WEEK 14: OF MICE AND MEN-ORAH?

Holy crap! Would you look at that it's Week Fourteen already! Where in the sam hill as the year gone?! Alright well on to the picks and since it's Chanukah, we're gonna honor the "festival of lights".


PANTHERS (5-7) @ JAGUARS (8-4): The Panthers are still right in the playoff hunt, but having Christian Fauria on your team during the "festival of lights" may not be the way to go? But the fact of the matter is the Jags defense is as ironclad as the Talmud right now and that's something you cannot just pass over. I'd give the Panthers a slightly better chance of course if they still had Jake Shalomme at QB. Jags 21-13.

COWBOYS (10-1) @ LIONS (6-6): When Kitna said the Lions would win 10 games this year everyone scoffed. It was about is unthinkable as I dunno the macabees only having enough power for one day of candlelight, but yet getting eight nights out of it? Unfortunately for Kitna's prophecy to come true, they have to win out and that'll be no easy task, cause the Cowboys are just much better. Cowboys 31-21.

DOLPHINS (0-12) @ BILLS (6-6): The Bills still have a slim chance at making the playoffs, but lucky for them the Dolphins are just plain awful. And the Bills should be able to take them down like Hebrews taking down a plate of latkes. All they must do now is choose applesauce or sour cream to go with it. And if I know Hassi-dick Jauron he'll have his "D" ready. Bills 20-10.

GIANTS (8-4) @ EAGLES (5-7): If the Eagles wanna make the 'Offs, they're gonna need this one, and well, probably all of them for that matter. The last time these two met, the Giants sacked them like 27 times or something like that, and that just ain't gonna cut it. They are really gonna have to shut down Osi U-menorah if they want to win this one. Giants 27-24

RAIDERS(4-8) @ PACKERS (10-1): The Raiders are not mathematically eliminated from a playoff berth, so they got that going for them which is nice. But a loss this week should just about seal their fate, which serves them right! Raiders? Why they're no better than Antiochus trying to hold down the Macabees! And with Kabeer Kaballah-Bjamila, how can the Pack lose? Plus eating dairy food, especially cheese, has long been a minor custom during Hanukkah. Packers 21-11.

CHARGERS (7-5) @ TITANS (7-5): This should be a clash of titans. Well, a clash of Titans and Chargers anyways. Well it's simple, this game comes down to LT, aka "Hooch". The Titans stop him and they have a shot, but if LT gets going like a Maccabean revolt, lookout! Titans 17-13.

RAMS (3-9) @ BENGALS (4-8): The Rams are starting Brock Berlin in this one. Brock Berlin? Berlin? How can you start a guy with the last name Berlin during one of the holiest Jewish times of the year? C'mon! Bengals 31-17.

TEXANS (5-7) @ BUCCANEERS (8-4): I'm making this my upset special of the week! Call it a hunch, but I think the Texans have the chutzpah to pull this one off. I'd wager most of my gelt on it! Texans 28-24.

CARDINALS (6-6) @ SEAHAWKS (8-4): The Cardinals hopes of an NFC West division title more or less rest on this game. They have to spin the dreidel and hope it comes up gimel, am I right?! Cards 35-31.

VIKINGS (6-6) @ 49ERS (3-9): Adrian Petersen should have a field day against the Niners. And if he doesn't, well it shouldn't matter much cause it's not like the Niners are gonna score points or anything. I've seen more scoring at Orthodox temples, for Moses' sake! Vikes 21-6.

BROWNS (7-5) @ JETS (3-9): The Browns could make the playoffs! I know it seems like I'm speaking Yiddish right? But it's true, the Browns are in the hunt right now! But the Jets are feisty and at least slightly better than their record indicates. In the battle of the former Patriots' coaches I'm taking the Browns 24-23.

CHIEFS (4-8) @ BRONCOS (5-7): For a hot second it looked like the Chiefs would be playoff contenders. Well that's over. And now with Priest Holmes done, I can't even put in my, "He's gonna be Rabbi Holmes for this one" joke. Oh wait, I guess I just did, sort of. Broncos 23-17.

STEELERS (9-3) @ PATRIOTS (12-0): Former Syracuse standout Anthony Smith has guaranteed a win. Pretty bold, and stupid, statement. And that's not just because I think the 'Burgh won't win, although I do, but because guaranteeing victory is dumb in general. Especially since the Steelers 3 losses have all been on the road to teams that are not nearly as good as the Pats. But who knows, maybe the Pats will offer them a mitzvah and tank the game for them. Not likely though. Patriots 28-23.

COLTS (10-2) @ RAVENS (4-8): Even with a depleted receiving corps, the Colts should be able to take the Ravens. This'll be the classic game where everyone thinks the Ravens are gonna be tough down the stretch cause they almost beat the Pats, but they come out and get whooped by the Colts. Oy vay! Don't fall into the trap, Colts nosh on the Ravens 17-6.

SAINTS (5-7) @ FALCONS (3-9): Remember back, last winter, when the schedule came out and this looked worthy of a Monday Night game? Now, no Vick, no Bush, no winning teams and the boys over at ESPN in charge of picking the MNF games are looking a bit meshuggeneh. But I guess that's why it's not called ESP. Saints 31-16.

And now your cheese:
Mahzeltov!

WEEK 13: HEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! KITNA THAT IS.

Okay, well, week thirteen is upon us, and sure, I didn't make a pick for the Packers-Cowboys game, but if it's on the NFL Network does it really count? It does? Bah! Any game that I have to travel to seven bars and over three towns to find shouldn't count. That's what I says anyways. Well, if you are scoring at home I would've picked the Packers, so there! Ya happy? Anyways, we've gotta a lot on our plates right now. There's half a cheesesteak, chips...no just kidding, I met our metaphoric plate, which is not covered with anything nearly as delicious. So this week we're gonna cut down on the words, but hopefully not the entertainment value. So since this is the time of year, when Oscar "buzz" is all around, so we're gonna go with a movie themed week thirteen picks, inserting some classic movie quotes to get the job done. Enjoy:

FALCONS @ RAMS: "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn!" Well it's true. Rams 24-17.

BILLS @ REDSKINS: "I coulda been a contenda" Could go for either squad. Not to say they're both outta the playoff picture, but they can ill afford a loss this week. Bills 17-13.

LIONS @ VIKINGS: "Yo, Adriaaaaaaaaan!" Uh, Petersen that is. He's back in the lineup, which is bad news for Kitna and the Lions. Vikes 28-27.

TEXANS @ TITANS: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time." If only VY was that consistent. Texans 12-9.

JAGUARS @ COLTS: "You'll get nothing and like it!" If only it were that easy Jags. Colts 13-10.

JETS @ DOLPHINS: "Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell." Nothing to do with Sunday's game, just pretinent anyday I feel. Jets 21-14.

CHARGERS @ CHIEFS: "You're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!" Well I don't think the Chiefs will be eating up the Bolts, but Herm Edwards should be crappin' something after the game. Chargers 31-17.

SEAHAWKS @ EAGLES: "I had a rough night and I hate the f**kin Eagles man!" I don't personally have anything against the Eagles, I just thought there should be a Big Lebowski quote in here somewhere. Eagles 24-20.

49ERS @ PANTHERS: "U-G-L-Y. You ain'y got no alibi! You ugly! You ugly! Yo momma said your oogly!" I think that about sums up the Niners offense and probably this matchup. Panthers 13-9.

BUCCANEERS @ SAINTS: "The price is wrong, bitch!" Saints 27-17.

BROWNS @ CARDINALS: "Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!" I mean Browns and Cards playing a somewhat meaningful game in December? Wow. Browns 30-24.

BRONCOS @ RAIDERS: "I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes!" Broncos 24-20.

GIANTS @ BEARS:"It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!" Giants 21-10.

BENGALS @ STEELERS:" Fasten your seatbelts it's gonna be a bumpy night." Steelers 28-17.

PATRIOTS @ RAVENS: "Yeah crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does!" Well they're half right. Pats 37-9.

WEEK 12: GIVING THANKS FOR KITNA-PART 2

It's been a busy weekend of giving thanks, drinking, eating and having some laughs, so today we're gonna see what some NFL teams are thankful for.

BRONCOS @ BEARS: The Broncos are thankful that no one in the AFC West seems all that good, giving their mediocre squad a fighting chance. While the Bears are thankful for Devin Hester, pretty much the most consistent thing they have goin'. Broncos 17-13.

TITANS @ BENGALS: The Titans are thankful for playing the Bengals, maybe providing their offense with some confidence. Meanwhile the Bengals are thankful for the Dolphins, for being so downright inept, that the Bengals ineptitude is slightly overshadowed. Titans 21-13.

BILLS @ JAGUARS: The Bills are thankful for wings. Yes wings! I know I'm thankful they exist, but they get to be where wings started for like half the year. The Jaguars remain thankful they cut Byron Leftwich loose. Sure time's still gonna tell on that one, but so far so good. Bills 7-6.

RAIDERS @ CHIEFS: Oakland has to be thankful for Shane Lechler. That's right their punter. Really there's not much else. Chiefs are thankful for the Chargers disappointing season, leaving them right in the thick of the AFC West hunt. Raiders 10-6.

TEXANS @ BROWNS: The Texans are thankful they are no longer a laughing stock, and are actually headed in the right direction. I think we all know what the Browns are thankful for, am I right? And no it's not Jamal Lewis. Yes, seems obvious, but the Browns have to be thankful for Derek Anderson, who could be the next "poor man's" Bernie Kosar. Browns 28-21.

