THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

That's right! It's a Thursday night party, because all of my over exuberant chums are stopping by tonight! Are you ready for some football?



Well, too bad! If you're a Falcons fan. Zing!


SAINTS @ FALCONS (+8.5)- There are worse teams in the NFL, record and talent wise, for sure, but the Falcons had higher expectations than most of those other teams. They were a game away from the Super Bowl last year and now they're 2-8. This has comes as a disappointment to not only Falcons fans, but also the NFL Network who probably thought this one would be a battle for NFC South supremacy. Well, it's not. Saints are rolling along, but, well, I think I pretty much covered the plight of the Dirty Birds. If Falcons fans are looking for silver linings though, Atlanta is 2-3 at home, so there is that. Saints 23-20

T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y- NIGHT!

Well we're back! Apologies for the brief, unplanned hiatus, but due to some technical difficulties and a busy schedule I was unable to update good ol' "Bitterness". But here I am, so rock me like a hurricane! Well, that doesn'y really fit or makes sense, so hows about we get down to business, hmmm?

First off it is Movember and No Shave November! Both are raising money for worthy causes, let's face it those doing No Shave November are really just promoting their laziness. They are raising money by doing nothing, what a cop out! Again, good cause and I love a good beard, but I am a Movember man tried and true ( http://mobro.co/WillieMoe )!




Both are good, both are good. Anyways in honor of Movember, here is a Throwback Thursday Colt's "MO":


and a Tennesse Titan beard (not so much a throwback...for Bills fans' sake)





COLTS @ TITANS (+3)- Now, although I have not been making picks, I have been watching games and based on what I would have picked, I 'd have to say, I'd be doing pretty badly. As far as most teams go, I just have no clue. I mean the Colts were embarrassed by the Rams and the Titans lost to the Jaguars.

Okay, okay, I will grant you, the Rams are not that bad and are one of the many teams I have no idea what to expect from, but come on. The Colts are supposedly a contender in the AFC and they were housed at home by a team who probably won't even make the playoffs!



Now Titans fans may say, "well, we lost Jake Locker in the early stages of that game!" Sure, but how do I put this delicately? IT WAS STILL AGAINST ARGUABLY THE WORST TEAM IN THE NFL!



Needless to say, if you came up to me and asked me to answer right away which of these teams is better, I would say the Colts. Now that could be true, but I think we all know by now, that anything can happen on Thursday Night Football! I'm still going Colts, though. Colts 24-18

WEEK 8: BLOWOUT BONANZA?

Okay, "Blowout Bonanza" may be a bit hyperbolic, but looking at what happened in the Thursday Night debacle and at some of the spreads this week, we're not looking at a lot of barn burners.  

Courtesy of Deadspin.com

Five of the twelve remaining games this week have spreads of nine or higher and only and only three have spreads under six. Now, a seven point win is hardly a blowout and, of course, spreads don't necessarily indicate what will happen, but they are based on whatever information is available. All in all, it looks like your own team playing or fantasy football will be driving viewership this week.

NINERS VS. JAGUARS (+15) @ LONDON- The Niners are starting to get a little swagger back and the Jags are, well, bad. Jacksonville is 0-7, but it is hard to say they have even looked close to winning a game this season. They did have their shining moment, being right with Peyton Manning and the Broncos going into the half, but as Peyton Manning and the Broncos are want to do, they pulled away in the second half. The Jaguars have lost every game this season by ten or more points.In five of the seven games they have lost by 15 or more points and another game they lost by 14. So while a spread this large in the NFL is tough to bet on, there is really nothing pointing to the Jaguars covering. But hey, the Jaguars may be just darned awful, at least they get a free trip to London, right? Niners 37-9

COWBOYS @ LIONS (-3)- Is it just me or do the Cowboys always seem to underachieve? A dash of talent a teaspoon of hype and you get one Cowboy fizzle. I have never been much of a fan of Tony Romo, possibly because he is on the Cowboys? I mean, a mid-major football program QB in the NFL? Should be my bread and butter, right? Well, this dislike certainly wasn't helped by the fact I was saddled with Romo at QB last year in fantasy football. Romo has been the borderline definition of inconsistency. Am I sure I know what the Lions are this season? No. So oddly, I am going with the Cowboys. Cowboys 31-28

GIANTS @ EAGLES (-5.5)- Hey, whaddya know, the Giants won a game! The weird thing here is, if the Giants win this game and the Cowboys manage to lose, the G-men are two games out of first in their division and will be a game back of the Eagles with half a season to go. What?! Yes, that is how bad the NFC East has been this season.It's hard to say that a win over that semblance of football team from Minnesota on Monday night is any indication of the G-men righting the ship, but maybe, just maybe that's what they need to get going? Giants 24-21

BROWNS @ CHIEVES (-7.5)- The Chieves are 7-0. That's right folks, the Kansas City Chieves are the last undefeated team in the NFL this season. However you slice it, that is an accomplishment. Now years ago my buddy Billyball and I had a spirited conversation at one of our local watering holes regarding the subject of an early season record for a certain team at the time and what it actually meant. We have since, had a running inside joke that has been spawned from this conversation where our response to any team peppered with early season hype due to a fast start is simply, "But who have they played?". This is absolutely only funny to us, but the Chieves have recently reminded me of this. The very talented Joe Posnanski lays it out pretty well, here, but the basic premise is many are still doubting the goodness of KC. If the Broncos were still undefeated, we'd be hearing about them making a run at 16-0, but not with these Chieves. Through no fault of their own, the Chieves have not really played any tough opponents and in the NFL, there are no polls to determine the playoff teams, only wins and losses. Add to the fact that the remaining schedule, outside of two games against Denver, does not look overly taxing and we may not know how good the Chieves really are, until playoff time. Chieves 20-10

BILLS @ SAINTS (-11)- I am not going to downplay the Saints, but there is just something feisty and gritty about these Bills.Now Spiller may not play, but really he hasn't been playing much, all season, so I am not sure this will affect the Bills too much. Circle the wagons, folks! Saints 23-20

DOLPHINS @ PATRIOTS (-6.5)- There's something unsettling about the Patriots this year.I would say they are, arguably, the toughest pick against the spread. Until last week, they were rocking that Pats persona of back in '01 where they just find ways to win.They have not looked good this season, on offense anyways. The defense was looking strong, but losing your three best defensive starters can turn that around quickly. Phins are, I dunno, mediocre. This could be a close one, but for some reason, my guts says the Pats squeak one out at home. Patriots 24-20  

JETS @ BENGALS (-6)- The Bengals are very similar to the Chieves, I think. The Bengals are not being mentioned in the same vein as KC, but are similarly off to a good start. I just don't see a clutchiness to Andy Dalton but I feel, much like KC, they have a reliable defense and an offense that does not make glaring mistakes. Cincy has also only won one game my more than a score. They keep things close, but know how to win, I guess. Bengals 16-9

STEELERS @ RADIERS (+2.5)- Sometimes I completely forget about the Raiders. It's easy to do, really. Steelers 21-14

REDSKINS @ BRONCOS (-12)- The Redskins surprised me last week against the Bears. The Broncos, are not the Bears, but expect another shootout. Broncos 41-31

FALCONS @ CARDINALS (-2.5)- Battle of the Birds in 'Zona! okay, so maybe that wasn't deserving of exclamation, but what can I say, I needed to pep it up a bit. hey, look, I know the Falcons have had some big injuries on offense, but I still refuse to believe this team is as bad as their record and numbers show, thus far. Plus, Steven Jackson looks to play this week. Falcons 31-20

PACKERS @ VIKINGS (+9)- Even down most of his receivers, Aaron Rodgers should still be able to shred the Vikings, especially if they continue to let Josh Freeman throw at will. Did putting emphasis on the pass for Josh Freeman's sake on Monday not make sense to anyone else? I am all for letting a new QB get acclimated to a new system, but you still need to focus on giving your team the best shot at winning and if you have Adrian Petersen, he is your best shot at winning. If the argument is that Giants were winless and they could get away with that, well, that won't really fly. I mean, don't all coaches preach not underestimating an opponent? The converse argument could be that the Vikes are throwing in the towel on the season already, but if that's the case, why bother getting Freeman in the first place? Well, whatever is happening in Minnesota, doesn't look good right now. Packers 27-10

SEAHAWKS @ RAMS (+11)- There is a small part of me that feels like this is a typical trap game for the 'Hawks, but then again I thought that when the Rams hosted the Niners on a Thursday night and how'd that turn out? Seahawks 31-13

T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y NIGHT!

