #2 without Kitna at the helm, in front of a national television audience on ESPN, Sunday Night! If only poor JK had Change of Pace Wings and beer to ease the pain, like I will. "Sweep the leg Jonny!"
Moving on, my good friend Toastie did not show up at Change of Pace on Sunday, for whatever reason ( it's okay to admit the Giants loss makes you want to be alone and listen to....Air Supply.)
Okay I don't even remember my other predictions and I'm not looking at my previous blog to check. If you really want to know you can ask me personally.
The big news is in Week two, which will directly coincide with the Weekend Of Will or W.O.W. for short. I will be out of work on Friday at 5pm, and won't have to work again until Monday! Some quick math for you non-math majors, that's two whole days off. Two days of debauchery. Two days with nothing to do but watch sports and tv, whilst envibing more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages. Not only will I get to watch all three Red-Sox wins, I mean games, against the Yankees, I will also be able to watch my alma mater, Syracuse University, take on the Mighty, Mighty Bearcats, not of Binghamton, but of Cincinnati, and my beloved World Champion New England Patriots battle the Arizona Cardinals and whoever it is that starts at Quarterback for them. " I'm busting Jerry, I'm busting!" Also my fantasy football team, the Boise Thrill will have it's first game of the season against Chuckarama, or as I like to call them, CHUMP-arama. See what I did was replace Chuck, with Chump. Now I don't have an exact itinerary in mind because I like to fly by the seat of my pants (except when I wear chaps, it gets very drafty.), but let's just say I know a little bar on Grant Boulevard that should be stocked up on PBR, wings and BLTs!! My prediction..............PAIN!!
The Bengals did not win, and I think we all know why! Kitna remained on the sidelines helpless, biding his time as Carson Palmer proceeded to lead the Bengals to defeat at the hands of the New Jersey Jets. Cincy plays game #2 without Kitna at the helm, in front of a national television audience on ESPN, Sunday Night! If only poor JK had Change of Pace Wings and beer to ease the pain, like I will. "Sweep the leg Jonny!"
Moving on, my good friend Toastie did not show up at Change of Pace on Sunday, for whatever reason ( it's okay to admit the Giants loss makes you want to be alone and listen to....Air Supply.)
Okay I don't even remember my other predictions and I'm not looking at my previous blog to check. If you really want to know you can ask me personally.
The big news is in Week two, which will directly coincide with the Weekend Of Will or W.O.W. for short. I will be out of work on Friday at 5pm, and won't have to work again until Monday! Some quick math for you non-math majors, that's two whole days off. Two days of debauchery. Two days with nothing to do but watch sports and tv, whilst envibing more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages. Not only will I get to watch all three Red-Sox wins, I mean games, against the Yankees, I will also be able to watch my alma mater, Syracuse University, take on the Mighty, Mighty Bearcats, not of Binghamton, but of Cincinnati, and my beloved World Champion New England Patriots battle the Arizona Cardinals and whoever it is that starts at Quarterback for them. " I'm busting Jerry, I'm busting!" Also my fantasy football team, the Boise Thrill will have it's first game of the season against Chuckarama, or as I like to call them, CHUMP-arama. See what I did was replace Chuck, with Chump. Now I don't have an exact itinerary in mind because I like to fly by the seat of my pants (except when I wear chaps, it gets very drafty.), but let's just say I know a little bar on Grant Boulevard that should be stocked up on PBR, wings and BLTs!! My prediction..............PAIN!!
Friday, September 10, 2004
Chili Cheese Blog
Last night was glorious!!! The tension mounted. What was going to happen? The waiting was killing me, and then it happened......I decided to go with the 1/2-rib platter, with a side of AKC Chili and baked beans. And boy let me tell you, it was delectible! Plus I got to share this with a special someone, let's just call him, "Phil Cannon". Lights were low, expectations high, it was a little slice of heaven. Oh yeah and there was football on too. Last you heard, I made it abundantly clear how little I know about the NFL, and now I will only do more to prove this point, as I break out my Week 1 predictions:
My lock of the week is, drum roll please...... the Patriots, who'll edge out Jack Trudeau and the Colts, by a Viniatieri
The Bengals will struggle and struggle mightily with Carson Palmer at the helm, trailing 27-3(in NFL films voice): .....when a hard-nosed Jon Kitna puts the Bengals on his back and proceeds to pick apart the Jet secondary. With poise and precision Kitna leads the Bengals to an overtime victory 33-27, causing much rejoice in the queen city.........