SEAHAWKS @ RAMS: The 'Hawks are thankful for Maurice Morris? Mo-Mo has filled in admirably for Shaun Alexander, who has been, well, not good. The Rams are thankful for winning game. I'm not gonna lie it looked a bit dicey at times, but the Rammers actually showed some signs of life. Rams 22-19.

VIKINGS @ GIANTS: The Vikings are thankful for Adrian Petersen, duh? They are not,however, as thankful for his injury. The Giants are thankful for a very weak schedule that enables them to fool the media into thinking they are good. Giants 21-13.

SAINTS @ PANTHERS: The Saints are thankful for, um, their health? After Deuce, that is. The Panthers are thankful for the resurgence of Vinny Testaverde, who at age 64 has been a solid addition to this team. Saints 27-17.

REDSKINS @ BUCCANEERS: The 'Skins are thankful the politically correct world has not made them change their highly offensive to native Americans nickname. While the Bucs are thankful for their legitimate shot at the playoffs. 'Skins 24-20.

49ERS @ CARDINALS: The Niners are thankful for their dapper head coach, while the Cards are thankful to be over .500. Cards 24-9

RAVENS @ CHARGERS: The Ravens are thankful they have an offensive genius at the helm, making their offense something to be reckoned with. Meanwhile the Chargers are giving thanks for being able to have such a disappointing first half and still be in a very, very good position to make the 'offs. Bolts 21-3.

EAGLES @ PATRIOTS: The Eagles are thankful they play in the most peaceful, fun-loving and generally forgiving sports city in the whole wide world. The Patriots are thankful for technological advances that allow them to take cheating to a whole new level. Pats 56-17.

DOLPHINS @ STEELERS: The Dolphins are thankful they only have six weeks left. The Steelers on the other hand, are thankful for all 57 varieties Heinz has to offer. Steelers 27-13.

WEEK 12: GIVING THANKS FOR KITNA

Just gonna throw out the Turkey Day picks, with the rest to come in a couple days:

PACKERS @ LIONS: It's starting to look like the Lions may not be for real, but with Kitna in your corner anything can happen. Anything! But honestly I feel like the Packers are just bin a zone right now, and will prevail. They won't knock the stuffing out of the Lions, but should win by a score or two. Let's call it 28-20.

JETS @ COWBOYS: The Jets have not been as bad as their record indicates. Plus, you know Eric Mangini's gonna be mad that he can't have his turkey dinner with all the trimmings til late Thursday night, if that. He will use that anger in turn into pure, unadulterated motivation. He'll say something like, "Let's go out there and mash those Cowboys, like mama Mangini mashes her homemade potatoes! We're gonna candy their yams!" In my upset special, Jets win it 28-27.

COLTS @ FALCONS: This is hardly the dessert to a triple header of delicious Thanksgiving feast of football. It's more like the dish that no one, but like one person, likes and it just sits there on the table untouched as the potatoes and stuffing slowly disappear. Let's call it the waldorf salad of today's games. Colts 21-12.

Have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy your turkey, or tofurkey, if your a vegetarian or a vegan.

WEEK ELEVEN: HOW KITNA MET YOUR MOTHER

CHARGERS @ JAGUARS- The Jaguars will need to try and run all over that vaunted Chargers defense, Adrian Petersen style, if they want to be in this game, especially if David Garrard is not at QB. Hey nothing against QG personally, it's just they just can't win with the game in his hands against a hungry Chargers team. Chargers 28-17.

CHIEFS @ COLTS-Well Peyton Manning will get Dallas Clark back, but Marvin Harrison is still questionable. So that's leave Manning with three wide receivers to play with. That's not so good Al. Now granted they have lost there last two games, but not by much and to two fairly good squads. The Chiefs are like an omelet, with enigma ingredients and the egg being a riddle. Plus, you've got the beginning of the Brodie Croyle era in KC. The Colts will win, but covering the spread? I think not. Colts 21-17.

RAIDERS @ VIKINGS- No Adrian Petersen means no offense for the Vikes. It does mean more carries for Amp Lee though I think. The Raiders best offensive player is Shane "Hannibal" Lechler. Yes, their punter. He has put aside his feuds with several Raiders coaches and is kicking the bahjeezus out of the ball. Now I am no fan of JaMarcus Russell and his money grubbing ways, but if you're gonna pay him, why not play him? Are the silver and black afraid he'll mess up their 2-7 season? I'm going with the Raiders because Duante Culpepper will have something to prove, if he plays. Raiders 17-14.

BROWNS @ RAVENS- The Browns very well could have and should have beat the Steelers last week, but they didn't, so it's time to put it behind them and dominate the Ravens. Hey Ray-Lew what happened to that defense of yours? The Ravens have only held two, count 'em two, teams under 20 points this year, and one was the 49ers, who are barely averaging double digits a game. They do have one thing going for them this week, with Steve McNair sidelined. Yep, it's the Kyle Boller-drome show. So, needless to say I'm taking the Brownies, and then I'm gonna drink some milk and pick the Browns 24-10.

BUCCANEERS @ FALCONS- Gotta love the NFC South, where every team has a chance to win the division. A Falcons win and they move to a game back in the division, for cryin' out loud! The Bucs looked like they were the feel good story of the year early on, but have lost two out of three, and are starting to hear footsteps behind them as the Saints, Panthers, and yes even the Falcons, are all of sudden breathing down their necks. Jeff Garcia and the Bucs are rested off the bye week, add to that Byron Leftwich's questionability due to injury and Joseph Harrington's questionablility due to talent and I gotta go with the Bucs 20-15.

CARDINALS @ BENGALS- The Cardinals are one of, well, all but like three teams, in the hunt for a playoff spot in the NFC, and their offense should be in for a good day against the Bengals. Because, well, why wouldn't they be? The Bengals have only held their opponent under 24 points twice. And to be fair, it was the Ravens both times. Look for a shootout, won by the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal 37-31.

DOLPHINS @ EAGLES- The Eagles look terrible, then they look like they're turning it around, then back to terrible, then they look solid. Pick a direction and go with it for pete's sake! The Eagles have not won back-to-back games this year, and no team in NFL history has ever made the playoffs without winning two games in a row during the regular season. Okay, that may not be true, but it sounds like it could be, right? Well, all the Eagles have to do is beat the Dolphins and they will have back-to-back wins for the first time this year, and then they head to Foxboro for a shot at three in a row. Well, let's take it a week at a time. Eagles 42-17.

SAINTS @ TEXANS- The Saints were the disappointment of the league through five weeks, but then out of nowhere they rattled off a four game winning streak and everyone was like, "Uh-oh here come the Saints!" Then they lose to the Rams. The Rams? Yes the Rams. The same Rams that went into that game winless. Now we don't know what to think, except that the Saints will be in the playoff hunt, because they're in the NFC South where it's anybody's game. The Texans were on the other end of the spectrum. A early season feel good story, that in the blink of an eye went horribly awry, with a three game losing streak. Unlike the Saints though, the Texans probably can't afford to lose this one if they want to stay in the playoff hunt. That won't help them win, I'm just saying. Saints 31-27.

PANTHERS @ PACKERS- Big game for the Panthers as they try and stay in the thick of the NFC playoff hunt, which of course just means having a team in the NFC. Meanwhile Packers fans are already lining up for playoff tickets. Just kidding, but they're not "Favre" off. You see what I did there? Packers 23-10.

LIONS @ GIANTS- This could be the highlight of the early games today. Both teams jockeying for playoff position. Everyone is all about the resurgence of the Giants, but I'm sticking to my, "Look who they've played" argument. The Giants six wins are against Washington (5-4), Philly (4-5), Jets (1-8), Atlanta (3-6), San Fran (2-7), and Miami (0-9). Are we supposed to be impressed? I'm not faulting the Giants, they have no say over their schedule, but why are the so-called "NFL experts" so high on them like they've done something impressive? Time for Kitna to take 'em down a peg. Lions 21-16.


STEELERS @ JETS- Ben Roethlisberger may have just been being held back by Bill "The Chin" Cowher. It's either that he is thriving on playing the dregs of the NFL. The Steelers have only had three games against teams over .500, three! And let's face it, first time around against the Browns barely counts, since it was the first game of the season, and Charlie "Seasoned" Frye was the QB. And while Seattle is over .500, it's mostly due to the fact that someone has to win those NFC West games. For all we know the Steelers could be the best team in football right now, but until they play an upper echelon team, like say, I dunno, the Patriots in Week 14, we can't be sure of their actual ability. None of that really matters this week though cause they're playing the Jets. Steelers 38-12.

REDSKINS @ COWBOYS- I'd make this my upset special of the week if I had absolutely any confidence in the Redskins, which I don't. So instead I foresee the Cowboys pushing their magic number for the NFC East title to 3. Cowboys 35-20.

RAMS @ NINERS- Hard to imagine why they didn't make this the Sunday night game. I can see the promos now, "If you like turnovers and punting you'll love Rams-Niners, tonight at eight pm eastern!" The Rams actually showed some signs of life last time out, which I predicted they would. Okay so I said they would do it a game earlier, but now you're just nitpicking. Meanwhile the Niners, my preseason sleeper pick, have still not woken up as they look to get to twenty points for the first time since Week one. I don't know about anyone else but I'm eyeing that week 15 matchup with the Bengals. Terrible offense versus a terrible defense? Something's gotta give, right? Rams 27-9.

