Man, football, sometimes I feel like you're my only friend. I mean, you get me. You really get me. What's that football? Yeah, there are some great guys on this team, sure. But talk about a buncha goody two shoes! I mean I tried to get Ben high once and he was all like, "I just say no to drugs, man and so should you." Then he offered me some milk and some Chunky soup. It's like, we get it Ben, you have endorsements, give it a rest already. Huh? Yeah, football, I guess you're right, he means well. Damn crackah. What? Yeah maybe when I lash out at Ben or coach I'm really just lashing out at myself and my own need for validation. What's that football? Well I guess we all have our inner demons, sure. Uh-huh. Maybe I do toke to escape from pressures of being a player in the National Football League, but I mean Obama's probably gonna legalize marijuana anyway, so what's the big deal? Yeah I guess. Well sure, I mean who wouldn't wanna be in a Tyler Perry joint? Yeah, I guess you're right football. It's just everyone's always talkin', "why can't you fly right, be more like Hines?" They talk like his crap don't stink. Well believe you, me football, his crap stinks. I smelled it! It is downright nasty! I wouldn't wish that kinda stink on anyone! Well, maybe Terrell Suggs. I mean, honestly, Santonio Holmes ain't good enough to have a bounty on his head? Well, ain't he?! I know football, but it's the principle of the thing, ya know. Yeah football, you're right.
Coach Tomlin: DAMMIT! Santonio are you high again?!
Santonio: Oh great, it's coach. No coach, I ain't high again? You must be high for thinking that!
Coach Tomlin: Then why you talkin' to that football?
Santonio: Why you talkin' to me?!
Coach Tomlin: Dammit Holmes! I told you no more wacky tobacky at practice!
Santonio: Yo, I'm straight coach.
Coach Tomlin: Alright, well get in there Panama red, you're supposed to be in on this play.
Santonio: Be right there coach.
Alright football, I gotta get in there and do that thing I do. I'll see ya after practice. Hahaha! Hell's yeah football! You knows we gonna load up on Funnyuns!
On the next "Gettin' High With Santonio" Santonio and football talk to God.
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