Tiki Barber fumbles in the red zone, Kurt Warner receives a new concussion, Eli Manning is booed as he is picked off by Lito Shepard, who returns the inner to the house, Eagles celebrate as Jeremy Shockey taunts a 7-year old Eagles fan sitting with his dad, who just happens to resemble Vai Sikahema! Finish your beer for the mention of Shockey's name, when he's not even playing.
I will drink so much beer and eat so much red meat that words will not be able to describe how I feel on Monday
My good friend Casey, who will for all other blogs be addressed by the name Toastie, will not show up at the Change of Pace, but rather sit home and drink away his sorrows after the Giants lose.
I'll be dead to Danny B.
There will be many a homo-erotic innuendo.
My good pal Javen will be drunk and yelling about how much he hates that dink and dunk s*&t, throwing an occassional, "Why are you so bitter" in my general direction.
Enjoy the games!
My lock of the week is, drum roll please...... the Patriots, who'll edge out Jack Trudeau and the Colts, by a Viniatieri
The Bengals will struggle and struggle mightily with Carson Palmer at the helm, trailing 27-3(in NFL films voice): .....when a hard-nosed Jon Kitna puts the Bengals on his back and proceeds to pick apart the Jet secondary. With poise and precision Kitna leads the Bengals to an overtime victory 33-27, causing much rejoice in the queen city.........
Tiki Barber fumbles in the red zone, Kurt Warner receives a new concussion, Eli Manning is booed as he is picked off by Lito Shepard, who returns the inner to the house, Eagles celebrate as Jeremy Shockey taunts a 7-year old Eagles fan sitting with his dad, who just happens to resemble Vai Sikahema! Finish your beer for the mention of Shockey's name, when he's not even playing.
I will drink so much beer and eat so much red meat that words will not be able to describe how I feel on Monday
My good friend Casey, who will for all other blogs be addressed by the name Toastie, will not show up at the Change of Pace, but rather sit home and drink away his sorrows after the Giants lose.
I'll be dead to Danny B.
There will be many a homo-erotic innuendo.
My good pal Javen will be drunk and yelling about how much he hates that dink and dunk s*&t, throwing an occassional, "Why are you so bitter" in my general direction.
Enjoy the games!
Thursday, September 09, 2004
I Know Nothing About the NFL!
Glad you made it, welcome to my blog. Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy now. If you don't what song I'm paraphrasing from, then you probably don't know me at all, of course there's the off chance that even if you do know where that is from, you still don't know me at all. And then there's some who don't know where it's from, but still know me fairly well. Phew! Either way, the show must go on!
As I went to rank professional football players for my upcoming Fantasy Football Team-The Boise Thrill, perhaps you haven't heard of them-I realized how little I know about what's going on in the NFL. For instance did you know there's a team in Tennessee now? And apparently the Browns took a few years off, I didn't know you could do that? So here are few questions that I hope to find answ,ers to this NFL season:
1. Who is the Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback? I honestly don't know! But, I figure as long as Joe Bugel is the head coach, the sky's the limit in 'Zona!
2. Will anyone be able to stop Barry Sanders and the Lions? I figure with these kids Harrington and Rogers they should dominate the NFC Central!
3. Why don't the Bengals realize how good, nay, great Jon Kitna is? He almost led them to the playoffs last year, and in Cincy that's about the best you can hope for, right? And isn't Kitna really just a synonym for MVP? Just give him the ball and let him create, people!
4. Why do people insist on praising David Akers so much? He's like the most overrated kicker going! You heard me Phelps!
5. Does my good compatriate Toastie even know the name of the New Jersey football Giants' (They play two feet away from where the Nets and Devils play, it ain't New York!) new placekicker? No Toastie, it's not Doug Christie, try again.
6. Why is there so much negativity in Buffalo? It stinks! Pete Metzalaars is not walking through that door people. That and Pete has a tough name to spell (Metzalaars isn't in spellcheck).
NOTE: This was just put in for my friendly Bills fans, Bojangles, Beach Justice and Herb Deluxe, or as they are better known- The Orchard Park Trio. Actually know one calls them that, but maybe it'll catch on. I hold no ill will towards the Bills or their fans, and think Buffalo is a wonderful city! They created Buffalo Wing for cryin' out loud! Buffalo that is, not the Orchard Park Trio.