BEARS @ SEAHAWKS- The bitter rematch of last year's NFC Divisional playoff game. That's all I got. Both teams have been disappointing this year, but just may be on level playing fields, so it could be close. I'm making this my coin flip game of Week 11. Hey look at that,Seahawks 16-10.

PATRIOTS @ BILLS- The Bills were dominant for like 55 minutes the last time they hosted a prime time game, but that was then and this is now. I'd give the Bills a better shot if Marshawn Lynch was playing, but with the "Lynch Mob" out of action, the Pats will be too much for the Billsies. Patriots 31-14.

TITANS @ BRONCOS- Is it just me or does it seem that when the Broncos play night games they're always at home? Maybe it's just me, weird? The Titans are somehow pretty good. I mean their defense is super, but VY and the offense are inconsistent at best. I think the Broncos "D" and the thin air will bother VY. Broncos 24-21.

Well there you have it, your week eleven picks, in just under the gun.
And now for your viewing pleasure, cheese:


Hope it's Gouda-nough!

WEEK 10: OF MICE AND KITNA

JAGUARS @ TITANS: This should be a good little match-up, but I think it'll come down to the QBs, and frankly, while I am no huge fan of VY, he is a bit better than QG. Titans 20-14.

BRONCOS @ CHIEFS: The Broncos have been pretty sorry in my opinion, while the Chiefs have been much better than I thought they would be. I'm not saying they're good, but they're at least better than average, and these days that's enough to beat the Broncos. Chiefs 27-21.

BILLS @ DOLPHINS: In case you haven't noticed, the Bills are 4-4 and are right in the thick of things in the AFC. The back of the schedule is not a piece of cake, mmmmm cake, but it's not quite as daunting as their first half. Plus it don't hurt that this is the first of two, count 'em two, games against the Dolphins. Bills 23-17.

BROWNS @ STEELERS: Okay sure the Steelers had their way with the Brownies, mmmmmm brownies, in Week one, but Cleveland has since won five of seven. One loss was against the Pats, the other a last second loss to the Raiders. So they've done alright. Now sure the 'Burgh looked impressive against the Ravens, but who hasn't, really? Even the Bengals beat the birds for crying out loud! And Derek Anderson is looking like a young Steve Bono out there, so that's why I'm making this my upset special of the week as the Browns take it 21-20.

RAMS @ SAINTS: This one should be as close as a wrestling match between Hulk Hogan and Sweetchuck from those Police Academy movies. Heck, I wouldn't even give Sweetchuck a sporting chance against Spackler. Wait what does that have to do with the game? Well, nothing, but it amused me. The Rams should have no business winning this one, what with Saints rolling and the Rams, well, being a calamity. Saints 37-21.

FALCONS @ PANTHERS: It would seem, on paper, that this would be an easy win for the 'Thers, but if you keep reading that paper, you quickly see that David Carr is out and Vinny Testaverdee is questionable. I know you, much like myself, have probably been curious as to who in the heck is actually behind David Carr on the depth chart. Well the answer is Matt Moore, who will be backed up by Drew Olson, fresh off the practice squad. Looks bad, but I know a few fans in New England who were all like, "Tom Who?" when Bledsoe went down, so.....I'm not saying either of these guys will be the next Tom Brady, but who knows? I'll still take the 'Thers 13-9.

EAGLES @ REDSKINS: The combined records of the teams the 'Skins have lost to is 22-3. Aside from a pounding of the Lions, they have pretty much scraped by in their wins. So who really has any idea if they are in fact any good? Well, they're good enough to beat the Eagles, of that I am like 43% sure. Redskins 17-13.

VIKINGS @ PACKERS: I'm not gonna look up stats, but I'm pretty sure Adrian Petersen rushed for more yards than just about every team in the National Football League last week with his 296 yards. It's safe to say he outran the Packers at the very least, since their DeShawn Wynn only had 203 yards. Oh sorry, that's misleading, Wynn has 203 yards on the season, to be the Packers leading rusher. But who needs a good running game when you've got a gunslinger under center just out there having some fun? Vikes 24-23.

BENGALS @ RAVENS: I was way to drunk for their first meeting to have drawn any meaningful sort of analysis from it. But judging by the way they've performed since, I have been able to ascertain two things: 1) I could care less about the outcome of this game and 2) both teams are utterly terrible. Although I am intrigued by the match-up of a terrible offense against a terrible defense, to see what happens. Something's gotta give, right? Ravens 27-22.

BEARS @ RAIDERS: Is it just me or did it take teams far too long to figure out they shouldn't kick the ball to Devin Hester? I mean take that away and the Bears have, well, nothing except the wrong Adrian Petersen. I'm picking the Raiders, that's right the Raiders, 21-17.

COWBOYS @ GIANTS: While we will surely be rooting for a tie, which is the only way neither team can win, it seems the Cowboys may have the edge here. Personally, I am not even remotely convinced the G-Men are for real. For one, there last five wins have come against the Eagles (3-5), Jets (1-8), Falcons (2-6) , 49ers (2-6) and Dolphins (0-8). Now obviously they could be for real, but they are 1-2 against teams with above .500 records, not really a shining endorsement for the wonder that is the Giants. I mean, they more than likely will make the playoffs, but that won't be saying much. Cowboys 27-17.

LIONS @ CARDINALS: I've been sayin' it! Haven't I been sayin it?! I've been sayin it! Kitna, Kitna, Kitna. Kitna is the man and he will lead the Lions to the promised land! Lions 31-21.

COLTS @ CHARGERS: Just when it looked like the Chargers were turning their season around, they ran into the mighty 2-5 Vikings. Huh? The Vikings? Meanwhile the Colts will be looking to end their one game losing streak and are probably pretty ticked at losing to the Pats, so I'm gonna go out on a limb and take the Colts over the Bolts 28-21.

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS: This should be a real humdinger of a Monday nighter. Note the sarcasm. There was a point in time when some people thought San Francisco would be decent and have some semblance of an offense. But the Niners took no time at all to put an end to those notions. The Seahawks aren't good, but on this night they'll be good enough. Hawks 23-9.

Can't forget the cheese:

WEEK 9: THE 3:10 TO KITNA

Ah yes Week 9 in the NFL is upon us which means after this week every team will be at least halfway through their season. Now it may seem like only two teams are playing this week, what with all the hype and hoop-la, but I mean c'mon it's a pretty epic match-up to say the least. Now, I'm not one to throw superlatives all over the place like say, I dunno, Tim Kurkjian (I'm not even gonna check if that is the correct spelling of his name.) but this match-up is week nine in the NFL. And it may in fact be the greatest Week 9 match-up of all-time, and I for one am ecstatic to have the Cardinals-Buccaneers rivalry renewed once again! Now on with the picks in what should be a very interesting Week 9:

REDSKINS @ JETS: The Jets are not likely to run up the score on the 'Skins. In fact they are, in my opinion, not likely to win at all against the 'Skins. So there! Skins get some pride back, but just a little with a 23-13 win.

PACKERS @ CHIEFS: It seems not too long ago I was poking fun at the Chiefs ineptitude and thought they'd be in the running for the worst team in the league. But lo and behold, it's Week 9 and the Chiefs are tied with the Chargers for first in the AFC West! Meanwhile over that other conference, you know the one that has teams playing for the right to lose in the Super Bowl, the Packers are rolling. And if you didn't watch Monday Night's game in Denver, here is the basic gist of things: Brett Favre is really having fun out there. He just loves to play the game, and he is indeed a gunslinger. On a lesser note, there are actually 10 other guys who play on offense with Favre at any given time, but I have no idea if they are having fun or not? Is it just a paycheck for them? That's what I need to know and now! Oh, I'm rambling. Um, Packers 28-24.

CARDINALS @ BUCCANEERS: What can I say that hasn't been said already throughout the week? I mean Buccaneers this, Cardinals that, gimme a break! Geez, I get it! Bucs 17-9.

PANTHERS @ TITANS: Testaverde is questionable, so are the Panthers chances in Nashville. I don't have anything else to say here really. Titans 13-10.

49ERS @ FALCONS: This is one of the coin flip games. Heads I pick the Niners, tails the Falcons. It's tails. Falcons win 21-10.

JAGUARS @ SAINTS: The Saints sure are having fun making people think they're gonna hop right back in to that NFC Playoff race. That may very well be true. In fact I guess they are in the playoff race since 3-4 is good for a game back in the NFC South. Whatever! Let's see how they handle that Jaguars defense first and then we'll talk. Jags 10-9.

BRONCOS @ LIONS: The Lions are 5-2, which is good for the 4th best record in the NFC. Hey, I can't say I didn't warn ya. Kitna is on fire, and somehow they own the Bears. Not literally that'd be weird. Sure Favre gets most of the pub, but is it just me or does Kitna look like he is having fun out there too? More fun for Kitna and the Lions, they win 24- 20.

RAMS @ BYE WEEK: Hmm, this seems like a trap game to me. I mean the odds are the Rams won't lose this week, but anything can happen in the NFL and if anyone could lose to the pushover Bye Week it's the Rams. The Bye Week's "D" is suspect, but can the Rams put up points on it? It's close but I'm picking the Rams to not lose in Week 9. Wish I could say the same for the Dolphins.