I don't think the title of this post really conveys what I am going for, unless I make it known that for full effect it should be sung by the Bay City Rollers. Really, if you're still lost, maybe this picture will help:




Wow, that was a brutal start to this post. Sorry about that. I think the weary tiredness that has encompassed me all day, may be effecting my brain. After all, I did just zone out and stare at that sweet picture for like three minutes. Although, that's probably more to do with me being a human being and less to do with me being a tired and weary human being. Sorry, sorry. I digress.




You see what happens when the I am writing on little, to no, sleep and the Thursday Night Football game features the Panthers and the Buccaneers? Now, to be fair, the Panthers are not completely unwatchable and, honestly, it will be hard to have a less titillating primetime game than what was broadcast to the nation on Monday Night. The best thing to come from that game is the new hottest seller in the Giants' gift shop...


...the Steve Weatherford cape!

PANTHERS @ BUCCANEERS (+6)- Well, Doug Martin is out, so the Bucs will have Mike and Mike leading the charge. Mike Glennon and Mike James. Yikes. Okay, okay, the thing is these guys have very little NFL experience, but in the world of the NFL anything can happen. However in the real and more accurate world, expectations are really low. I mean, they're not low enough to, say, save Greg Schiano's job or anything, but certainly low enough to have a "what do we have to lose?" philosophy. Well, for Schiano, a job, I suppose, but are you catching what I am throwing here? The point I am trying to make is, I am really tired.

Look, the Panthers are not great and the Buccaneers are, well, the Buccaneers. But hey, this is probably, arguably, the second greatest rivalry in AFC South history. If that doesn't put butts in the seats, what will?! An actual watchable football game? Yeah, okay, that would actually probably do it, I suppose. Really, can we expect that, here? Hmmm? Yeah, I think not. Game could be close, but that doesn't necessarily make it good. Well, I'll tell you what, I picked up Mike Tolbert on a fantasy team, looking for a TD, so Pmaybe I'll catch a quarter between pitches in the World Series, who knows? Panthers 24-9

Oh, hey, can't get enough of the "Bitterness" wit and sass? Try following me on Twitter, you'll get plenty! @WillieMoe

THE BUTT SHOVE HEARD 'ROUND NEW ENGLAND

A classier "Bitterness" blog post title, you may never find. Right?! Well, some day, down the road, the Patriots will play the Jets in the Meadowlands (MetLife Stadium, I guess), without a weird play/ call, indirectly involving a lineman's keester. Right?



Honestly, I am sure I am not in the minority hoping that is not any day soon. I mean who doesn't want more action involving bumping into linemen's backsides? It's okay, we're in the trust tree, you can admit your true feelings on the subject to me, even if you think you must hide this from your cohorts. Anyways, for those of you who missed the Jets-Patriots overtime, here is what happened:

The game was in overtime, which you probably figured out from the previous sentence, but I'm setting the scene here, so just go with it, will ya? The Patriots inconsistent offense already managed to not score on the opening possession which of course means all the Jets had to do was score some points, be it by touhdown, field goal or safety. So after a promising start to the Jets drive, they were stymied by the Pats defense just inside the 40, setting up a 56-yard field goal attempt for their kicker of lore, Nick Folk.

Folks' career long, according to my data is 56 yards, so conceivable under optimal conditions that he could drill home a game-winning field goal, here. Be that as it may, there are not a lot, if any, kickers you would have complete confidence in, in this situation. Al Del Greco, maybe. Point is, this is not a gimmie in any way, shape or form. Alright, you got the picture painted in your head? Good. So, continuing on. They're all lined up, ball is snapped, kick is up, and it is wide left. Patriots will take over with great field position for them to march into Stephen Gostkowski's field goal range and escape with the win, right? Wrong.

There is a flag on the play. Kicker was upright, so it was not roughing the kicker or anything in that realm. Did not appear to be a false start or offsides, so whatever could be the issue? Unsportsmanlike conduct. Unsportsmanlike conduct? I mean the players weren't hugging, singing "Kumbaya" or anything, but there was no indication of conduct that seemed in anyway unsportsmanlike. Enter the "Butt Shove" rule, otherwise known as NFL Rule 9.1.3 (b)(2). You see, Patriots rookie Chris Jones shoved the buttocks of teammate Will Svitek in order to propel (well propel may not be the most apt word) him into the Jets offensive line and you cannot do that according to the "Butt Shove" rule.



Unfamiliar with the rule? Well, here is what it says-

(b) When Team A presents a field-goal or Try Kick formation:
(2) Team B players cannot push teammates on the line of scrimmage into the offensive formation.

Interpreted and called correctly by the referee, Jets get a first down, move closer and Folk kicks a game winner from much closer.

A few things that interest me here (settle down Pats fans, your conspiracy theories are not amongst them). First off, is the fact this penalty exists. I am not insensitive to injuries, players getting hurt, etcetera, etcetera, and I fully understand the purpose of this rule being in the interest of protecting offensive lineman on kicks. However, are we going a bit far? Maybe (definitley) I am ignorant to the number of longsnappers that have been hurt because players used to be able to shove the butts of their offensive lineman all willy-nilly, but just seems like it was not that big of a problem. It's football people. Football. Not tiddlywinks. Nope, football.

Secondofly, are there any actual statistics that suggest this would actually decrease the chances of the kicker making the kick? I understand if you have a Varsity Blues scenario, where they clear the way for a Tweeter-esque player to come, more or less up the middle to block it, then sure, this would completely help you. (Yes, I am also aware that was a punt, not a field goal. Do not test my Varsity Blues knowledge!)



But there are not many special teams players in the NFL with Charlie Tweeter's skill set. Case in point, the fact that the Patriots have been doing this all season. How many kicks have they blocked? I wanna say none. Sure, it is tough to statistically say whether or not they have affected a kick, without blocking it, I suppose, but I would argue this has probably not aided in kick affecting, much. They have done this so often, that the Jets actually told officials to watch for this before Sunday's game started. So, this begs the question are the Jets the only ones aware of this rule? Or perhaps, are the Patriots the only ones breaking this rule? Could be both, but the fact is, it has not been called all season...on anyone.

It would be interesting, and by interesting I mean tedious and boring, to go through all kicks this season and see how many times it has been done. Clearly the refs were not eager to look for, or enforce, this penalty before Sunday. Perhaps the fact Rex Ryan and the Jets had earlier alerted the referees to the Patriots special teams chicanery, was what inspired him to send Folk out there to go for the win? I realize this was overtime, but 56 yards?! That's a long kick and if he missed, which for all intents and purposes he did, Patriots have great field position. I'm also curious as to whether or not the Pats did this on previous kicks in this game? The Jets certainly did.



So what made the referees all of sudden see this in overtime, on Sunday? We may never know (Rex Ryan shoves the $100 bills back in his pocket).

Seriously, the bottom line, is this was still no anti-Patriot conspiracy theory, nor can you fault the Patriots for giving it a whirl. It was the correct, somewhat obscure, call even though the Patriots and, most likely, other NFL teams have probably been shoving their linemen's butts throughout the season. As the saying goes, "It ain't cheatin', if you don't get caught." Well the Patriots got caught "cheatin'", if you will.* The Patriots did not really deserve to win that game anyways and should really learn by now that if (when?) they "cheat" they should not do it in the Meadowlands (Spygate anyone?) against the Jets.

*Cheating within the rules of the game that is. This is no more cheating than interfering with a receiver or roughing a passer, but I felt the quote really better hammered home the point.

WEEK SEVEN: THE TWEETEST THING

So, this week, gonna cater to the modern generation and low attention spans. Yep, that's right, for each game I will cover it all in 140 characters or less! Yes, you read correctly! 140 characters or less! Huzzah! I know what you want to ask, "Are you really doing this because you are lazy and or strapped for time?" Haha, okay. On with the show!

