WEEK SIX: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE KITNA

Well, well, well time for another wacktastic week in the NFL, where the Rams and Lions will continue to try and out-pathetic each other, the pregame shows will be continually dumbed down, Raiders fans will still be psychopaths and the Pats, Chargers and Colts will remain a mystery.

Well last week we were on fire against the spread going 8-4-2, and edging the Sports Guy by two games. which brings us to....

"The Flowbee Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Pickoff" Standings:
"Bitterness" 40-31-3
"Sports" Guy 37-34-3

You may have noticed the absence of the Monday Morning QB. Now while we'd love to throw his pick-off record in here every week, we never seem to take note when they are released, and MMQB does not archive like in previous seasons. This means, that once his latest picks are up, the old ones are tossed asunder never to be seen again. So there ya have it. We may include him here and there and just go by win percentage, but who the heck knows? On with the picks.

RAIDERS @ SAINTS: No one likes to play on short rest with a multitude of injuries, unless its against the Raiders. Oakland has lost their last 7 road games against teams coming off a Monday Night loss. That's not necessarily a lie, as it could be true, I just don't know is all. Saints 31-16.

RAVENS @ COLTS: Well color me intrigued on this one. The Ravens "D" is playing inspired ball behind Ray Lewis' involuntary spasms, while the Colts have been very un-Colt over the first quarter of the season. There's that little tiny voice in the back of most people's heads saying, "Peyton and the Colts are just bound to light up the scoreboard eventually." That is one of many voices in my head I'll be blocking out this week. Ravens 16-13.

BENGALS @ JETS: The Bengals could very well be 1-4 instead of 0-5, so keep that in mind sports fans. Yes,much to the surprise of, well, everyone, the Bengals played both the Giants and the Cowboys tight. Against the spread they're riding a win streak, which makes them a tasty upset pick. Mmmmmm, upset pick. But factor in that Brett Favre as had two weeks since he was hit, meaning he'll come out smelling like Ben-Gay! Ben-Gay? Ben-Gals? Ah what the heck, I'm making the Bengals my Flex-All 454 upset of the week! Bengals 28-27.

PANTHERS @ BUCCANEERS: This should some good ol' fashioned slobberknocker football! Yep, a great deal of slobberknocking! Who ever gets slobberknocked the least will be the victors, and the Panthers haven't been out-slobberknocked since early in '07, so I'm Goinf Panthers 17-15.

LIONS @ VIKINGS: Well, Lions' fans jubilation over Matt Millen's excommunication was short lived. Now at halftime of the Patriots-49ers game Dan Marino said, "It's official, the Lions are the worst team in football." You know I think the Rams could sneak into that conversation. I still say that the week after the Championship games, if there are two teams tied for the worst record, they should play at a neutral sight for the #1 pick. could it possibly draw less interest than the Pro Bowl? Vikings 28-17.

BEARS @ FALCONS: Matty Ice and the Falcons have been feisty to say the least, but against top tier defenses they have not impressed. They were held to 9 points by the Panthers and the Buccaneers. Plus the fact that Brian Urlacher spent much of the offseason studying up on the finer points of falconry. Bears 27-9.

DOLPHINS @ TEXANS: Alright everything points to a Dolphins win here, or does it? Take away a few gut wrenching turnovers and the Texans beat Indy. For the most part Sage looked good last week and "Cotton" Schaub looked solid in the game before that. Really this is a toss-up, but I'm gonna go with the 'Wildcat" wielding Dolphins 27-21.

RAMS @ REDSKINS: Well for those of you trying to figure out if the 'Skins are for real this will not be the week to see. Hey if Jim Haslett can fire up the offense as much as he's fired up the defense thus far, then, well they may not even score. 'Potatoskins 34-12.

JAGUARS @ BRONCOS: Is it just me or does it seem like the Broncos play every game at home? Anyways.....the Jags have actually fared better than most in the mile high air. Okay, I made that up, but it sounded believable right? As long as my fantasy place kicker Matt "Livin' on a" Prater gets his kicks, I'm good. Broncos 24-20 (on 8 field goals).

EAGLES @ 49ERS: D-Nabb is upset, and he let it be known. Tough to say if this will light a fire under the Iggles, especially without Brian Westbrook. Westy has a couple of broken ribs. Now the only ribs I've ever broken were smothered in barbecue sauce, but I'm told its pretty painful. But if Matt Cassel can pick apart the Niners secondary, what's to stop the Chunky Soup pusher from doing the same? Eagles 31-21.

DALLAS @ CARDINALS: Wade Phillips can't be happy about the last couple 'o' weeks in Big D, and if anyone can fire up a team its the charismatic and boisterous Wade Phillips! The guy sweats fire and craps lava for crying out loud! Whoops I was thinking of Wilson Phillips, sorry. Cowboys 41-27.

PACKERS @ SEAHAWKS: Ah the battle of who's struggling more in the Holmgren Bowl. The Packers are struggling in a respectable manner at least. Packers 23-7.

PATRIOTS @ CHARGERS: This should be a close one.Not necessarily a good one, but a close one at least. Hey if I'm Norv Turner I'd be doing some direct snaps to LT, with Sproles joining him in the backfield. It can't hurt to try, right? Patriots 27-23.

GIANTS @ BROWNS: Record of Giants opponents: 5-13. The Potatoskins are 4-1, meaning the combined record of their other opponents is 1-12. Now remember they played the Potatoskins in the opener, so the Giants have yet to face an opponent with a winning record. The Giants will hardly get their first test in this one. Giants win amidst the "We want Brady" chants 30-7.