DOLPHINS @ BYE WEEK: Yup in my upset special of the week I am picking the Dolphins to lose in their bye week! Unprecedented some might say. But to that I just say, not being elected the leader of the free world has nothing to do with the price of beans. I mean how could a football team even run for precedent? It don't make sense! Okay, who's lost? Stat of the week that may or may not have been fabricated by yours truly: This is the first time in the history of the NFL, that in Week 9 two unbeatens meet, while two winless teams have a bye. Hey, it's not lying if you believe it to be true! Anywho, moving on.

BENGALS @ BILLS: Could it be? QB controversy in the Nickel City? Well whoever starts on Sunday should be able to push the crowd and the head honchos in his favor, since only one team has given up more points than the Bengals and that's the winless Rams. Even the Ravens managed to put up 20 points on them! Bills 24-14.

CHARGERS @ VIKINGS: The Chargers are looking like everyone expected them to look. While the Vikings are looking, well, like everyone expected them to look. Too bad for the Vikings. Chargers 27-10.

SEAHAWKS @ BROWNS: Derek Anderson is turning into quite the little quarterback over there in Cleveland. I mean he's no Peyton Manning, but he's at least Eli Manning, if not slightly better. Browns 21-17.

PATRIOTS @ COLTS: I really wish someone had told me this game was this week! C'mon! Now I'm scrambling to find some sort of news clipping or analysis on this match-up. I know the Bucs-Cards is the same week, but seriously hows about a little attention for these two little clubs that could? Actually surprising that only two games this week has a higher point spread than this one. Guess it's not that close. Um, let's see I guess Patriots 38-34.

TEXANS @ RAIDERS: The Texans are quickly fading from that fast start and have come back down to earth with a thud. Fortunately for them the Raiders aren't all that good. Texans 27-21.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: The Eagles need this one, that's for sure! Okay well they'd probably have a chance even if they lose this one. But it'd be a slimmer chance that's for sure. I know I'm an idiot. I want the Eagles to win, but the fact remains the Cowboys are just plain better right now. Record and talent wise anyways. Cowboys 17-13.

RAVENS @ STEELERS: Yawn. What?! Oh right sorry. Um, Steelers overrated, Ravens offense is abysmal, something about Willis MacGahee's illegitimate kids, random joke at expense of starting quarterbacks, yada, yada, yada. Steelers 21-9.

And now for your cheese:

WEEK EIGHT: KITNA IN REAL LIFE

Phew! We're getting this one in just under the gun! Enough small talk, let's do this!

BROWNS @ RAMS: How could anyone pick the Rams? Honestly? I made them my upset special of the week last week and I was right, they did upset. Me, that is! Stupid Rams, maybe they should go as a football team for Halloween, cause it would be a big stretch for them! Brownies 27-13.

LIONS @ BEARS: The Lions are almost six point underdogs in this one, where's the love? Let's see the Bears have a worse record and really, let's be honest, pretty much all their wins have been pure luck, am I right? Viva la Kitna! Lions in the upset 21-20.

COLTS @ CAROLINA: I really thought the Jags "D" would've slowed the Colts down a bit, but nope, they allowed 29 points. The Panthers could make the playoffs this year. With Vinny "Ferrari" Testaverde at the helm, no less. A lot of teammates weren't even born when Vinny started in the NFL for crying out loud! Wait, where was I? Oh yeah the Panthers could make the playoffs, but probably not if they were in the AFC. Colts 31-17.

DOLPHINS VS. GIANTS @ LONDON, ENGLAND: If the Dolphins win this game, they may petition to play the rest of their home games in London. I'm all for sticking the Dolphins on another continent, even their fans, who are already incontinent. In fact move the whole state of Florida, I say. Giants 35-13.

RAIDERS @ TITANS: Only an idiot would honestly think the Raiders can win this one, which means they probably will win this one. Nah, Titans 21-17.

EAGLES @ VIKINGS: Philadelphiers want Andy Reid to resign and Donovan McNabb benched, so these two better get their acts together and quickly. Although we may be closing in on an Andy Reid press conference in which he states that it's harder to be a white head coach in the National Football League. Ooooh the controversy. Isn't he right though? I mean Art Shell, got rehired and made it through all of last season, and I'm not sure he was even conscious for most of it. If he was white, he'd a been gone in Week 8. Yeah, that's right "Bitterness" just git edgy! Or we're just being a horse's petoot? You be the judge! Eagles 10-7.

BILLS @ JETS: I am so sick of hearing about Trent Edwards this and Trent Edwards that. I mean the guy is everywhere! Oh wait, he's not? Well he should be, he's the next Tony Romo. For whatever that's worth? Bills 18-16.

TEXANS @ CHARGERS: The Texans window is officially closed. If they were in the NFC they'd be a playoff contender, but in th AFC it's just not the year. Plus the Chargers have had a chance to re-charge after a bye week, and a rested Turner and Hooch is like, um, something really good and dangerous? Chargers 31-20.

JAGUARS @ BUCCANEERS: If you're wondering why the Jags are underdogs, well, that would be because David Garrard is out and Quinn Gray is in. The only reason I'd ever heard of QG before Monday was because I did a franchise with the Jaguars in Madden '05 and he was my third stringer. I had to play him once, once and let's just say it might be time to see if Matty Jones remembers how to QB. Bucs 16-10.

SAINTS @ 49ERS: Ah, a classic old school NFC West showdown in Candlestick 3COM Monster Park. The Saints are rolling right now with a big 2 game winning streak, but looking at their schedule I only see them winning 8 games at the most. So the playoffs are outta the question, unless they really turn it on. Lucky for them the Niners offense is terrible, even with the return of Alex Smith. Saints 21-13.

REDSKINS @ PATRIOTS: It's sort of amazing that in this crazy "pc" world we live in that the Redskins name still lives on. But I digress. The 'Skins defense has not allowed more than 24 points in a game, but the Patriots are a whole 'nother animal altogether. This one has upset written all over it, but I'm sticking with what works and picking the Pats to win 31-17.

PACKERS @ BRONCOS: Weren't the Broncos just on in prime time, um, last week? All signs point to a ridiculous Brett Favre night. You know gunslingin' to and fro all the live long night. Which means either a lot of scoring or a lot of turnovers for the Pack. I'm picking the former. Or the latter? The scoring one. Packers 28-27.

And now your cheese, fried to perfection:

ANOTHER FALL CLASSIC

Well it is that time of year once again, the Series of the World is upon us. Now you probably will (if you haven't already) hear a lot of comparisons or breakdowns of the two combatants in this year's autumnal paradigm, but "Bitterness" has the only one you really need, right here! That's right kids, we will scientifically breakdown this match-up by what really matters. So strap yourselves in and prepare to be dazzled!

(Now although they are the Colorado Rockies, and not the Denver Rockies, they play in Denver, so most references will be to Denver)

CITY NICKNAME:
Denver is often called the "Mile High City" in reference to it's elevation above sea level, and in no way in reference to people who join the "Mile High Club". Of course the "Mile High Club" is something completely different. Now if the only inhabitants of the "Mile High City" were indeed in the "Mile High Club" they'd be on to something magical and slightly icky. But don't worry, I'm sure Travis Henry is doing his part out there to increase the numbers of the "Mile High Club" as well as starting a couple of new clubs down on the ground.

Now on the other side you have Boston, aka "Beantown". Now who doesn't love some good 'ol fashioned baked beans. I mean they are delicious and nutrious, what more could you want, really? Granted, maybe some wouldn't want their city to be nicknamed for the "magical fruit", that, well, "the more you eat, the more you toot?" Plus, wouldn't you rather be nearer sea level eating some beans, than gasping for breath a mile above it?

Advantage: Boston

BEST KNOWN FOR:
DENVER: I'd have to go with mountains and the Broncos on this one. I have a general disdain for the Broncos, while mountains, I guess, are alright, but we wouldn't want to climb one or even ski one for that matter, I mean what am I Bode Miller for crying out loud?!

BOSTON: Chowdah, beans, bitterness and some tea party.

Advantage: Boston

WORLD SERIES APPEARANCES:
COLORADO: 0

BOSTON: Several

Advantage: Boston

MAYOR:
DENVER: John Hickenlooper. Now, the awesomeness of his name aside, it's also noteworthy that Mr. Hickenlooper was one of the founders of the "Wynkoop Brewing Company" microbrewery, and that's alright by us and possibly by these guys.

BOSTON: Thomas Menino. Sure Menino is the first Italian-American Mayor of Beantown, but he is more known for his distinctive voice, that has the slightest bit of drunken lisp to it. He is also pretty well known for misusing words, like when he called former mayor John Collins, "a man of great statue." Or one of my personal favorites, when referring to the city's parking shortage as an "Alcatraz around his neck."

Advantage: Push

POSSIBLE LOCAL TALENT THAT COULD SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM BUT MORE THAN LIKELY WON'T:
DENVER: Earth, Wind and Fire. That's right lead singer Philip Bailey is a Denverite and if he could get as much of that ensemble as possible to belt out the "Star Spangled Banner" for one, if not all, of the games in Denver, that would be top notch! Even if it were just Earth and Fire, sans Wind, we think they'd do alright. I mean, if that happened that could be the "shining star" of the whole series.

BOSTON:
Sure you could easily use Aerosmith or reunite NKOTB or even see if Mark Wahlberg isn't too big for his britches and would rap out the anthem, but let's face it, those are way too obvious and they've been done. No, we want a real killer of an act to wail underneath the Stars and Stripes, that's right a band as extreme as say, Extreme? Plus we know that our National Anthem should be "more than words" to all of us, especially this day and age.