PATRIOTS @ JETS (+3.5)- Gronk'll play!!!! Well, he'll suit up & should play. Let's call him highly probable. Brady w/ fav target who can catch?! NE 24-13

CHARGERS @ JAGUARS (+7.5)- Could it happen? Could Jags cover a spread 2 weeks in a row? Well? I mean, they still haven't lost by less than 10, sooooo...SD 31-21

TEXANS @ CHIEVES (-6.5)- How'd Texans become so, well, to put it nicely, somewhat dismal? Dominated by Rams @ HOME?! Chieves are NOT the Rams. KC 23-17

BENGALS @ LIONS (-2.5)- Can anyone read the Bengals? Anyone? Anyone? Voodoo economics.lol. Lions r as as unreadable as works of Susan Sontag. am I right? CIN 21-17

BILLS @ DOLPHINS (-7.5)- Classic AFC East blood feud! I'll be donning by Bills Sam Cowart jersey Sun. Thad Lewis homecoming in Mia=trouble for Phins! BUF 21-20

BEARS @ REDSKINS (PK)- Must have missed where Skins sowed something that somehow doesn'y make 'em underdogs, here. #patheticpassdefense CHI 31-23

COWBOYS @ EAGLES (-3)- See Bears-Redskins, #patheticpassdefense. Not a believe in Dal, but they r best in NFC East for now. #skiniestkidatfatcamp DAL 35-28

RAMS @ PANTHERS (-7)- #notworthonehundredandfortycharacters CAR 24-21

BUCCANEERS @ FALCONS (-7)- The injury riddles vs. the not-as-much talent-riddled. ATL 21-10

NINERS @ TITANS (+3.5)- Jake Locker is back! Well, I can certainly sleep better. Niners scored 30+ in 3 straight & Locker won't help combat that. SF 34-21

BROWNS @ PACKERS (-10)- 1 thing hope does not do in Cle, is spring eternal. #WeedenTime And now a moment of sighing in Cle. Good. GB 27-16

RAVENS @ STEELERS (-2.5)- This'll be won in the trenches #slobberknocker I feel this should be played in a downpour. Mother Nature? Lil help? BAL 16-11

BRONCOS @ COLTS (+6.5)- A red hot Peyton Manning returning to Indy? Lookout folks! #homecomingshootout DEN 37-28

VIKINGS @ GIANTS (-3.5)- Primetime against a struggling Vikings team, at home? Say hello to win #1 for the G-Men. NYG 24-14

THURSDAY NIGHT, Y'ALL!

Before a large portion of my overly rambunctious chums venture to my domicile tonight, I'm gonna get serious. Seriously? Yes, seriously, serious. Not Yahoo Serious.



So, here we go. Earlier this week, yesterday if you want to get all specific here, I left work to board a very packed bus to head home for the evening. Like just about every human being on the planet, that is not a pickpocket or a pervert, I do not enjoy being on packed modes of public transportation. It's uncomfortable for one and secondofly if I don't get a seat, I cannot read a book or often times get to my phone for entertainment. It's just the worst and worsened (yes worsened from the worst) by the fact my stop is towards the end of the route. But back to the whole no book or phone access thing.

Now, I did have a friend to chat with for the beginning of the ride, but do to people getting on and off the bus and certain logistical difficulties, we were separated. I  know, it's a bus and I'm sure you would all expect me to still converse with a friend, over, around and through people and, rest assured, I have done this in the past, but not this time. This time, I was immediately drawn into some people watching or, more to the point, phone watching.

I was quickly drawn into the smartphone activity of the young lady in front of me. First it was run of the mill stuff. A quick scroll through the Facebook newsfeed,  click on a link to a delightful little Buzzfeed post, etcetera, etcetera. Then she clicked to a page with contacts and pulled up one that really caught my eye. Mike Bus Stop (Weird). It was listed as his home number. Now, I want to know the story. First thought is, it is a guy named Mike (not much of stretch, I feel) whom she met at a bus stop, maybe a bit weird, but also cute or possessing a certain quality? Enough so that numbers were exchanged, or he just gave her his, which, in today's society, may seem a bit weird. That has to be it, right? Or is it just a good friend who she decided needed a strange name in her phone? Or, maybe it was designed for people like me, knowing that I would be racking my brain wanting to know the story behind this, but would definitely not have the cajones to admit reading her phone and now wondering about the possible story behind this name. Now, I will never know. But wait, there's more!

The young lady proceeds to engage in a conversation of the text variety, over her phone. I didn't really hone in on the convo (sorry), but did catch one thing. I saw her type "LOL". No big deal, right? You see it all the time and don't even flinch. So what's the big deal? Well, I will tell you what the big deal is. This young lady did not laugh out loud. Not even a snicker. Not a giggle, not a shoulder jostle cause by trying to not burst out laughing on the bus. None of it. I mean, what is wrong with society?! Is "LOL" just something used to dismiss something supposedly funny? Does anyone use acronyms that are true to their situation at the time? Has LOL replaced the courteous yet, at times, ambiguous "haha"? I mean the "haha" is tough to read already, but now if LOL is losing all it's meaning and pomp, then what kind of world has this become? Even the "ha" is more firm, but the "haha" is like "clearly you think this is funny, so I am going to make it seem like I feel this way about your message so as to spare feelings".

I am at a loss, right now. Does anyone really know the reaction they are getting on the other end of a text message? An email? An instant message? A mailed letter? I don't think anyone does. I for one, picture the reaction in my head, when I receive the return message. This, has now been ruined for me by a young lady who just throws her reactionary acronyms out all willynilly, like they're candy on Halloween and her message recipients are costumed little trick-or-treaters! What an indictment of society on the whole. Sigh. Oh yeah, football.

SEAHAWKS 24-16

 

WEEK SIX: PICTURELESS

The Giants are 0-6. Can you believe that? Let me type it again...the Giants are 0-6. Now, take a minute to let that sink in...............alright, but now think about this- If the Eagles and Cowboys lose this week, the G-men are still only two games back. Are you getting the point here? The NFC East is bad.

RAIDERS @ CHIEVES (-8.5)- Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith, Alex Smith. Chieves 31-13

 EAGLES @ BUCCANEERS (+2.5)- Look, the Eagles are up and down. I don't know what to make of them. But come on Foles versus Glennon?! If you're not marking this as the game of the week, then, well, haha, you, well, you probably understand the NFL pretty well. Eagles 28-13

PACKERS @ RAVENS (+3)- Ray Rice looked a tad more like Ray Rice last week, but he has to gonna have to be full on Ray Rice this week if they hope to beat the Packers. Packers 24-14

LIONS @ BROWNS ( +2.5)- The Browns are riding high, right now. Three straight wins, tied for first in the AFC North, everything's coming up Browns. Okay, that sounds weird, and on more than one account. Let's move on. The thing is, the Lions, I think have a better offense than all three of those teams the Brownies beat, so this will be a test for Cleveland's D. I am not a believer in said "D", just yet. Let's see how they handle Detroit and then we can revisit the discussion. Lions 31-21 

PANTHERS @ VIKINGS (-2)- Cam Newton and company were handled, just handled, by the Cardinals defense last week, which to me makes this an intriguing matchup. I feel like this will be a fight to the finish, similar to the close one the Vikes played in London. Panthers 31-28
 
RAMS @ TEXANS(-7.5)- Don't you just feel like the Rams are gonna all of sudden start playing really well and pulling off some upsets? No? Well, at least not this week. Texans 31-17

STEELERS @ JETS (-1)- Hmm, here is an interesting one. The Jets are surprisingly better than awful and the Steelers have just been plain awful. I picked up the Jets defense for one of my fantasy football teams, which shows how much faith I have in the Steelers offense. However, how..ever, I just can't envision the Steelers going 0-5. Steelers 9-7 

BENGALS @ BILLS (+6.5)- It is the moment I know you have all been waiting for, the debut of Thad Lewis! I know, I know, I've never heard of him either. Super exciting, I guess? Bengals defense has been pretty good this season, so it could be tough for a new QB to jump on in and have success. On the other side of this, Bengals don't really have much to go on when facing Lewis. Nevertheless, I think everything favors Cincy. Bengals 24-10

TITANS @ SEAHAWKS (-13.5)- Okay, yeah, the Titans are gonna rely on Fitzmagic this week, but I still feel they deserve a little more respect from the spreadmakers up on high. Almost two touchdown underdogs. I am not going to go so far as to say they will beat the Seahawks, but I feel like they will give them a run for their money. Yes, I know I have been all about sticking with the Seahawks while they're hot and I did. Again, I am not saying they will lose, I'm just saying it won't be a blowout. Seahawks 21-16

