SUNDAY MORNING AUDIBLES

Well, tis that time of year folks!

• Time for the Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb out of Philly speculations to hit us full force!
• For the Eagles to slowly fade out of the playoff picture, due to all the McNabb-Reid foofarah.
  
• For the Lions to decide who's future they are going to ruin by drafting them come April.
• For Jim Haslett to try and spruce up the old resume.
• For a primadonna, let's call him Chad, on a losing team to voice his opinions about upper management and being tired of losing, wanting to play somewhere else, and in no way trying to improve the team by playing better or motivating teammates.
• For Browns fans to start checking out the Indians offseason activity.
• For people to start wondering why there aren't more Thanksgiving movies? Or really any about the actual first Thanksgiving? I'm seeing Mel Gibson as Miles Standish? Just use the Braveheart/ Patriot template, but have their victory be supper with the natives. Either that or an action packed romp that will a-maize you! Jason Statham is....The Pilgrim. With Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Massasoit! Coming Fall of 2010!
• For Steelers fans to annoy the crap out of you. Well that one's actually all year round.
• For all the pundits to start comparing teams this season to those of last season. You know like, the Jets are looking a lot like last year's Giants, the Colts are looking a lot like last year's Giants, any team that struggled at the start of the season but is winning now is looking a lot like last year's Giants, and the Rams are looking a lot like last year's, well, Rams.
• For people to wonder why Wayne Fontes isn't coaching in the NFL?
• Or why Rod Marinelli is?
• Or why Marvin Lewis is?
• Or why Herm Edwards is?
• For Al Davis to give his army of the undead a few weeks off. Just kidding! He would never give them time off! There are souls to be harvested!
  
• For people to get extra mad that there's a Thanksgiving game they can't watch, cause the powers that be don't deem it necessary for everyone to get the NFL Network. Goddamit it's every American's God given right to watch the Eagles and Cardinals play! I'm pretty sure its one of the Amendments to the Constitution.
• For the Bills to give their fans that small glimmer of hope and once again miss the playoffs. Sorry Bills fans, no disrespect meant, but its true. But let me tell you this, its not your fault......its not your fault.........its not your fault.
• For America to fall in love with Peyton Manning all over again.
  
• For Chiefs fans to wonder when exactly their favorite squad is gonna start rebuilding.
• For Romeo Crennel to wonder if anyone would mind if he took the last peice of pumpkin pie?
• For us to watch 8700 Christmas movies that we've already watched 8700 times!
  
• For many to question the freshness of all those leftovers in the fridge? Just go by Tom Cable's motto, "if it ain't comletely green its clean!" Yes I know a lot of people are gonna say what about those left over peas and green beans, well the Cable Guy stands by his motto. I mean seriously does he look like I guy who's ordering the "mixed greens" as a side at dinner? Uh-uh. You are looking at slaw (extra mayo, and we don't mean Jerod) or baked bean man right there!
• Bills fans, its not your fault.
  
• For the Patriots to figure out what to get Coach Belichick for Christmas. Drew Bledsoe's still beating heart is high on the list, but by far the most tricky. They may just go with the old standby of a hooded sweatshirt with frayed sleeves. What? You thought that's how Belichick wants to dress? No, no, no. Those sideline outfits are gifts from the boys. Usually its Tedy Bruschi heading up the charge, but sometimes Forehead, I mean Vrabel, helps out. Double B just wears them for his team. Like when your dad wears that ugly light-up tie you got him for Father's Day, even though he hates it. Yeah, so think about that, the next time you make fun of BBs attire.
  
  
  
• For people to really latch onto those bandwagons! Let's say Arizona and, I dunno, Tennessee? Miami?
  
• For everyone to be bombarded with the media's, "Greatness of Favre" segments. Oh wait, that's another all year rounder.
• For Terrell Owens to blow up! Unfortuantely I don't mean in a literal sense, sorry. I mean in the sense that crazy will come shootin' out his mouth at an alarming rate.
  
• For Kerry Collins to break out his very special Egg Nog. Rumor has it he uses actual lighter fluid.
• Bills fans, I mean it! It is not your fault.
  
• For NFL Films to start getting those clever titles and narration ready to encapsulate the seasons of all 31 teams. You're probably wondering about the 31, huh? Well, this is breaking news that only we here at "Bitterness" have, but the Lions have actually seceded from the NFL. Okay, that's not true, but they do suck something awful. Its gonna be hard to put a shine on the Detroit Lions '08-'09 season. Lions Yearbook: If Losing Were Winning, They'd Be Pretty Great! or Lions: Lose or Die Trying! I'm sure they'll come up with something great! Somehow I don't think "The Roar and More" is gonna cut it.
  
  
  
• For Christmas Berman, see what I did there, to go out and stock up on more ugly suit jackets on sale! Maybe he'll see Craig Sager?
• And of course, for everyone to wonder just how dominant the Panthers would be if they still had Rae Carruth?