Advantage: Colorado

POSSIBLE CELEB SIGHTINGS:
DENVER: Well you may or may not know that, the grunting Tool Man himself, Tim Allen was born in Denver. Yes it's true! However his family moved to Michigan when he was 13 and he has been a Detroit fan ever since, so I guess there was really no great reason for bringing that up. Well, how 'bout we make it up with Jan-Michael Vincent. That's right, THE Jan-Michael Vincent, star of Airwolf! And I think we all know you don't mess with JMV. We can just see it now, instead of that tired Blue Angel stuff, in comes Airwolf smack down in the Coors Field outfield, and when the doors open, "Could it be?" "It can't be!" 'But it is, it's Stringfellow Hawke and fellow Denverian Karl Rove!" If only.

BOSTON: At Fenway you could see any number of celebrity Sawx fans from Ben Affleck to Stephen King to Dane Cook to Denis Leary to The Commish, Michael Chiklis, maybe even a drunken Kennedy or John Kerry, who knows? We'd really like to see Leonard Nimoy in the stands though, am I right?

Advantage: Pretty Close but the edge goes to Boston

So it's pretty easy to see why Boston will win the World Series in 5 games.

WEEK SEVEN: ROMANCING THE KITNA?

Here are your week seven picks:

CARDINALS @ REDSKINS: The 'Skins defense has looked solid, I guess? I say "I guess" because I haven't actually seen them play anyone games, but statistically they've looked solid. Add that with the fact one more quarterback injury in 'Zona means Neil Lomax is getting the call, carry the one and you get a Washington victory 24-12.

FALCONS @ SAINTS: N'awlins actually showed signs of life in week six. Sure it was against the ever inconsistent Seahawks, but nevertheless. Now see this would've been a good Monday or Sunday nighter, when looking at the schedule last February, now, not so much. Well if the Saints can carry some momentum from last week they should roll. Although they'll have to do it against the mighty Byron Leftwich. Hmm, I'm still seeing a Saints victory 21-14.

RAVENS @ BILLS: The biggest question this week, was not who would start at QB for the Bills, but rather, would Willis McGahee be able to scare up enough tickets for all his babies' mamas? Bills 21-20.

VIKINGS @ COWBOYS: Considering Kevin Faulk seemed to run with ease against the 'Boys, imagine what Adrian Petersen can do. Too bad for the Vikes, the Cowboys offense is just a shade better than the Bears'. Cowboys 27-14.

PATRIOTS @ DOLPHINS: This could be the upset of the season. It won't be, but sometimes it's fun to imagine things like that. Patriots 38-9

49ers @ GIANTS: If this were the late 80s, this would be the matchup of the week. But there's no Tom Rathman or Phil McConkey involved in this one folks. Doesn't mean it won't be a good game. Trent Dilfer starting at QB means it won't be a good game. Giants 31-10.

BUCCANEERS @ LIONS: A well rested Kitna? That spells trouble for everyone involved, right there. Made up insider note: The Bucs are trying to lure Eric Rhett out of retirement to backup Michael Bennett. But that's only after James Wilder stopped returning there calls. I say they go after Touchdown Tommy Vardell. Am I right or am I right? Lions 17-16.

TITANS @ TEXANS: The Texans seem to be fading a bit and will be without Andre Johnson once again, so that can't help their cause. But, Vince Young may not start for the Titans, so who knows what's gonna happen? Just the government probably, since they actually had this game played months ago in an underground sound stage in New Mexico. Just kidding. Or am I? Titans 21-17.

CHIEFS @ RAIDERS: The Chiefs have really turned this season around, and believe it or not , are in first place in the AFC West. Plus they may have Priest Holmes back in action. While this one just screams Raiders victory, I'm thinking the Chiefs take it 17-13.

JETS @ BENGALS: A couple of teams with high preseason expectations, that have just not panned out. Well somebody's gotta win, so why not the Jets 28-24?

BEARS @ EAGLES: If this were last season this might draw some interest from football fans outside of Philly and Chi-town. But it's not. And it doesn't. So who exactly is ready to step up and turn their season around? The Eagles, I guess? Eagles 24-14.

RAMS @ SEAHAWKS: Here's my "upset especiale" of the week. With the 'Hawks being the definition of inconsistency, and Marc Bulger probable it's time for the Rams to explode, just you watch. Rams 27-21.

STEELERS @ BRONCOS: Dangit all, I don't own a Broncos jersey! And with good reason, seeing as I hate them. But at least the Broncs are faltering, and fading off into the distance. Steelers on the other hand, are one of the most overrated teams around. Well maybe they aren't. The point is how would we know if they were bad? None of the teams they've played so far are even over .500, so who knows? And the fact is, the only reason one of those teams they've played will make the playoffs is because someone has to win the NFC West. Anyways Steelers 21-10.

COLTS @ JAGUARS: This one should be a dandy! Possibly the best Monday nighter of the season. Yes even better than last Monday's Falcons-Giants skirmish. The Colts are rested though, so I think they'll be able to scrape together a win. Colts 21-20.

And of course, your cheese:

WEEK SIX: DESPERATELY SEEKING KITNA

BENGALS @ CHIEFS: I'm still unsure as to how the heck the Chiefs put such a whoopin' on the Chargers in Week Four? The Bengals, meanwhile, are coming off their best defensive effort of the season. Sure it was a bye week, but you take what you can get. Bengals 27-17.

TEXANS @ JAGUARS: The AFC South looks to be the best and or toughest division in football so far this season, with the Texans occupying the basement at 3-2. Now the Texans beat the Jags twice last year with David Carr at the helm, which says a lot. With the defenses being prominent it'll be which QB makes the least amount of mistakes and my money is on Matty "Stump the" Schaub. Texans 13-12.

DOLPHINS @ BROWNS: Seems like it was not too long ago the Brownies were the laughing stock and the Dolphins were the mediocre team. Well the times they are a changin', as the Dolphins have been relegated to a punchline and the Browns have launched themselves up to mediocrity! Browns 21-10.

VIKINGS @ BEARS: Lovie Smith has to be tired of playing "Would you rather?" with his offense. As in, would you rather....start the turnover prone Rex Grossman or the slightly better than iffy Brian Griese? And to think Vinny Testaverde was just hanging around doing nothing. In any event, the Bears should be riding the momentum of their Sunday night win into this one, so look out Vikings. Bears 14-0

EAGLES @ JETS: I like to call this game the Disappointment Bowl, since both squads have been, well, disappointing. The Jets play has erased the Man-genius nickname from their doughy leader, while the Eagles have just been overmatched far too often. Not really sure what's gonna happen in the "City of Brotherly Love" come Sunday, so I went to the coin flip. Eagles 27-21.

RAMS @ RAVENS: Speaking of disappointments. The Ravens are not nearly as disappointing as the Rams have been, that's for darned sure! Remember when the Rams were an offensive juggernaut? What happened? Well, I don't know what happened, but I don't think it'll change anytime soon, with Gus Frerotte starting on Sunday. Of course I could be completely wrong and Gus could light up the Ravens "D" for 367 yards and three tds. Eh, not likely. Ravens 17-9.

TITANS @ BUCCANEERS: An oddly intriguing matchup down in the Bay of Tampa. Bottom line is the Titans are just plain better, I think. Don't get me wrong the addition of Zack Crockett should really spark Tampa's offense (note the sarcasm), but I'm gonna go ahead and pick the Titans 21- 17.

REDSKINS @ PACKERS: You gotta think the Packers have been seething all week after that Sunday night debacle, so look for Brett Favre too be the gunslinger that he is and show everyone how much he just loves the game. Man that was a long sentence. Packers 24-20.

PANTHERS @ CARDINALS: Kurt Warner vs. Vinny Testaverde? Is this an old-timers game? Actually this may be an upgrade for Carolina, the way David Carr's been playing, who knows? Not enough of an upgrade however, Cardinals 37-31.

PATRIOTS @ COWBOYS: After that Dolphins-Browns match-up, this is probably the game of the week in the NFL, let's be honest. T.O. will not even talk to the media until after the game on Sunday, so you know it is a big deal. Patriots 35-28.

RAIDERS @ CHARGERS: The Chargers look determined to get back in the thick of things in the AFC, which is bad news for the Raiders. Turner and Hooch should run wild in this one. Chargers 38-17.

SAINTS @ SEAHAWKS: The Saints once again look like the Aints. Could this be the week they turn it all around and head on an unprecedented run, overcoming this horrid start to make the playoffs? No. Seahawks 27-24

GIANTS @ FALCONS: The Giants defense is playing well, the Falcons offense is not. Ipso facto, Giants should roll 21-7.

And now your cheese:

WEEK FIVE: THE CHRONICLES OF KITNA

Well it's already week five, how the heck did that happen? Now I know our faithful readers (yes, I can use plural, there's at least seven) have plenty of questions to ask us. How are we doing with our picks compared to the Sports Guy and Peter King? Why have the most recent posts seemed to be lacking in quantity and quality? How is Pluto doing being a big nothing? What are our thoughts on the MLB Playoffs? Etcetera, etcetera. Well, believe us, when we say we have answers to all those questions and more, and you shall receive them shortly. It has been a trying time here at "Bitterness" in recent weeks. Okay, well that is actually a lie, but it sounds like something we should say. Anyways, due to some technical difficulties and time restraints we will have to give you the short, short version of our NFL picks this week. I know you may be heart broken, but rest assured in the next couple of weeks, we will once again be firing on all cylinders. So here you have the short, short version of our NFL picks for Week five:

PANTHERS @ SAINTS: It's a new month and a lot of teams are thankful for that. The Saints are one team in particular that are ecstatic to see September come to an end. The bye week should help a bit, plus David Carr could play for Carolina, so I'm taking the Saints 31-17.