JAGUARS @ BRONCOS (-27)- Wow, 27 point spread? You don't often see a spread this large in the NFL, but this is one that somehow seems like it could be covered. I don't have the official numbers in front of me, but I believe Peyton Manning is averaging approximately 700 yards and five touchdowns a game or something to that extent. The Jaguars don't have that much offense on the season...total. All of that being said, it is still tough to pick a team to cover such a monstrous spread. Especially with Henne Penny now at the quarterback spot for the Jags against that less than stellar Broncos pass D, right? Broncos 42-17

CARDINALS @ NINERS (-10.5)- The Niners seem to be clicking again and, while the Cards are feisty, I think they will fall just short of the road upset this week.The thing to watch closely is the running back job in 'Zona. "The Duke" Andre Ellington is not far from knocking Rashard Mendenhall right down the depth chart. Niners 24-20

SAINTS @ PATRIOTS (-2)- First Gronk would most assuredly be back for this game, then he is questionable, now he is borderline doubtful, by game time he may be perhapsable. Sorry, that's not a word. Perhapsible. Gronk could be the biggest factor in this game. Or rather whether or not he plays could be the biggest factor. The Patriots offense has yet to have any continuity this season and the Saints have a pretty good pass defense. Actually their defense in general is pretty good. Getting Gronk back would be huge for Tommy Brady, says Captain Obvious, but either way I think the Pats may still may be in trouble in this one. Saints 21-17

REDSKINS @ COWBOYS (-5.5)- The Redskins have not been good. Their only win came against a spotty Raiders team, albeit in the Black Hole, and that made them 1-3. Normally an 0-3 start would spell doom for a team in the NFL, but not for the Skins. They are a mere half game out of first place in the NFC East. Yup, no one in in the NFC East is even up to .500 on the season. So, hypothetically, even the winless Giants are still in the hunt. A win this week for Washington would be huge and would and next week would be the first game of the rest of their season! Yes, that is true, anyways, but you see what I am getting at here, can't you? Bad news is the 'Skins pass defense is one of the worst in the league this season and, oh yeah, Tony Romo threw for over 500 yards last week against a porous pass defense. Cowboys 35-21

COLTS @ CHARGERS (+1.5)- I am still not quite sure what to make of the Colts. They added Trent Richardson to help run Pep's power running game and I still wasn't sold. The win over Seattle last week, though, nudges me a bit in the right direction. I don't expect a defensive slugfest here and I still do not have faith in Philip Rivers. To me Rivers is the AFC's Jay Cutler. take that any way you would like. Colts 28-23

THURSDAY, THURSDAY, THURSDAY!

It's Thursday Night, y'all!




That's right, several of my overly rambunctious chums are coming to my house this evening! That was actually the original tag line for the Thursday Night Football theme song created from my mindhole, only they couldn't land Bocephus himself, Hank Williams, Jr., to put his voice to it, so they figured, what would even be the point? So they went the lame, obvious, route with a pretty feminina to blast out some lyrics that are, quite frankly, not as strong as mine.


I mean, I guess that'll work. But what are ya gonna do?

GIANTS @ BEARS (-7.5)- Can the Giants really be this bad? Is it possible? It can't be, right? It seems like every year they are mediocre, bordering on awful, to start the season when they make a late season run to make the playoffs. But the Giants are 0-5. 0 and freakin' 5! The last time the G-men were 0-5 to start a non-strike shortened season the year was 1979. I was one, ABBA was teaching the world how to love again and, and, in that year it also snowed for 30 minutes in the Sahara Desert. Probably where the saying, "it'll be a cold day in the Sahara Desert when the Giants go 0-5" came from. What's that? What saying, you ask? Well, I dunno, but there ought to be one. No? Alright.

Anyways, my point is, this is a historically bad start for the Giants. They are well on the way to covering the over on Eli Manning "Aw shucks" faces by a hefty margin and there appears to be no hope on the horizon for the G-men or their fans.




Even if they win out, they are 11-5, and winning 11 straight after losing five straight is certainly not common place in the NFL. The Giants may be bad, but there are worse teams in the NFL. Don't worry Jaguars, I am not going to name names, but the Giants have that going for them, which is nice. They won't go 0-16. They have to be able to win at some point this season. They just do, right? Sure they do! Just not tonight. Bears 31-20

WEEK 5: (INSERT SOMETHING WITTY AND FUNNY)

Seems I am slowly, but surely ( I know, don't call you Shirley), getting worse and worse picking games. What happens is I get a good batch of picks going and then I start overthinking things and pretend like I know blocking schemes, coverages, and other fancy football terms and what their impact on the final scores will be. So this week, I am getting back to basics, going with the gut, which has always worked for me throughout my life. Are you picking up my sarcasm, cause I am laying it on pretty thick. Anyways, welcome to the "Bitterness" weekly picks, now with less thinking!

CHIEVES @ TITANS (+3)- I don't think many people saw either team being exactly where they are right now, record wise. I think the Chieves are the real deal here. I am not saying they will win the Super Bowl or anything, but Alex Smith has been, for the most part, more than serviceable and no one has given up fewer point this season than KC. Special teams and defense can carry you a long way in this league and I just don't believe the Titans are as good as their record indicates. Chieves 23-10

RAVENS @ DOLPHINS (-3)- If you asked me, before the season started, to pick every game for the entire season, I would not have even hesitated to pick the Ravens in this one. Even with the new look defense and Joe Flacco at QB. Yep, still not buying Flacco as anything close to the top tier of NFL quarterbacks. In fact, let me take this moment to say how silly I think it is how much Super Bowl victories are used as the lithmus test of QBs. After a 2nd Super Bowl title every one was quick to vault Eli into the upper echelon of NFL QBs....and how's that looking? Hmm? People need to listen to me more...60% of the time I am right every time.

 
Wait, what were we talking about? Cologne? Oh, Ravens-Dolphins, right. So, another problem with the standings and records, etcetera, etcetera this early in the season, is we don't necessarily know how to judge games. Are the Ravens really this bad? Are the Dolphins really this good? I'd answer a resounding "no" on both. The thing with the Ravens is, every game depends on what Ray Rice will do (a TD would really help my fantasy team, Coach Harbaugh. So maybe, I dunno, some goal line carries for Ray?) and thus far double R has been unable to do much. I feel like (hope, for fantasy purposes) this is the week we say the double R of old. Ravens 17-13

JAGUARS @ RAMS (-11.5)- Generally speaking, most people stay away from spread this big and with good reason. They are hard to cover and anything can happen in the NFL, week to week. But the Jaguars have been playing atrociously in those nifty World League of American Football helmets they have been donning this season. That is actually insulting to WLAF helmets, they were not as bad as the monstrosities on the heads of Jags players.



Well, maybe it's toss up. I guess if you're gonna be atrocious, you should look atrocious doing it? That's an expression, right? 28-2, 19-9, 45-17, 37-3. Those are the scores to the Jaguars four losses this season. I know, we all thought the offensive unit was putting it together when they put up that whopping 17 points in week three, but last week's field goal sure ended that hype. There is the possibility the Jags only lose by ten, so it is a tough one, but I think the move is picking the Rams. Rams 37-6

PATRIOTS @ BENGALS (+1)- Austin Collie...signed. Championship. I mean, assuming the Pats can get good production out of him before the next concussion. Collie jersey, now on my wishlist. Bengals beat the Packers...then lost to the Browns, combined with having to cover the Austin Collie, now? The pick seems obvious, right? Bengals 23-17

SEAHAWKS @ COLTS (+3)- Both teams sort of had their ways with the Niners, so this is tough. The Hawks are still certainly a Super Bowl front runner and I feel like you have to keep thinking that until proven otherwise. Seahawks 27-17

LIONS @ PACKERS (-7)- A rested Aaron Rodgers and company? At Lambeau? Are you ready for Lambeau leaps a plenty? Packers 37-27

SAINTS @ BEARS (+1)- I know the Bears are at home, but kind of surprised this spread is so low. Maybe it's just because I still don't trust Jay Cutler to carry a team in big games? Whatever the case may be, I don't trust Jay Cutler to carry a team in big games. Saints 21-16

EAGLES @ GIANTS (-1.5)- This is not the NFC East of yore. Nope, no slobberknocker here, this should be a good ol' fashioned shootout! Impressive that an 0-4 team is favored against a team who has won, albeit not much. Giants fans have had little to cheer about this season, and it the same will hold true this week. The question is, how will they lose? My guess is closely, on a late special teams gaffe. Eagles 35-31

PANTHERS @ CARDINALS (+2)- I stared at this matchup for about two straight minutes and came to the conclusion that this may be the coveted game of the week that I care the least about. I may change my tune though, if turns out to be as enthralling as last week's 13-10 Cardinals win in Tampa! Panthers 16-9



BRONCOS @ DALLAS (+7.5)- The Broncos really seem unstoppable thus far, with no signs of slowing down. The Cowboys have Tony Romo. Broncos 31-14

TEXANS @ NINERS (-6)- If the Niners want people to believe in them, they may have to start beating good teams again. Doesn't that week one win over Green Bay seem so long ago? Niners 28-27

CHARGERS @ RAIDERS (+5)- Due to scheduling conflicts with the Athletics, this Oakland game will be pushed back to 8:35....Pacific time. So, now, I have a reason to not watch this game. They say this could be a good test of whether or not this could be an every week type of thing in the future. I, for one, am all for the Raiders playing all home games while I am asleep. Chargers 19-12

JETS @ FALCONS (-10)- The Jets finally showed me that they are who I thought they were.

