Sunday, November 23, 2008


Yes it is that time of year again. A time to gather with family, possibly friends, over eat, over drink, oversleep and watch some football. Oh yeah and give thanks. So we thought we'd see what some NFLers are thankful for this holiday season.

Dolphins fans are thankful for Dan Marino's resurgence, "He's still the quarterback, right?"

Lane Kiffin: This year I am giving thanks to be out from under soul sucking Al Davis' claws! Although, for some reason I still sense his presence around me, like he's now a part of me or something. sometimes I think I can see what he's thinking. I think he may have some how made me into a horcrux. In fact there's a good chance neither of us can live while the other survives.

Eric Mangini: I'm thankful for deep dish pizza. I mean that New York style thin crust is total hogwash! That's not a pizza! That's like callin' a Steak'um a porterhouse for crying out loud! You can't inject cheese into that teenie tiny crust at all! What's that about?! No siree, for my money it doesn't get any better than a thick crusted, meat lovers pizza, with meat and cheese crammed into the crust. Deeeee-lish! Heck if I could get a crust so big, that a whole 'nother pizza could fit in it, I'd be a happy man.

DeAngelo Hall: I'm thankful that Dan Snyder has deep pockets and is a terrible judge of talent and character. I mean I thought the Raiders were whack. As long as you ever had talent, and can still wear a uniform, you can be a Redskin. Hear that Keyshawn?

Kurt Warner: Wow, well what am I not thankful for? I'm thankful for God, my loving family, nice friends, great job, wonderful teammates, my dog, three squares a day, my health, the desert, dry heat, all the charities I get to help with, muppets, sunsets, sunrises, the beach, animals, science and math, pixie stix, mozzarella stix, wrinkle free slacks, seedless grapes, Tom Hanks films, ice cream, Tony Shaloub, chicken salad, being able to choose between paper and plastic, the Harry Potter books, flowers, cool ranch Doritos, calcium, Luxembourg, and of course shirtless Gutenburg.

Matt Jones: I'm thankful for being a white male, professional football player, (sniff) aged 18-35. I mean if I was African-American (sniff) or in some other sport, (sniff) I'd probably be behind bars right now. (snort) Kinda makes ya think.

Tedy Bruschi:
Of course I'm thankful for the media, for making me into some sort of "hero". I mean, let's be honest here folks, I have mediocre talent at best. But thanks to the media, I am revered, going to Pro Bowls, getting my value meals Super-Sized for free. And that was before I had the stroke. More like a stroke of genius. It wasn't even that bad! I got the media eating out of the palm of my hands. Its great, I can do no wrong! Haha!

Shannon Sharpe: I'm thankful for CBS. You don't need full phrases. Don't need insight. Show up. Wear fancy suits. Spit some words. Chuckle with the honkies. Cash big checks. Eat lobster. Easy as pie. Blam.

Andy Reid: I'm thankful that somehow everyone still thinks I'm a good coach. It makes me feel safe at night. I mean I clearly have no idea how to manage a clock, personnel, play-calling, my family, my checking account, my wardrobe, and well, I could go on for hours. I don't even know all the NFL's "rules", for pete sake! Oh and lasagna. I'm thankful for lasagna too. And not that vegetarian crap. Nuh-uh. I'm talking with the big juicy chunks of ground beef in all 23 layers. That's right 23 layers! Its an old Reid family recipe.

Peyton Manning:
I have so much to be thankful for. Whether its all the stuff I can buy orall the places I can go with my Mastercard, or all the channels I can get with my DirectTV package, or being able to keep in touch with all my loved ones on my Sprint Phone.

JaMarcus Russell:
I am so thankful for the Raiders organization. I don't even have to be good at my job, to earn that big paycheck every week. I absolutely suck at my job, but am still making more money than probably any of you will ever see. And you know what the best part is? The Raiders have no other options!

Ben Roethlisberger: I'm thankful for milk and Chunky soup. Milk's a no-brainer. It does a body good, helps keep my bones strong and wards off those ostrichypooroses thingies. No one wants to end up as supper for an ostrichy rose, and drinking milk keeps them away. I've been drinking milk all my life, and I've never seen one. The proof is in the pudding. Pudding made with delicious milk. Sometime I'll have a glass of milk with a big ol' bowl of Chunky Soup. Makes for a nutritious and wholesome lunch and dinner. Sometimes I'll even have a grilled cheese on the side, cause cheese and bread come from milk, so its still good. I don't grill the cheese myself, since I'm no longer allowed near objects that produce heat and or fire, since the accident.

Marvin Lewis:
I'm thankful to still have a job. I lost interest quite some time ago, and am really just going through the motions. I don't even care anymore. As long as those checks keep coming in, I'm happy. Heck, I'm letting a guy named Ryan Fitzpatrick call most of the plays on offense, now. Sure, he went to Harvard, but come on!

Joey Porter:
I'm thankful that there is an endless supply of mamby-pamby, Charmin soft, big brain, know nothing, hypocratic, cupcake, panty waists in this league. I always have a supply of material to keep me jawin' all year round. Damn, I gots enough to last me well into the next decade. In fact, their's enough whinin', no good, trash talkin', lightweight fancy boys, for J-Peezy to berate for several more decades.

No comments:

Post a Comment