JAGUARS @ CHIEFS: Not really sure how the Chiefs beat the Chargers, but I'm confident the Jags will squeak this one out 17-3.

LIONS @ REDSKINS: Meaningless stat of the week: Last week the Lions put up 34 points. IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! That's more than 22 teams scored in their entire games last week. Think about it. Bet on Kitna! Lions 31-30.

FALCONS @ TITANS: Should we believe JJ Harrington is making a resurgent push in Hotlanta? We here at "Bitterness" ain't buying. Titans 27-17.

DOLPHINS @ TEXANS: All of a sudden the Texans are on a two game losing streak and in last place in the AFC South. Luckily the Dolphins are working on being last place in the NFL. Texans 31-13.

SEAHAWKS @ STEELERS: Can the Steelers lose back-to-back games? Dare we dream? Well they are undefeated at the Ketchup Packet this year and the Seahwaks have been slightly disappointing, so no they won't lose back-to-back games. Steelers 21-17.

BROWNS @ PATRIOTS: Randy Moss is on pace for like 28 touchdowns, which is sort of ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as when he hauls in 5 today! Okay, that won't happen, but I wouldn't hold out for the Pats undefeated season to end here. Patriots 37-10.

CARDINALS @ RAMS: A struggling Rams team without Stephen Jackson, Isaac Bruce and I'm pretty sure Marc Bulger. Call me crazy but I don't think Tony Banks is leading a resurgence in St. Louis, Cardinals 21-14.

JETS @ GIANTS or GIANTS @ JETS: Does it really matter? So the endzones will have the Ginats name in them, and the tickets go to the Giants fans, but I think the Jets will have a pretty good handle on the nuances of the Swamplands. Right now the Giants are looking better, which is not saying a lot considering how the Jets are playing. Giants 13-3.

BUCCANEERS @ COLTS: The Bucs "D" has been pretty solid thus far and they are currently leading the worst division i football, but that's no reason to think they can beat the Colts people. Settle down. Colts 21-17.

CHARGERS @ BRONCOS: The Chargers are another team who's like to forget September, but the Broncos may not be any easy task. I say maybe, because it's hard to tell how good the Broncos are exactly. I'm saying the Chargers break out of their funk, cause, well, now's a good of time as any, right? Chargers 28-24.

RAVENS @ 49ERS: One of these teams will be below .500 after this one. Yes, we're predicting this won't end in a tie! You may think it's bad that the Ravens have only scored 79 points in four games, until you see the Niners have only scored 56 points. Ravens I guess 7-3.

BEARS @ PACKERS: A Packers win and the Bears will be four games back in the division after five games. Not a place you wanna be. Packers "D" will befuddle whoever is taking snaps for teh Bears. Packers 17-13.

COWBOYS @ BILLS: Maybe not as lopsided as you may think. I said maybe! Trent Edwards is ready for the bright lights and big stage. But is he starting? I should really look these things up. Cowboys 24-17.

Have fun, be safe, we're out!

WEEK FOUR: OH KITNA, YOU DEVIL

JETS @ BILLS: Is it just me or are the Bills dropping like flies? I mean it's like ridiculous day down at the deli, where prices were so low they were ridiculous. This week will be Trent Edwards' coming out party. No, he's not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, I just think he'll show the Jets what for. Plus, he has the perfect name to run for office after a brilliant NFL career, am I right. Vote Trent Edwards for comptroller. It just rolls off the tongue, don't it? Of course by me picking the Billsies I have more or less doomed them to be 0-4. Bills 21-17.

RAIDERS @ DOLPHINS: Er, Duante Culpepper's triumphant to return to Miami? It's not too often you get such a blockbuster matchup this early in the season. How will the Miami fans treat Duante upon his return? Or really, how many Dolphins fans don't know Dan Marino retired? Raiders 27-17.

RAVENS @ BROWNS: Ah yes, the Cleveland Bowl. Now this will be the true test for Derek Anderson. Is he for real? No one really knows? But I suspect he's not. Jamal Lewis will be the one to watch here. He'll either make the Ravens pay for cutting him loose, or the Browns pay for signing him. My money's on the latter or the former? Um, well I'd put money down that the Browns won't break 50 points in this division game. If they do, I need the odds on them making the playoffs and a plane ticket to Vegas. Ravens 13-12.

TEXANS @ FALCONS: I'm not all too sure why the Texans are favored buy less than three points in this one. Although they say you get three points just for playing at home, so I guess the Texans are favored by a just under six points. But doesn't that still seem low? Has anyone been watching Falcons games? Texans games? Sorry Falcons fans but Jesse Tuggle's not walking through that door. Texans 27-20.

BEARS @ LIONS: Okay so the Kitnas experienced a minor set back last week, but they will steady the course against a Bears team that has most likely underestimated Kitna's power and rugged good looks. Lions 21-20

PACKERS @ VIKINGS: I'm gonna go on out and make a bold prediction right here in Week 4: The Vikings will not win the NFC North. There I said it, what?! Packers 28-10.

RAMS @ COWBOYS: Seems not too long ago the Rams were an offensive juggernaut. Now they're an offensive disaster. Not too mention Stephen Jackson has been fairly unproductive. Sure last week he topped 100 yards, nearly tripling his production from the first two weeks, but he isn't getting in the end zone, and that 's what my fantasy team needs! C'mon! Oh yeah, um, Cowboys good, Rams not. Cowboys 31-21.

BUCCANEERS @ PANTHERS: Ah one of the biggest rivalry in sports is about to get renewed in Carolina in week four. I can't remember a bigger matchup between these two bloodthirsty rivals since that epic 1968 skirmish down in Tampa. But this is the year this heated rivalry returns to prominence. Army-Navy. Red Sox-Yankees. Duke-North Carolina. Phhht! They all take a back seat to the Bucs-Panthers. Panthers run right at Tampa's front seven and take this one 24-20.

SEAHAWKS @ 49ERS: I picked the Niners as a sleeper team this year, and since the 'Hawks and Rams appear to already be in a slumber, or stupor, I dunno, it seems very possible that the Niners can win the NFC West. This will be the big step here, knocking off the Seahawks. Niners 21-17.

STEELERS @ CARDINALS: And now it's time for storytime: Last week I attended a restaurant, well not so much a restaurant, as a bar, to watch several football games at once. It's glorious, believe me. Anyways, I say that to say this. For some reason, although I live in Central New York or the CNY, I am surrounded by a bevy of Steelers fans. Yes that may seem weird, it is to me, but that's not even the crux of the story folks. So there were maybe 10-15 Steelers fans huddled around a large TV where the epic Steelers-Niners game was being aired. Now so far, nothing wrong, I could still enjoy my featured game with my buddy. But here's the thing, these Steelers fans were outright obnoxious. They would hoot and holler for every little thing. A three yard gain by the Niners and they'd erupt. First downs, batted passes, a wink from Mike Tomlin that maybe they thought was directed right at them, it didn't matter they'd erupt. I mean, if you were just listening you'd of thought the Steelers were up 72-3. But alas, no they were not. Now, I realize that there are fans out there from every team, somewhere that act this same way, okay maybe not the Jaguars, but on this day it was Steelers fans, so they get the rant. Now, I also know that this does not encompass every single Steelers fan on the face of God's green earth, but I would wager it accounts for 72-85% of them if I had to guess. But here's the best part of the story. The biggest annoyance was a loud chant after Steelers scores of "Here we go Steelers! Here we go! Here we go Steelers! Here we go!" Now the Niners drive down in what felt like the fourth quarter and scored what ended up being their final score of the day. So amidst the brief silence of Steelers fans, I ya know graciously and loudly start chanting, "HERE WE GO NINERS! HERE WE GO!" I'm sorry I'm a COCKSWAIN! Much to my surprise, despite a few dirty looks, the Steelers fans didn't seem all that agitated. More stunned really, than anything. But the laughter from every other person in there annoyed by their shenanigans, made my day. So needless to say, this week I'm headed out there with my Eric Swann jersey. Cardinals 23-17.

CHIEFS @ CHARGERS: Sometimes you should put personal, and personnel, differences behind you for the greater good, wouldn't you say A.J.? Last year under Marty Schottenheimer the Chargers lost 2, count 'em, two regular season games. Norv Turner comes in and says, "That's nothing, it won't even take me four weeks to lose two games." FYI the LT, aka Hooch, is ready to get about 300 yards of total offense by himself, while LJ continues to disappoint his fantasy owners. Good thing I took Stephen Jackson instead. Oh wait. Chargers 45-17.

BRONCOS @ COLTS: The Broncos may be one of the most overrated teams of the decade. What?! I said "may". But c'mon they continually garner preseason hype and nothing happens, except they win like 8-10 games and lose in the playoffs because they didn't try in Week 17, and their players were all out of sync. Well I really don't seem them beating the Colts, but will probably cover the spread, if that's any consolation to Broncos fans? Colts 28-21.

EAGLES @ GIANTS: I don't even know what to say. I flipped a coin and it landed Eagle side up (yes it was an older quarter.) so Eagles win 21-17.

PATRIOTS @ BENGALS: Let's just say if the Browns can put up fifty plus points on the Bengals "D", Monday Night could get ugly fast. My prediction Matt Cassel will start the second half. Patriots 38-14.