A really bad NFL football team. Falcons 27-9

LIVE FROM CLEVELAND...IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT!

BILLS @ BROWNS (-3.5)- Well, Thursday night is upon us, once again! Tonight is the Hardscrabble Bowl as dubbed by, well, me. A game against two fine working-class cities, I think this most aptly defines these teams, fanbases and matchups. When these two team get together you can be sure that you will see some wildly epic, special teams play!

These two have a history of playing close, hard fought games.

2006- Browns win 20-17.

2007- Browns 8-0. Aptly dubbed the Snow Bowl, Browns won in blizzard-like conditions

2008- Browns 29-27. The Monday Nighter where "Captain Checkdown" Trent Edwards threw three picks in the Bills first four possessions.

2009- Browns 6-3. Not quite as exciting as the high score indicates, Browns won despite their QB Derek Anderson going 2-17 for 23 yards. You read that correctly, 2-17, for 23 yds.

2010- Bills 13-6. A big upset as the 2-10 Bills defeat the 5-7 Browns. Epic.

2012- Bills 24-24. Compared to most recent battles between these two teams this was a blowout! A two score victory, talk about a laugher!



So the Bills are on a roll, winning back to back battles, after dropping several straight to the Brownies, but can they keep it going? Well, The Bills may have one the last two Hardscrabble Bowls but the Browns are winning now, so...Browns 16-13

WEEK FOUR: LONDON CALLING

No, nothing to do with London Fletcher-Baker, it is time for the continuation of the NFL's foreign soil skirmish. Word on the street is there are two games in London this season, and while we would never think of sending the Brits a good game, this year they may actually get a good matchup. I said "may".

"Look kids, Big Ben.....Parliament."

VIKINGS VS. STEELERS (-2.5) (@ London....England)-  Big Ben versus Cassel? How appropriate for the Bruohaha in Britain, as it will be called when you tell the tales of this skirmish to your grandkids years down the road as you prepare to watch it on ESPN Classic VIII.. Will it it be a good game? I mean, maybe? At the very least this matchup does not appear to be too lopsided, so a close game can very well be expected. I mean the Steelers have looked pretty bad and the Vikings lost to the Browns. I might say, "no offense Browns fans", but come on, you know. It is hard to go against Big Ben, in London, right?! Steelers 21-18


RAVENS @ BILLS (+3)- The Bills just seem to build hope and then knock it all down like a Jenga tower when the bratty kid, mad he wasn't invited to play, rolls on by. I refuse to believe the Jets are good or that CJ Spiller forgot how to run or, at the very least, hold onto the football. CJ, you are killing my fantasy team, dude. Pick it up! I don't think I am alone in not knowing what to make of this season's Ravens. I mean I am not a fan of Flacco and think he is overrated, but that doesn't mean he can't win football games. Ray Rice should be back (he has been killing fantasy team #2) this week and, although they rolled without him last week, I think he will be a big factor and he is no Whatshisname Powell. Ravens 23-17

BENGALS @ BROWNS (+3.5)- Perfect trap game, here. Bengals are rolling and stunned the Green Bay Packers last week. However on the other side of that coin the Browns stunned everyone by winning, at Minnesota, with Brian Hoyer as their QB! Despite the current one game winning streak by the Brownies, on paper, using numbers and logic and whatnot, still gotta go with the Bengals in the Ohio Bowl. Bengals 23-14

COLTS @ JAGUARS (+8.5)- The Colts will now have Trent Richardson almost fully up to speed with the offensive plays and such, which vastly improves this Colts offense. Granted not sure they would need that upgrade to beat the Jaguars and the worst helmets in NFL history. Colts 28-7

SEAHAWKS @ TEXANS (+2)- For now, until someone proves otherwise, the 'Hawks are the NFC favorites and you gotta ride that wave like Swayze in Point Break. Seahawks 27-21
 
CARDINALS @ BUCCANEERS (-2.5)- All anyone can talk about on the one NFL show I was watching that was talking about it at the time, is Josh Freeman. Freeman thinks a trade is the best option and that may be so for both parties and I am sure the value for a guy who just got benched in favor of Mike Glennon is fairly high. I think we all thought that Glennon- Freeman thing was going to be Rodgers-Favre all over again, am I right?! Yeah, I had never heard of Glennon before this week either. Cardinals 30-9

BEARS @ LIONS (-3)- Pretty much a toss up. I don't trust Jay Cutler as far as I can throw him...and with my bad hip, I shouldn't be throwing anything. There's just something that just has me not fully on board with the Lions, though. I feel like the Bears "D" trumps the Lions "O". Bears 27-23

GIANTS @ CHIEFS (-4)- Considering how just utterly, totally, awful the G-Men looked last week, the Chiefs don't seem to be getting much love, here. Chiefs defense has been good, and the Giants managed no points against Carolina's defense, last week, soooo....On the road in what is known to be a tough venue for vistors, really cannot go and pick the Giants. Over/ under on the Eli "aw shucks" face is set fairly low right now, at seven. Chiefs 28-10

JETS @ TITANS (-3.5)- The Jets have been much better than I thought they would be.Sure, I still think they are awful, but weeks ago, I thought they were putrid, so they're moving up. Who knows, I may, at some point, upgrade them to questionable. Not this week though. Titans 21-16

COWBOYS @ CHARGERS (+2)- Romo verus Rivers?! I think it is safe to say we all had this matchup circled when this season's schedule was released, right?! No? Cowboys 24-21

REDSKINS @ RAIDERS (+3.5)- Terelle Pryor is sort of the poor man's RG III. Pryor was also concussed or something and may not play. Either way, I think this will be the 'Skins best defensive game of the season. Redskins 24-16

EAGLES @ BRONCOS (-11)- Everyone sort of jumped off that Chip Kelly/Eagles bandwagon like it was the Titanic after it lost that game of chicken to the iceberg. Broncos 31-21

PATRIOTS @ FALCONS (-2)- Not really sold on either team right now, but I have a hunch the Pats could be in trouble on Sunday night. Their defense appears good, but they have not exactly been defending against any offensive juggernauts. Falcons 27-17

DOLPHINS @ SAINTS (-6.5)- The Dolphins are 3-0. 3-0! What?! I am not sure how this is possible, but it happened, so let's just get over it and move on. Welcome to 3-1, Miami. Saints 23- 11

IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT Y'ALL!

Once again (weekly one might say) we have arrived at Thursday, so of course that means Friday is on deck and the weekend is in the hole and, oh yeah, there's a game of professional pigskin (mmmm, pigskin!) to be played! Yep, we got ourselves a rivalry as old as, I dunno, your dad or uncle, maybe?

Oh, it is an NFC West bruhaha of the highest (well, 2nd highest) caliber! Rams-Niners, Kaepernick-Bradford, Harbaugh-Fisher, Boldin-....well you get the gist of it. Both teams have lost two straight, so there's a good chance one losing streak ends tonight. Now, if that don't get you pumped then, well, I cannot help you, friend!

NINERS @ RAMS (+3.5) - Look, the Niners are reeling. With the Seahawks magic number to win the division now at 12, a distinct possibilty that the Niners could be 2.5 games back after tonight, and Colin Kaepernick trying to hone in on Joe Flacco's McDonald's Mighty Wings in a poor, poor nod to the Jordan-Bird Mickey D's commercials of yore, things are not all kittens and rainbows in the Bay Area. Is it time to panic? Yes, Niners fans, panic! Alex Smith is 3-0 without a turnover for crying out loud! Of course it's not time to panic, you nitwits! It's week three! Lose tonight, then we'll see.