7. How many chicken wings will I eat during the NFL Season (including postseason)?
8. Will anyone take down Westside Green?!
9. Is Vinnie Testaverde the answer in Dallas?
10. Has Vinnie Testaverde been the answer anywhere? No sympathy Vinnie, no sympathy!
11. How much do I hate the Dolphins? Oh wait, I already know this one, almost as much as I hate the New York baseball Yankees! (I guess putting the sport in front of the team doesn't work all the time.)
Wow, lots of questions to be answered! Well here are some of my predictions for the 2004-2005 season:
Division finishes:
AFC EAST- Colts, Patriots, Bills, Jets, Dolphins-despite them having Lamar Gordon)
AFC CENTRAL-Oilers, Bengals, Steelers, Browns
AFC WEST-Chiefs, Seahawks, Broncos, Chargers, Raiders
NFC EAST- Eagles, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants, Cardinals- thank god for the Cardinals, eh Giants fans!
NFC CENTRAL-Packers, Lions, Vikings, Buccaneers, Bears
NFC WEST- Rams, Saints, 49ers, Falcons
AFC CHAMPION-Colts
NFC CHAMPION-Eagles
SUPER BOWL CHAMPS- Eagles
This ones for Heath Sherman, plus isnt Terrell Owens overdue anyways?
AFC MVP-Jon Kitna
NFC MVP-Kleinsasser
As I went to rank professional football players for my upcoming Fantasy Football Team-The Boise Thrill, perhaps you haven't heard of them-I realized how little I know about what's going on in the NFL. For instance did you know there's a team in Tennessee now? And apparently the Browns took a few years off, I didn't know you could do that? So here are few questions that I hope to find answ,ers to this NFL season:
1. Who is the Arizona Cardinals starting quarterback? I honestly don't know! But, I figure as long as Joe Bugel is the head coach, the sky's the limit in 'Zona!
2. Will anyone be able to stop Barry Sanders and the Lions? I figure with these kids Harrington and Rogers they should dominate the NFC Central!
3. Why don't the Bengals realize how good, nay, great Jon Kitna is? He almost led them to the playoffs last year, and in Cincy that's about the best you can hope for, right? And isn't Kitna really just a synonym for MVP? Just give him the ball and let him create, people!
4. Why do people insist on praising David Akers so much? He's like the most overrated kicker going! You heard me Phelps!
5. Does my good compatriate Toastie even know the name of the New Jersey football Giants' (They play two feet away from where the Nets and Devils play, it ain't New York!) new placekicker? No Toastie, it's not Doug Christie, try again.
6. Why is there so much negativity in Buffalo? It stinks! Pete Metzalaars is not walking through that door people. That and Pete has a tough name to spell (Metzalaars isn't in spellcheck).
NOTE: This was just put in for my friendly Bills fans, Bojangles, Beach Justice and Herb Deluxe, or as they are better known- The Orchard Park Trio. Actually know one calls them that, but maybe it'll catch on. I hold no ill will towards the Bills or their fans, and think Buffalo is a wonderful city! They created Buffalo Wing for cryin' out loud! Buffalo that is, not the Orchard Park Trio.
7. How many chicken wings will I eat during the NFL Season (including postseason)?
8. Will anyone take down Westside Green?!
9. Is Vinnie Testaverde the answer in Dallas?
10. Has Vinnie Testaverde been the answer anywhere? No sympathy Vinnie, no sympathy!
11. How much do I hate the Dolphins? Oh wait, I already know this one, almost as much as I hate the New York baseball Yankees! (I guess putting the sport in front of the team doesn't work all the time.)
Wow, lots of questions to be answered! Well here are some of my predictions for the 2004-2005 season:
Division finishes:
AFC EAST- Colts, Patriots, Bills, Jets, Dolphins-despite them having Lamar Gordon)
AFC CENTRAL-Oilers, Bengals, Steelers, Browns
AFC WEST-Chiefs, Seahawks, Broncos, Chargers, Raiders
NFC EAST- Eagles, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants, Cardinals- thank god for the Cardinals, eh Giants fans!
NFC CENTRAL-Packers, Lions, Vikings, Buccaneers, Bears
NFC WEST- Rams, Saints, 49ers, Falcons
AFC CHAMPION-Colts
NFC CHAMPION-Eagles
SUPER BOWL CHAMPS- Eagles
This ones for Heath Sherman, plus isnt Terrell Owens overdue anyways?
AFC MVP-Jon Kitna
NFC MVP-Kleinsasser
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