And now you're cheese:

WEEK 3: THE KITNA SUPREMACY

Not much small talk this week. I have no idea how my picks went last week, well some idea I guess, will update my season totals after this week, and may even post the lastest AFC preview in history sometime soon, but for now, chew on this:

INDIANAPOLIS (2-0) @ HOUSTON (2-0): That's right folks, it is not a joke, the Texans are 2-0. Yes the Houston Texans. And should be able to somehow pull off the upset of Indy on Sunday, you will actually get to here the phrase, "The first place Texans." Sounds weird, right? Well I wouldn't worry too much, the Colts are still far superior and will be able to "Stump the Schaub" on Sunday, especially with Andre Johnson sidelined. Colts 21-10.

SAN DIEGO (1-1) @ GREEN BAY (2-0): Remember when the Chargers were an offensive powder keg? Okay, okay, the Bears and Patriots aren't exactly lowly defensive squads, but still, c'mon. Well, it shouldn't get much easier Sunday in Lambeau against a very solid Packer defense. But here's the thing, the Packer "O" is a bit more in the direction of Chigago's than it is New England's. Plus they probably won't know what defenses are coming, so advantage "Whale's Vagina." Chargers 17-13.

MINNESOTA (1-1) @ KANSAS CITY (0-2): How bad are the Chiefs? Seriously, I'm asking. Cause they seem pretty bad thus far. I'm not saying the Vikings are good, but they're looking better than the Chiefs. Get ready for a barn burner in "The Show Me State." Vikes 9-3.

DETROIT (2-0) @ PHILADELPHIA (0-2): I know, it seems like those records should be reversed, right? Well, with God on his side, how does anyone bet against Kitna? I don't know how or why, but Kitna will prevail and for an encore will turn Gatorade Arctic Blast into wine. And Kitna smote the Eagles, 24-21.

BUFFALO (0-2) @ NEW ENGLAND (2-0): Man the Bills have tough few opening weeks. Denver, at Pittsburgh, at New England, then host the Jets, Cowboys and Ravens, then they are at the Jets and host the Bengals, at the '85 Bears and then host the '72 Dolphins. Man that's a rough schedule, where's Pete Metzalaars when you need him? Patriots 38-14 (cause it seems like that'll be the score of every Patriots win?)

MIAMI (0-2) @ NEW YORK JETS (0-2): Well, barring a tie, one of these teams will be 0-3. But who, oh who, will it be? I'll give you a hint: It rhymes with 'My Hammy'. Jets 28-10.

SAN FRANCISCO (2-0) @ PITTSBURGH (2-0): Seems like this would be a good matchup, but the 49ers haven't been able to score points on the Cardinals or Rams defenses, I don't really see how they'll be able to put up point son the vaunted Steelers defense? Steelers 10-6.

ARIZONA (1-1) @ BALTIMORE (1-1): SEND IN THE BIRDS! (Joke that very few of our readers will get, but Bill's probably laughing.) For some reason, it seems just a bit too easy to take the Ravens in this one. I mean, do the Cardinals really have a shot in this one? I wish I thought they did, but alas, me thinks the Ravens will win. They keep their heads on a swivel and that's what you need in an angry bird fight! Ravens 27-20.

ST. LOUIS (0-2) @ TAMPA BAY (1-1): This is the week the Rams break out my friends! Yes, you heard it hear first, the Rams will dominate. Stephen Jackson will run amuck, while Mr. Bulger "makes it rain" in Tampa. Rams 45-24.

JACKSONVILLE (1-1) @ DENVER (2-0): Ah yes a rematch of the epic 1997 Divisional Playoff game where the Jags, lead by a feisty Mark Brunell and a husky Natrone Means, upset the Broncos in Denver. Could a similar upset be in the making come Sunday? Probably not. Broncos 24-23.

CINCINNATI (1-1) @ SEATTLE (1-1): Both teams are coming off embarrassment in Week 2, so both will be looking to "right the ship" as it were. If both teams play up to their preseason hype, this could turn into a good 'ol fashioned shootout. Both teams have looked rather ordinary thus far and something has got to give. Don't expect a defensive battle in this one, Bengals 31-27.

CLEVELAND (1-1) @ OAKLAND (0-2): Meaningless stat of the week: Last week the Browns scored more points than the Raiders have scored in 2 weeks combined! Made up stat of the week: 27% of Browns fans think Derek Anderson could be the next Bernie Kosar, 33% think he's the next Vinny Testaverde, and 42% think he's the next Tim Couch. You do the math. Browns 31-23.

CAROLINA (1-1) @ ATLANTA (0-2): Well the good news for Bobby Petrino is, that when the whole Vick debacle went down it lowered the expectations for the coach and his team. I think a "Thank You" cake with a file in it is in order, am I right? You know, cause Vick is in jail and in the olden time movies they'd send food with a file in it to prisoners, so they could file their way out? No? But who's more now: Joey Harrington or Jake Delhomme? Haha, and we're back! Panthers 28-13.

NY GIANTS (0-2) @ WASHINGTON (2-0): I don't know what could possibly make me pick the Giants in this one? There is not one single thing, I am telling you the God's honest truth! That's right the 'Skins will somehow be 3-0. Redskins 13-7.

DALLAS (2-0) @ CHIGAGO (1-1): Oh thank God the Cowboys are on in primetime. It's been a whole two weeks since their last Sunday nighter. good golly, that's bad scheduling. In the first 5 weeks the Cowboys, Giants, Bears, Patriots, Eagles and Bengals will be on in primetime twice already! Okay we get it, you want good games to draw an audience, but let me hit you with some knowledge TV, football fans will sit in front of you and watch the game on Sunday and Monday nights, because it's there. I, for one, barely even know what's going on in the games, to tell you the truth. Mix up a little is all I'm asking. Okay, well that should get the job done. Oh yeah, the game, um Cowboys 17-9.

TENNESSEE (1-1) @ NEW ORLEANS (0-2): Now, this is a Monday night game! No really, that's when they're playing it. The Titans have looked good, the Saints have not. This one is easy though, cause we'll just use the good ol' transitive property. The Colts beat the Saints 41-10. The Colts beat the Titans 22-20. So therefore the Titans should win by a score of 24-13. But I am going to toss the transitive property asunder and pick the Saints to win 21-20. HA! Take that transitive property!

Oh and since we're bit light in the cheesy pictures department, enjoy this:

WE'VE BEEN DOWNGRADED!

That's right folks, we've been downgraded! You may be asking yourself, what in the name of all that is holy are we talking about? Well, we thought we were the #1 Jon Kitna fan in all the land, until we found this:




Yes, we humbly bow down before the #1 Kitna fan, possibly in the world. This is one of the smartest men alive people! Plus, now we know who outbid us. We've been scouring eBay ever since for such a find, but have found only dozens of some of your real no name players like Terrell Owens, Donovan McNabb and Ladanian Tomlinson. For now our search continues, as we settle for the fact that right now, we couldn't be any higher than the #2 Kitna fan in all the land. All hail Kitna!

WEEK 2: ANNIE GET YOUR GUNSLINGER

Well, week one has come and gone and I looked fairly competent, going 10-6. Is that right? Doesn't sound right, does it? Ah well. Week two is bound to show me for the simp I really am. Anyways I have to type quick as I think the Sports Guy has bugged by apartment in order to get a sneak peak at my picks, so away we go...........


BUFFALO @ PITTSBURGH: The Bills is feisty my friends and yes that bad English was intentional. Sorry mom. I think they will go into the Burgh and snatch a win they will most certainly, relish. Buffalo 5-3

CINCINNATI @ CLEVELAND: So first the Brownies are all hush-hush about which mediocre QB they'd use in Week One. Then the "chosen one" proceeds to quickly get benched for the "chosen #2" , while the "golden boy" draft pick, who has only practiced for a couple of weeks, watches from the sideline. Now, after the Week One, or in the Browns case "Weak One", drubbing, they proceed to trade away the aforementioned "chosen one", leaving the mediocre "chosen #2" and the "golden boy" draft pick to vie for the starting QB job. Is this Cleveland, or an episode of "Dallas"? Either way Cincy should roll. Bengals 24-10

INDIANAPOLIS @ TENNESSEE: Still not overly impressed with the Titans, a win over Indy could change that. Unfortunately I don't see it. Colts 21-10

HOUSTON @ CAROLINA: A pretty intriguing match-up of two undefeated squads. Sure it's only 1-0, but there's 16 teams who can't be in that rare air. Now, it's hard to say if it was a matter of these two being good in week one or their opponents just stinking up the joint? Who knows? Guess we'll find out in Week 2, right? I say Steve Smith will give the Texans problems all afternoon. Panthers 26-17.