The Rams are like the gimmicky, glitzy upstart pick of sorts, at least to the extent that people think they are loaded with talent and potential, but whom no one thinks is a playoff team just yet. I really have nothing to add to that. Niners 24-17.

WEEK THREE: UNDERDOG IS HERE

So as I looked at the lines for the upcoming week in the NFL, I noticed that I like a fari amount of underdogs this week.



By my count, I picked six, count 'em six, underdogs this week, to cover the spread. Whether I am correct or just delusional, well that remains to be seen. Thus far I have been doing a solid job, going 22-9-1 against the spread so far. This is somewhat unprecedented for the "Bitter One", and this could very well be the week that the good picks comes to a crashin hault. Guess time will tell?


CHARGERS @ TITANS (-3)- I just....I can't...I don't. This game does not interest me. Both teams have played the Texans. Chargers lost by less, ispo facto, Chargers win. Chargers 24-21

BROWNS @ VIKINGS (-5.5)- Ahhh, the Brownies. They hung in there last week against the Ravens, but they have only scored 16 points on the season. I don't envision the Browns offense, all of the sudden, lighting it up in week three. Vikings 23-9

BUCCANEERS @ PATRIOTS (-7)- At some point the Patriots will start blowing lesser teams out, right? Right?! I mean, it's the Patriots, for crying out loud! Tampa Bay's defense has been pretty good thus far and the Pats offense is struggling. I feel like, on paper, the Pats should struggle in this one, but part of me thinks the Pats could pull off the ol' lopsided victory this week, like the Pats of old. Ya know, last year's team. Patriots 23-10

TEXANS @ RAVENS (+2.5)- Ravens avoided falling to 0-2, but that could be due in large part to drawing the aforementioned Brownies, in week two. Ravens have not looked great and now Ray Rice is questionable, which makes the Ravens offense even more questionable. Texans 24-14

RAMS @ COWBOYS (-3.5)- Tony Romo is forever on my list (trust me you do not want to be there) after I was saddled with him as QB1 in fantasy football last season. I mean how does a QB play a full game and get zero points, for pete's sake?! That being said, Cowboys at home, against the Rammers? Cowboys 31-24

CARDINALS @ SAINTS (-7.5)- Saints are 2-0 which, sure, is fine, but where's the high-scoring offense we were promised? Is being hidden somewhere with my jetpack?  Arizona has allowed 48 points in two games and given up some big pass plays. I can feel it, this is the week we see an offensive explosion from the Saints. TBD on the jetpacks. Saints 38-31

LIONS @ REDSKINS (-1.5)- The Skins are not off to the greatest start in the world. To say the Skins defense has been awful, would be quite the understatement. Washington's pass defense has been a civ and this week they draw Megatron. Lions 35-31

PACKERS @ BENGALS (+2)- The Bengals defense is somewhere between the Niners and the Redskins, but leaning a bit more towards the Niners end of the spectrum. We're not looking at a shootout nor a slobberknocker here, folks. Packers 27-20

GIANTS @ PANTHERS (-1.5)- I will bash the Giants plenty as the season progresses, trust me, but are they really underdogs against the Panthers? The Carolina Panthers? The thing about the Giants is, they always find a way to build my hopes up that they are really, really awful. Then, out of nowhere, just when I start to believe that life is good, skipping on down the primrose path, little cartoon bluebirds perched upon my shoulder singing a delightful tune, the Giants rattle off like seven straight wins. That annoying habit of theirs will begin to manifest itself this week. Giants 21-10

FALCONS @ DOLPHINS (-2)- I realize this is in Miami and the Dolphins are 2-0 and Steven Jackson is out for the Falcons and the Falcons let the Rams right back into last week's game, but still, two point favorites? Against the Falcons? Really? The Dolphins beat the Colts and the Browns. The Browns, are, well, my mom said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your piehole shut!"(actually the Browns D has been fairly solid), and the Colts almost lost to the Raiders. The Raiders hardly looked dominant against the Jaguars. The Jaguars are more or less the consesus worst team in the NFL this season. It's simple math, kids. Falcons 21-17.

COLTS @ 49ERS (-10.5)- Andrew Luck returns to the Bay Area this week and as homecoming gift the Colts brass grabbed him a good running back. What's that? Luck already had Ahmad Bradshaw? Hahaha, good one! While it'll be tough to see the impact right away, since Richardson faces one of the toughest run defenses in all the land, down the road this should pay big dividends for Indy. 49ers 21-10

JAGUARS @ SEAHAWKS (-19.5)- Well, it only took about 112 game minutes into the season, but the Jaguars did it! They scored an offensive touchdown! Huzzah! Baby steps, Jaguars fans, baby steps. Seahawks 20-6

BILLS @ JETS (-2.5)- Am I the only one who believes in the Williams? Hmmm? I am serious, am I? EJ Manuel is coming into is own and CJ Spiller's best is still yet to come, in my mind. Don't be fooled folks, the Jets are really bad, I swear to Jon Kitna. Bills 17-14.

BEARS @ STEELERS (+2.5)- The Bears are undefeated through two weeks, while the Steelers are, well, defeated. It's glum times in the Steel City, for sure and any glimmer of hope could be eliminated this week. Bears 21-10

RAIDERS @ BRONCOS (-14.5)- The Broncos have scored over 40 points in both games this season and the Raiders are, well, the Raiders. As electrifying as Terrell Pryor may be, this one does not look to be an instant classic. Broncos 35-19

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: ANDY REID BOWL I

Andy Reid's triumphant-ish return to the City of Brotherly Love! Don't pay for the whole seat, cause all you'll need is the EDGE! Andy Reid returns to the city where he was the head coach for over a decade and well, Kansas City BBQ livin' certainly seems to agree with Coach Reid as the Chieves are off to a 2-0 start. Sure, one win was against Jacksonville, who is more or less playing the whipping boy of the NFL this season, but nevertheless, 2-0 is 2-0.

CHIEVES @ EAGLES (-3)- The Eagles have a high-flyin' (pun, unintended, believe it or not) offense and the Chieves seem to have a solid defense, so this sure is an intersting matchup. The verdict is still out on the other side of th ball for both teams, but I do like Alex Smith in KC. Smith was on his way to one of the best seasons of his career last year before getting injured.

Me thinks this one will actually come down to the running games, to keep the defenses honest. Will it be... 


or it will it be...


or perhaps, just maybe, will it be a boring game and become another night to watch...



Hmmm?

I think the Chieves keep this one close, but the Eagles hold on for the "W", Eagles 24-20.

WEEK TWO: BATTLE OF THE YEAR

Well, there's plenty of things to talk about from week one in the NFL. That is probably the most boring and cliche way to possibly start one of these posts.Sure, I wrote it and it it's not, not true, right? But, really after typing that, I realized, I could just start every NFL picks post with that same sentence, replacing the number. Are there going to be weeks when there is not a lot to talk about? Highly unlikely. So basically I just pointed out how lazy I am in starting this post. Two points for honesty, right? Now, this is not speaking, it is the written word, so rather than piling on with an explanation of how lazy and mundane my opening line was, I could have just deleted it and started anew. But, had I done that, you would have missed out on this delightful first paragraph. Now I am already concerned about how to start week three's post. In any event, there are plenty of things to talk about from week one.

There was that whole Kaepernick-Boldin thing in the Bay Area of California in that thrilling-ish Packers-Niners game. There was Peyton Manning throwing seven touchdown passes. There was Buffalo almost beating the Pats. There was the Jaguars scoring two total points early and somehow blowing that 2-0 lead (they really need to tighten up that bullpen). For those fantasy football playing folks, there was the notable absence of studly stats from the likes of CJ Spiller, Marshawn Lynch and Calvin Johnson to name a few. That's already a lot and there is plenty more. But the main thing I want to talk about from week one is Battle of the Year.

You read right, Battle of the Year. I saw a commercial for this "major" motion picture at some point during my viewing of many, many football games. Now this was not one of those commercials that was forced upon us during every waking commercial break or anything. In fact, I am not entirely sure it was on the same channel as an NFL game, but I am like 87% sure this commercial aired while football was happening somewhere. Anyways, back to the point. I saw a commercial for this "major" motion picture titled Battle of the Year. For those of you have not had the pleasure of seeing this commercial, let me catch you up.

Basically Battle of the Year is built in the mold of You Got Served and other dance team related films. From the quick blurb on IMDB:

"Battle of the Year attracts all the best teams from around the world, but the Americans haven't won in fifteen years. Dante enlists Blake to assemble a team of the best dancers and bring the Trophy back to America where it started."

So, right there you have all the makings of a great movie. Dance battlin', underdogs, and a sense of patriotism. I can say, almost for sure, there will be at least one "U-S-A" chant in the audience of the theater you view this in....assuming I am in said theater. To be fair, I get that chant started at most movie viewings, but we're getting off topic. I am not one who is a fan of dance battle films, or dancing in general, and I am not trying to sway you one way or the other on this one. There is only like a 2% chance I will actually ever see this movie. But the thing that caught my eye in the commercial for this "major" motion picture was not the silky smooth dance moves or the glitz and glamor of the competition as a whole. No, no, it was the quick glimpse I caught of Josh Holloway.

Yes the Josh Holloway. Most of you should know Josh Holloway better as the snarky (maybe not the best adjective, but it'll be sufficient) nickname issuing, con-man, Sawyer, from the hit ABC TV series LOST. If you have never watched LOST, you may want to just skip ahead to the picks below. Not because I am going to give away any spoilers or anything, but because this may not be relevant to the enjoyment of this post. Basically, Sawyer is the man.


Sawyer is possibly my favorite character from LOST (it's a very close race) and his character is just so darned manly! Holloway plays the aforementioned "Blake" in Battle of the Year, the man brought in to assemble the team that will bring the title back to the good ol' U.S. of A ("U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A"). Now, before the angry letters from all of my dance team members/coaches/ et al, that read "Bitterness" start pouring in, let me just say, that I am not saying (per se) that assembling, coaching dance battle teams is unmanly. I know it could be implied from the above, but that is not what I am getting at and is not the main reason why Sawyer's appearance in this movie disappoints me so.

Sawyer is an iconic character (in my mind) and not someone who would ever be remotely associated with the seedy underbelly of dance battlin'. Now, I know, it is just a character and Holloway certainly wants to show his range as a thespian but, and all do apologies to fans of the genre, I feel like a dance team movie is a big step down for Holloway. To me, dance battle movies are the equivalent of being sent down to the minors, for a somewhat established actor. Sure, Holloway's movie career is not chock full of high profile roles as is, but nevertheless, I don't think this will do to his career what Pulp Fiction did to John Travolta's. I am still pulling for you Josh, but I don't know about this one. Alright, how about some picks?

CHARGERS@ EAGLES (-7) Chip Kelly's offense looked high-flying and ready to go in week one....for at least a half. Hey Chip, may I call ya Chip? It's a marathon not a sprint. Well, baseball is more of a marathon. Okay, how about, "Hey Chip, may I call ya Chip? It's a 5K, not a sprint. Eagles 24-14

BROWNS @ RAVENS (-6.5) Jury is still out on this new fangled Ravens defense, but the good news is Brandon Weeden is not Peyton Manning. In fact, Brandon Weeden is not even the poor man's Peyton Manning. Ravens 21-9

TITANS @ TEXANS (-9) I have no idea how good or bad the Titans are but I feel like they could be feisty. While I say that and fully believe it, the Texans are much better. Plus JJ Watt was very serviceable as himself on FXX's (rant on that at some point this season, don't you worry) comedy The League, the past two weeks. What does that mean? Nothing really, but Watt will probably have the Locker combo, if you know what I mean. No? Oh, yeah that was not my best work, well see the Titan quarterback is Jake Locker and lockres often times have combination locks. JJ Watt is very good at defense, so he will "figure out" the combination to beating Locker. Yeah, it's a stretch, but, well, let's just move on.  Texans 23-16

DOLPHINS @ COLTS (-2.5) This rivalry from the olden days of the AFC East. The good old days where gas was like a $1 a gallon, you were rewinding your VHS cassette tapes without a care in the world. Ahhh, memories. Tough to say the Colts are good when they almost lost to the Raiders. The Raiders? Really? Raiders ran roughshod (surprisingly the first time this word has ever been used in this space) over the Colts. I don't know that the Dolphins will run on them that well, but this one should be tight.  Dolphins 13-12

PANTHERS @ WILLIAMS (+3) The Williams almost beat the Pats, and they are underdogs at home against Carolina? Now I will grant you, this is not the '07 Patriots they almost beat, but still...what has Carolina done for you lately? Bills 23-17

RAMS @ FALCONS (-6) Tough loss for the Falcons in week one, but that was against what is a pretty good Saints team (I think). I like the Rams enough, sure, but I just don't know about them in this one. Falcons 27-20

REDSKINS @ PACKERS (-7) Both teams are hungry for a victory after week one losses. Packers are at home and I am not sure if RG III is 100% yet. This feels like a trap game, but I am going with my gut, even though that has yet to actually work for me, well, ever. Packers 31-21

COWBOYS @ CHIEVES (-3) You know I really like the Chieves. I am not saying they're a playoff team, but I like their spunk and underdog ways. Alex Smith is probably going to throw for like 7000 yards (hyperbole alert!) this year. Now on the other end of this matchup, I generally loathe the Cowboys. That being said I think the Cowboys win, but it won't stop me from wearing my Elvis Grbac Chieves jersey on Sunday and pretending I am Elvis Grbac's cousin at random bars. Cowboys 26-21

 VIKINGS @ BEARS (-5.5) I am not sure I will ever be confident in Jay Cutler. Just saying. Bears 21-20

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+3) The Buccaneers lost to the Jets. The Jets! Sure, it was aided by a dumb penalty by the Buccaneers, but 1) the Jets were still in the game and C) Tampa Bay committed the stupid penalty. Good news is the Bucs will not lose due to a stupid penalty this week. No, no they will lose due to the many, many points the Saints will score on them. Saints 31-13

LIONS@ CARDINALS (+1.5) My upset special, which almost assures a Lions blowout. Watch out for Andre Roberts this week, though! I mean, Roberts is not dangerous (that I know of) to you specifically, but he could have another big week. Yes, I drafted him on a fantasy team and had him on my bench last week and am trying to will him to a big fantasy wee, what of it?!. Cardinals 31-30

JAGUARS @ RAIDERS (-5.5) A lot of people marked this on their calendar....to get the inside track on who will secure that number one draft pick come April. Bold prediction of the week: Jaguars offense scores their first points of the season! Raiders 15-6

BRONCOS @ GIANTS (+4.5) Man, I wish there was some sort of storyline I could talk up for this one. But alas, nothing is coming to mind. Broncos 31-21

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS (-3) An early battle between two teams in the upper echelon of the NFC West and well, the NFC in general, for that matter. The Seahawks beat Carolina 12-7. 12-7. That is not a typo, folks! Alright, you may say, "well, we don't know how good the Panthers are yet..." Fair point, I guess. But in a way, don't we know how good the Panthers are? Yeah, it just got deep.  49ers 24-21

STEELERS @ BENGALS (-7) All I am going to say is to heck with the Steelers! I went out and picked them last week in my survivor pool. For those unfamiliar with a survivor pool, this is where you pick a team each week to win their respective game. Once a team you pick loses, you are out of the pool. Thus, I am no longer in the pool. Now those rational people who like to you use reason and logic in their everyday lives (otherwise known as non-sports fans with a gambling problem) might say this is not in any way, shape or form, the fault of the Steelers. Well to those people, who I am sure read my blog by the tens, I would say, well, while that is fair, I would much rather go on using the Pittsburgh Steelers as a scapegoat for all of my poor life decisions, thank you very much. Bengals 17-9

Here's to football!

      

  

WEEK 2: THURSDAY NIGHT ARGLE BARGLE

Thursday Night Football still isn't quite ingrained in the old noggin', quite like Monday Night Football. I will say I was not an initial fan of Thursday Night Football, but I am starting to come around. Since Gil Grissom left CSI, I have had a bit of a void in my life on Thursday nights. Slowly I am coming to terms with the fact this is something of an event that I can partake of on Thursday night. I still have some

My biggest qualm is that it really crunches into the days of the week where I do not have to pay attention to my gambling fantasy football habit. So many things must be submitted, or what have you, by Thursday instead of Sunday morning. For those not up on first grade arithmetic or the days of the weeks, that's like four fewer days! Well, anyways, that's enough of that rant...for now.

Last week, I was able to pick the Thursday night game, thanks in part to Peyton Manning throwing a butt load of touchdown passes. Manning is currently on pace to throw 112 touchdowns on the season, which would be a record. This week, we get the blood feud that is Jets-Patriots...