SAN FRANCISCO @ ST. LOUIS: San Fran did manage a win in week one, albeit against the "Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal", but looked a bit sloppy doing it, or so I'm told, it was on waaaaay past my bed time. I think Stephen Jackson is gonna be looking to put week one behind him and find some redemption, which won't be easy. The 49ers can play "D", especially that Patrick "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout" Willis. It is so tempting to take the Niners, but the coin flip says I'm going Rammers at home, 24-20

GREEN BAY @ NEW YORK GIANTS: The gunslingest gunslinger that has ever gunslinged, or gunslung, will be in the Meadowlands on Sunday facing a Giants secondary that, well, let's just say, they are not good. Throw in a lack of Brandon Jacobs and an iffy Eli (we of course mean more iffy than usual, cause of his shoulder) and you got yourselves a stew, baby! Eli's status could make a huge difference, but I stIll think the G-Men are in trouble. Packers 35-27

ATLANTA @ JACKSONVILLE: Egads, the Falcons looked awful last week! How many times throughout this season will the Falcons regret not keeping Matt "Stump the" Schaub? I say 143, but that's just me. Jaguars get the running game back on track and beat up the dirty birds 21-6

NEW ORLEANS @ TAMPA BAY: The Saints will have had a long time to think about their Week One pummeling come kickoff time Sunday. That's not good news for the Buccaneers. Saints 34-10

MINNESOTA @ DETROIT: Alright Kitna, one win down, nine to go, my friend. Here's comes number two. Okay that sounds nasty. Here comes win number two, somehow? Lions 21-20

DALLAS @ MIAMI: I suppose it would be asking to much of God to have this stadium spontaneously combust during the game? Yes this is a matchup of my two least favorite franchises and two least favorite fandoms. Since they probably won't tie, I guess the Cowboys will beat up on the Dolphins, so take that Snowflake! By the way, the 'Skins in week one, 'Boys in week two, are the Dolphins in the NFC now? Wishful thinking I guess. Um, Cowboys 20-3.

SEATTLE @ ARIZONA: Now, I would like to say the Seahawks will roll in this one, but their performance against the Bucs last week was borderline pathetic. This has upset written all over it! So, naturally, I'm taking the favorite, dah! Seahawks 49-35

NEW YORK JETS @ BALTIMORE: That Brian Billick sure is an offensive, dare I say, genius. 20, count 'em 20 points against the Bengals. Oh man! Are you detecting the sarcasm, cause I'm laying it on pretty thick. Here's the thing the Ravens are favored by ten points. TEN! Me still thinks the Jets are a bit better than they showed on Sunday, and they'll either be facing a hobbled Steve McNair or a healthy Kyle Boller, which may or may not be, half a dozen of one and half a dozen of the other. I am so confident that the Jets will cover that if they don't I will dedicate a whole blog to the wonder that is the Ravens. Okay, well let's not get crazy here. How about I just give them some credit next week and apologize for doubting their superiority? Ravens 7-6

OAKLAND @ DENVER: There's not really any statistical or factual data that will support the Raiders beating, well, really, most teams, so I'm afraid it's 0-2 for the silver and black. Broncos 24-13.

KANSAS CITY @ CHICAGO: I really couldn't tell you what the heck is even going on in Kansas City folks. And to think, people in KC had to endure another long summer with the Royals and this is the thanks they get? Bears 28-14

SAN DIEGO @ NEW ENGLAND: Little known fact about the penalties thrown at Bill Belichik: included in the fine print is a stipulation that will allow him to only use a Betamax machine for the next three weeks. True story! Or is it? You decide. Anyways, if the Patriots actually just managed to tape the Chargers-Bears game, they could try and see what the Bears did to more or less contain LT, aka Hooch. I's a toughy, but I'm taking the Pats, but barely. 21-20

WASHINGTON @ PHILADELPHIA: The first place Redskins head into the ever hostile Linc for a Monday nighter. Let's just say, it's probably the last time this season I'll have to type "first place Redskins." But isn't it just a bit peculiar that in week one, Philly lost 16-13 and Washington won 16-13? Hmmm? Hmmmm? Hmmmmm? BAH! Eagles 27-13

WEEK ONE: THE RISE OF KITNA

Yes, yes, yes! It is that time sports fans! The NFL season is upon us and once again we will be taking on the Sports Guy and Peter King making picks week after week. Okay, so we didn't fare all that well last year after a pretty good start, but we're ready to roll this year. You can believe that. We piled over charts and magazines and websites to get all the info and data needed to make educated picks. Okay, so we actually piled over plates of nachos, chicken wings and cheese, but more or less the same thing. So here we go.

Now let me just start by saying Week 1 may be the hardest week to predict, because all you've got is what everyone looks like on paper, and really almost anything can happen in the NFL. That being said here we go:



BRONCOS @ BILLS- Here's the thing, the Broncos seem to come out flat every year and play like horse doo-doo in the opener. And to tell you the truth I don't see any changes in the pattern this year, as JP Losman, Marshawn Lynch and Lee Evans will show the Broncos what for. I wonder how the crowd in Buffalo will "greet" Travis Henry? I'm guessing they won't be handing him a 'Welcome Back" fruit basket. Bills 28-24

STEELERS @ BROWNS- The Seelers are giving Ben Roethlisberger a little more freedom at the line of scrimmage. Whether this is good or bad, we do not know? What we do know is the Browns are feisty and will be right in this game, but Charlie Frye just won't have enough to pull this one out. The question is will there be "We want Brady chants?" emanating from the Dawg Pound? Steelers 24-14

PANTHERS @ RAMS- This was one of those tough call games. Most people think the Rammers will take this, as the Panthers will probably be less predictable than Andy Dick this season. Andy Dick? Really? Okay so that was weakish, but give me a break, it's Week One. For some reason I think the Cats win on the road and I will dig a pretty big hole for myself in this pick-off. Panthers 27-24

FALCONS @ VIKINGS- Egads! This is another tough one, folks. It's too, too, too easy to dismiss the Falcons just cause they're without Michael Vick. While that's a crushing blow sure, don't forget Joey Harrington is capable and Jerious Norwood is due to break out (at least I hope so, for my fantasy football team's sake, anyways). Plus I'm about as confident in Tavaris Jackson as I am in, um, something I have very little confidence in. Falcons 21-17

PATRIOTS @ JETS- As a Patriots fan it was gut wrenching to make this one of my upsets week, but I just have a hunch the Pats are headed for an 0-1 start. And let me just say, it's not cause they're without Harrison or Seymour, although that doesn't help. I just think it will happen, so there! Jets 31-27

DOLPHINS @ REDSKINS- About all the Dolphins have going for them is their defense, and a chance for the #1 Draft pick come spring. I'm not saying the 'Skins are good, cause they probably aren't, but on this day they're good enough. 'Skins 20-10

TITANS @ JAGUARS- Too many people are picking the Titans to "upset" the Jags this week. It's annoying. If it's that obvious to so many, then how come the Jags are almost a touchdown favorite.? Vince Young'll be shaky against a still very strong defense, while Maurice Jones-Drew gets 200 combined yards as the Jags get off on the right foot. Jaguars 17-13

CHIEFS @ TEXANS- Seems like the Chiefs have become the whipping boys of the media "pundits", while I'm still trying to figure out how they made the playoffs last year? Larry Johnson is still good, but those 700 carries he had last year are bound to take a toll at some point. Matt Schaub 18-25, 325 yards, 3TDs. Houston 28-27

EAGLES @ PACKERS- The Packers are one of my "sleeper-ish" teams this season, and I think they will show every one why in this game. The Eagles are still good, but they may just , like so many others this year, underestimate the Pack. While both defenses are pretty solid, we should still see some points oin this one. That's right, I am predicting it won't end in a 0-0 tie! Packers 24-20

LIONS @ RAIDERS- Kitna's MVP season starts here, when he torches a surprisingly good Raiders defense for 4TDs and 450 yards. Okay, so maybe that won't happen, but the Lions will win this, mark my words! All hail Kitna! Lions 28-21

BEARS @ CHARGERS- LT against Urlacher and the Bears defense? Lookout! This would be a better game if Rex "and Balances" Grossman was good enough to beat the Bolts' defense. Chargers 24-13

BUCCANEERS @ SEAHAWKS- Okay, Seattle has no excuses right now, with a pretty much healthy squad. I mean, they made the 'Offs while missing both Shaun Alexander and Timmy Hasselback's bro for a good chuck of games last season. Couple that with the fact that Tampa Bay seems to be, well, not good, and you get a good old-fashioned butt whooping. Seahawks 34-13

GIANTS @ DALLAS- Oh good more reason for Tiki to be focusing his words and ire on Tom Coughlin and the G-men. Well, suffice it to say, I don't think much of the Giants or Tom Coughlin, but with Tiki, Strahan, and Shockey, I somehow feel sympathetic to the coach. Not enough to pick 'em to win, that's just foolish. Big D plays some Big "D", down in Big D and the 'Boys cruise. Cowboys 31-14

RAVENS @ BENGALS- A good defense beats a good offense, right? We think so. In fact we think this so much so, that we've beched Carson "Heisman" Palmer on our fantasy squad for week one. Which of course means he'll probably light up the Ravens for like 7 touchdowns or something. But, no, we are gonna stick to our guns! Ravens 9-7

CARDINALS @ 49ERS- The 49ers are another sleeper pick of mine (sorry 'Zona), and, well, just about everyone else. Frank Gore should run wild in this one, this won't be as close as many think. I think, anyways. Niners 35-17

Alright there's your week one predictions and since our AFC Preview is not quite ready yet, we are gonna just tack on our predictions without the added verbage, here. But don't be alarmed, the wordy preview will be coming, hopefully sometime before Week 2. We hope anyways. But here's our predicted AFC standings:

AFC EAST
New England 13-3
New York 10-6
Buffalo 7-9
Miami 3-13

AFC NORTH
Baltimore 12-4
Cincinnati 8-8
Pittsburgh 8-8
Cleveland 5-11

AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis (duh?) 13-3
Tennessee 8-8
Jacksonville 7-9
Houston 5-11

AFC WEST
San Diego (bold, eh?) 14-2
Denver 10-6
Oakland 5-11
Kansas City 4-12

Enjoy the games!