JETS @ PATRIOTS (-11.5) - Well, I am sure when most fans think of this matchup, they think of, well....


Yep, the butt fumble heard 'round the world. This, of course, will be the play that will be the football moment forever associated with Mark Sanchez, unless he leads a team to a Super Bowl W.....sorry I had to stop for laughter. I couldn't even finish that sentence. Anyways...

Say what you will about the Jets this season (and believe me, I will) but they are currently tied with the Patriots for first in the AFC East. Sure, they needed a bone-headed play in week one to get there, but they're there!

The thing about week two predictions, and well early season predictions in general, is hard to know the reasons for things happening. What do I mean? I am so very glad you asked! So, for instance,it's hard to tell if the Patriots barely squeaked one out against Buffalo last week because they are far worse than expected or because the Williams are much better than expected. I am sort of "a little from column A, a little from column B" on that one, but it is just too early too tell.

Judging by the spread it seams like most people are still on board with the Patriots' "greatness" and the Jets' "not-so-greatness". I tend to agree or at the very least think the Jets are worse than Buffalo. Plus this is in New England, in prime time, and in a short week. Patriots 31-17

WEEK ONE: "JACKSONVILLE STILL HAS A TEAM?" "YEP, THEY HAVE UNIFORMS AND EVERYTHING!"

The season started already, but that Ravens-Broncos game was just an appetizer and it's time for the main course. A full slate of games and a lot of good looking matchups are on the docket for Sunday and Monday, and I, for one, cannot wait. How happy are who people who save hundreds of dollars by switching to Geico? As happy as me when week one finally gets underway! Alright, let's get to the good stuff!


NEW ENGLAND @ BUFFALO (+9.5)- There was a time, back in the day, when the Buffalo Williams served up a heaping helping of humble pie to Tom Brady and the Pats in a season opener. I am very much in the minority in actually believing there could be an actual upset here in week 1. My thinking is this, Brady has a lot of new receivers and while some are receiving rave reviews thus far, the Pats have a lot of wrinkles in the playbook that may be tricky to pickup. On the other side of the ball you got yourself the talented EJ Manuel. I mean he may not be the next Alex Van Pelt, sure, but he is pretty good. Manuel can scramble, plus the Pats' secondary is not exactly top notch, so they may have their hands full. My boldest prediction in what looks to be a pretty exciting week one, Bills 31-30

TENNESSEE @ PITTSBURGH (-7)- A few years ago this would be a prime matchup, but both teams have recently fallen a bit from grace. The once staunch Steelers offensive line, is like a bunch of swining gates these days, hindering the running game and leaving Big Ben to run for his life, way too often. This one is somewhat close to call but the Steelers have a better defense and Roethlisbeger trumps Locker nine times out of ten. Steelers 21-10  

ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS (-3)- This is a humdinger of an opener. The Saints and Falcons should be fighting it out for the NFC Central title all season. Stevie Jackson is an upgrade at RB for the Falcons, giving a team that was a game away from the Super Bowl last season, yet another offensive weapon. Saints were down a bit last year, but with Sean Payton back at the helm, the offense should be firing on all cylinders. This game is more or less a pick 'em, so I am thinking I will go with the home team. Saints 35-31

TAMPA BAY @ NEW YORK JETS (+3.5)- Ah, the Jets. They should be pretty atrocious this season and I will enjoy every last minute of it! Not even sure we have to say much more than that, right? Well, okay, I don't think the Buccos are exactly world beaters, but Geno Smith is facing them. Nothing against Geno, but the losing quarterback from last season's Pinstripe Bowl looked anything but good in the preseason. The fact he was named starter just shows you how much worse Mark Sanchez has looked. Now, some people are not the type to say I told you so. I, however, am not one of those people. I told the world, or at least several people, ages ago, that Dirty Sanchez was highly overrated. It was well before the "butt fumble", which might very well be the play that will forever be associated with Sanchez's life/career. Buccaneers 27-17

KANSAS CITY @ JACKSONVILLE (+4)- The good news for Jaguars fans (they exist right?) is this team will not be nearly as bad as last season's squad. The bad news is, the Jaguars will still not be very good. Blaine Gabbert is one of the least efficient passers in the NFL and despite having a receiver named Cecil Shorts, the jags will still struggle mightily. The Chieves, on the other hand, will be much better than last season and fairly decent. Alex Smith got the old Drew Bledsoe treatment, losing his starting job while he was injured. Smith was on his way to his best NFL season when he was injured and now he is teamed up with Andy Reid. Say what you will about Reid, you know like he is a terrible game manager, looks like Garfield, whatever you want, but he puts together good offenses. The Chieves are a borderline playoff team in my mind, and I think it will be a big day for Jamal Charles and Alex Smith. Chieves 42-13

CINCINNATI @ CHICAGO (-3)- I like the idea of Marc Trestman as a head coach, but not sure how it will go for him. Trestman is supposedly some sort of quarterback whisperer which still may not be enough to help Jay Cutler. The Bengals are pretty good, but not great. I am just not sold on them taking the next step. This should be a good game, but I think the Bears will pull it out at Soldier Field with a big day from Matt Forte. Bears 27-21

MIAMI @ CLEVELAND (-1.5)- The Dolphins added Mike Wallace as a deep threat, but there are still a lot of question marks surrounding this year's squad. There's almost as many questions marks surrounding the Dolphins as there are surrounding Brandon Weeden. Weeden may never be the answer, but the Browns offensive should be much improved. Neither team should be in the playoff hunt but, as of now everyone is even in the standings. Brownies 14-10

SEATTLE @ CAROLINA (+3.5)- This should not even require thinking. The Seahawks have a very good defense and a pretty good offense. The Panthers have, well, um Cam Newton and a lot of holes.Newton can be dominant, that's for sure, but he still makes bad decisions and has not shown he can carry a team on his back. Seahawks 35-7

MINNESOTA @ DETROIT (-4)- Lions had a disappointing season last year coming off a playoff season. so the big question is, which Lions team will show up this year? I think Matthew Stafford is gonna have himself a big ol' year and the addition of Reggis Bush makes the Lions "O" even more formidable. The Vikings could be this season's Lions. Despite having the best running back (player?) in the league, there is still the quarterback position, among other things, to "ponder" (see what I did there?). Vikes "D" will get knocked around a bit here, but AP should keep the Vikings in the game.Lions 24-17

OAKLAND @ INDIANAPOLIS (-10)- While I am not thinking the Colts will necessarily repeat last season's success, the Raiders should be all sorts of bad. Colts 44-6

ARIZONA @ ST. LOUIS (-4.5)- The Cards added Carson Palmer, which should be a big help for their offense and most of all, for Larry Fitz. Fitzy had a down season last year and although Carson Palmer is not the Carson Palmer of old, he is certainly an upgrade from what the Cards trotted out there last season. The Rams should be feisty as well and this could be a big match-up in the battle for third place in the NFC West. Rams 20-17

GREEN BAY @ SAN FRANCISCO (-4.5)- One of the bigger games of this opening weekend, this looks to be a dandy little skirmish. Let me take this moment to say I am not on the Colin Kaepernick bandwagon. Yeah, he got the Niners to the Super Bowl, but I am still not sold. Now that the league has had time to prepare, let's see what he can do, that's what I'm saying.Packers 35-31

NEW YORK GIANTS @ DALLAS (-3.5)- While I don't tend to care much about either of these teams, this will probably be a close (I was very careful to not use the word "good") game. Seems like the road teams have been winning the 1st matchup of the season between these two NFC East rivals. However I don't think it'll happen this time around. Cowboys 28-23

PHILADELPHIA @ WASHINGTON (-3.5)- Redskins start their NFC East title defense at home against the Iggles. Vick vs. RG III. That's what everyone will be tuning in for, right? This one does not figure to be a good old-fashioned slobberknocker. Look for a shootout, my friends. Eagles 38-35

HOUSTON @ SAN DIEGO (+4)- The token, second Monday Night Football game that most on the east coast don't even watch because of work on Tuesday and most of the rest of the world doesn't watch because it's a terrible matchup on paper. Chargers are on the downslide and the Texans have been sliding in the opposite direction. That being said, this is actually one of the better looking matchups...as far as the back half of the opening Monday Night doubleheaders goes.That being said, I think the Texans pull away handily in the end. Texans 28-17.